Amateur football team based in Clontarf, Dublin. The team was founded May 2011. Other opponents include Howth Celtic and Raheny United.
The team has constant close battles with local rivals 'The Parish', most of these encounters resulting in a Harriers win. The team is made up of solely home grown players with intentions of playing for Ireland in the future. Most notably, Evan Finnegan was dropped from the squad after a falling out with Robert White. Evan was quickly sold to Doncaster Rovers for a record fee. He has made some inte
13/01/2015
After recently ending the drought, young superstar Roberto White has gotten more good news as a loan spell at Barcalona has been confirmed.
Roberto has been quoted as saying "I'm glad I'll able to showcase my skills in the La Liga this year, and I've also heard the Spanish birds are puuuaaa lethal, so I'll give them a good boinkin' too while I'm there"
14/06/2014
Shout out to Alfie Byrne Harriers player Conor Wickham for taking time out of his busy sheduale of riding brazzers to purchase some toys for his girlfriend, and long time Alfie Byrne Harriers supporter, Michelle, to compensate for his small mickey. How thoughtful of him.
An incredible game of football was played in Parque Di Santi Anne today between The Alfie Byrne Harriers and a very strong Howth Celtic side. The game eventually got underway after some venue confusion with the Park Ranger.
The Harriers side that faced Howth today was a weakened side from their last encounter with a lot of Harriers players out with vaginal soreness. But worst of all was the excuse from Paul 'Freshy Freshness' Adamson. This is a direct quote from Paul in the lead up to the game, "Ah lads I can't a match in dah rain, I'll get me Nike Airmax all durty, I need to do me huur as well". Paul will be stripped of his captaincy for his actions and receive a lengthy spell on the side lines.
The highlight of the day was dear Robert 'Tender Lovin' Whites sterling performance at left back. