Yoga mit Vera

26.02.1974. The day my sister was born. 48 years ago. She would have been 48 years now. Incredible. Hard to imagine that I would be her little sis… She was / is so beautiful. Usually I think babies are not always beautiful - for sure this is different when it is your own child. And I think I was really ugly as a baby 👶😜 But Britta was pure gold. Big dark blue eyes, always so graceful expression due to her illness and somehow very calm. When she died, it brought a trauma into my family, that I can still feel. Today I am close to her grave which is still there. With a little angel on her stone. I am sure she is somewhere, taking care of my parents and our family. Rest In Peace little angel 👼

Mein 2. YouTube Video ist live. Darin erfährst du, wie man Angststörungen und Depression in einer Klinik heilt. Ich freu mich - gerade jetzt - über Kommentare, Likes und Abos. Damit es möglichst viele Menschen erreicht.

Angststörung und Depression. Was erwartet mich in einer psychosomatischen Klinik? Lohnt sich ein Aufenthalt in einer psychosomatischen Klinik? Was macht man in einer psychischen Klinik? Wie heilt man Angststörungen und Depression? Und wie ...

Mein 1. Video ist online. Freu mich über Kommentare, Abos und Gefällt mir Klicks ;-)

10 Wege wie ich trotz Hirntumor und Trauma aus meiner Angststörung fand Meine 10 wichtigsten Instrumente, wie ich trotz Gehirntumor aus meiner langjährigen Angststörung fand. Ängste und vor allem hypochondrische Ängste bestimmten...

Merry Christmas 🎄May all of you have a peaceful night surrounded by the people you love. This is a special Christmas for me, since last year I was forced to celebrate in my PJs… I felt so weak and ugly. Couldn’t wash my hair and taking a shower was a real struggle. My head bone at that time was still „talking“ to me: The sound of two „stones“ grinding against each other - I will never forget that. Therefore I am so grateful that tonite I can wear a reindeer headband on my scar and be with my family in a proper Christmas outfit. Life is so special. Thank you thank you thank you.

What I learned this year. No one will ever completely understand you, until they are in a similar situation. I have one good friend who unfortunately got cancer during her 20ies. She is one of the few persons who I can talk to and feel that she knows what I am talking about. And she helped me enormously while struggling with post traumatic anxiety. Another friend of mine, having multiple sclerosis talked with me recently how people react when they learn about their illness. They say things like: „Oh my god, I would live constantly in a state of fear!“ or „How do you even manage to live your life?“ I experienced similar reactions. We both said to each other: Well we didn’t choose that illness. Sorry guys, but no one ever asked if we would like to have that experience. Life happens. Be grateful when you don’t have to go through that. And try to rather listen than comment on it when someone else is suffering.

This is so true for me. 11 months after learning that I have to deal with a life-threatening disease I faced a situation which was way beyond my comfort zone. So heavy and dark that I really thought I am going to die. I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I cried so much, from the bottom of my heart. Luckily I had family and friends that tried to get me through this hard time. Otherwise I don’t know what I would have done. I remember that I said to my dad the morning he brought me to the hospital: „Dad, I don’t wanna have this brain surgery!!!“ But he hugged me and then dropped me and I made my way. Alone. Cuz of corona. When the surgery was done and I learned that the tumor has a good forecast, I was happy for one day. Then this whole episode that I pushed myself through, revealed the trauma I developed. While my family felt an instant relief, I didn’t believe and trust my body anymore. I was still thinking I am going to die or maybe have other health issues. I was constantly in anxiety. Constantly. Night time, day time. And my family didn’t know what to do with me. Neither my friends. So I had to work myself out of this trauma. Again alone. So I went to a hospital, stayed 8 weeks in a psychological department with other patients - suffering from depression or anxiety. And still after leaving and going back home I was feeling I am still not like before. So I went once more. —> read more in the comments

I‘ve read the text down below first time 2014 and at that time I believed I understood this concept. Unfortunately I was so wrong and didn’t really get the true meaning due to misleading relationships my young age. 7 years later, experiencing the trauma of a life-threatening illness I can say that I know what she is talking a about. But still, I am on my way to fully understand it… nevertheless it’s a beautiful text that I would like to share.

