The Sweat Life Personal Training and Fitness

My Little Sweet Pea,

How a year has gone by so fast, and yet my heart still hurts knowing you’re not here. Today is the anniversary of your anticipated birth. You would be one year old. I often wonder what you would be like. Would you have daddy’s prominent dimples? Or maybe mama’s curious nature and sense of adventure? What would your sweet little giggle sound like, I wonder? Probably the most beautiful sound in the world. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. I'd like to think that in some small way you are here with us - in the wind carrying the bubbles that I blow for you up into the sky, in the seeds that I’ve planted and watched grow, or maybe even at the sight of plush bunnies when I unexpectedly see them in random places. Comfort fills me in those moments, but so does grief because I am always aware that a piece of my heart is missing. But you will always have that piece as it belongs to you, and I hope it continues to keep you safe and warm, just as you were in my belly.

This year, your dad and I - along with your auntie Wendy and uncle Jonathan - participated in the Butterfly Run Vancouver for the second time! We ran the 5km route along the beautiful scenic False Creek area and had such a lovely time meeting other mommies and daddies who also have babies in the stars. Auntie Jennifer, uncle Mark and your baby cousin Emily were all cheering us on from home since Emily is still little. But boy, do we all love you so much! Yesterday was also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day, so in honour of you, we joined the rest of the world in lighting a candle for you at 7pm for the International Wave of Light. You continue to be such a blessing and I hope I can continue to be a good mama to you. Happy First Heavenly Birthday, my little one.

Love,

Mama

My dearest little one,

Today would have been the day we welcomed you into this world. But instead, I am remembering the joy I felt for the short time you were in our lives. You left us at 11 weeks + 5 days, still warm in my belly. The doctor said they couldn’t hear your heartbeat. So as much as your dad and I didn’t want to, we had to say goodbye. We miss you everyday. I still cry and wonder why things happen the way they do. Some people understand this grief, others try to understand it while some others find it insignificant. But I know how meaningful, significant and precious your little life was and still is to me, so as much as my heart hurts to not be able to ever hold you, smell you, hear you cry, or see you smile, I will try my best to be strong so that my heart can beat for the both of us.

Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. We lit a candle for you, and your fur sister, Dayzi, was a part of it as well. We also participated in the Butterfly Run Vancouver with your aunties, Jennifer and Wendy, and your uncles, Mark and Jonathan. They already love you so much! We ran 5km in honour of you, my little Sweet Pea. It was the perfect day and the sun came out for us. So in honour of you today - your anticipated day of birth - I would like to say thank you for the most cherished gift of making me your mother and your dad a father. You will always be our greatest blessing, our little Sweet Pea.

Love,
Mama

Thank you so much, Butterfly Run BC

Butterfly Run BC
❤️

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Happy Family Day long weekend!

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Happy New Year! 😊💪

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