01/10/2025
There are days when I only see what's missing.
When absence speaks louder than presence, and I forget that happiness isn't a finish line. Not at the end of the next ride, not when everything finally falls into place.
It's here. Right now. While I'm busy looking everywhere else for it.
This morning, riding through the same route we've taken a hundred times, something shifted. Maybe it was just the light breaking through clouds at exactly the right moment. Or the familiar rattle under my tires that usually annoys me but today felt like a reminder: you're still moving.
I have "we always need a reason" tattooed on my skin. This need to justify everything, to find meaning in every moment, to explain why I deserve to feel good. But sometimes life doesn't need a reason. Sometimes it's enough to get quiet, keep pedaling, and let yourself feel it: I'm here.
And that's enough.
Maybe happiness isn't the loud thing everyone's performing for. Maybe it's smaller than that. Quieter. Maybe it's this: choosing to stay when everything feels heavy. To breathe when the world won't. To hold on when letting go looks easier.
Maybe it's been riding alongside me this whole time, waiting for me to stop searching and start noticing.