„The thing is, we all just want to be loved. All of us. Deep down, every decision we make is based on our wanting to feel accepted and cared for. We all want to be loved and we can use that longing to create heaven and hell. Trusting in life, seeing the goodness in the people around us and learning to stay present in our day-to-day actions will draw us towards more love.
It‘s when we let the fear of not having enough take over that our decision making takes a wrong turn.
Suddenly we start directing our attention away from our true purpose and instead move towards ego, judgement and material things. Instead of trusting in the bigger picture we let fear take the reigns and everything will change. Suddenly, we easily get agitated. Stressed. Angry. We start looking at other people and feel threatened, jealous and insecure. You‘ll l know that you are on the right track when you can look at someone succeeding in the same field as you and feel genuinely, truly happy for them. Can you?
Take a step back and look at your current state of mind. What does your life look right now? Are you moving into the direction of love? Or are you letting fear run your life? Do you feel safe or insecure? Trust or doubt?

Here is the key: Always choose love. Every time. That doesn’t mean that you are avoiding difficulties for the rest of your life. It simply means that you make the decision to let your heart guide you instead of your mind.

Wenn der Kopf gegen einen arbeitet. Mein Kopf will kontrollieren, rebellieren, analysieren, polarisieren, manipulieren. Ich kann lange so weitermachen und aufzählen, was mein Kopf so alles versucht mit mir und anderen anzustellen. Und da ist dann noch mein Körper. Der das alles „mitmachen“ muss. Der nach 38 Jahren jetzt mal sagt: „Schluss“, in dem er mir immer wieder an anderen Stellen Schmerzen präsentiert. Mal sind es Halsschmerzen, dann Magenschmerzen, Rückenschmerzen… Die Liste an psychosomatischen Beschwerden ist quasi endlos. Und dennoch weiß ich, dass ich dank der langen Therapien und auch eigener harter Arbeit an mir selbst, schon ganz schön weit bin. Ich falle noch in tiefe Löcher, aber manchmal kann ich mich da wieder raus holen.
Das andere Mal hilft mir die Therapie. Das ist schwerste Arbeit. An sich zu arbeiten und seine Seele wieder ins Lot zu bringen, kostet Kraft. Sodass ich abends um 9 schon hundemüde bin. Und einiges an Federn hab ich auch lassen müssen. Aber es lohnt sich. Zumindest für mich und meine Mitmenschen. Während ich das hier schreibe, sitze ich auf dem Friedhof. Seltsamer und doch so idyllischer Ort. Um 12:30 Mittagessen, um 14:15 Gruppentherapie. Ich glaube es wird hart. Ich denke es wird eine Geschichte erzählt, die ich noch nicht hören kann. Rausgehen ist meine Devise. Man muss sich auch nicht immer zwingen. Man darf auch mal nein sagen.

Sich selbst nicht so ernst nehmen. Das kann in schweren oder schwierigen Phasen helfen. Humor ist wenn man über sich selbst lacht und sich dabei trotzdem treu bleibt. Das Foto ist während meiner 2. Woche in der stationären Therapie im entstanden. Schlaf ist so ein Thema dort. Zu dritt in einem Zimmer. Und dann ist man Geräusch-, Licht und Geruchssensibel. Ein Klassiker bei der Depression. Am Ende bin ich schlafen gegangen wie ein Weltraumfahrer 🚀. Ohrstöpsel, Kopfhörer, Schlafmaske. Ah und ganz wichtig: Die Antiknirschschiene, damit ich mir nachts nicht die Zähne weg schleife. Wellness geht irgendwie anders. 😅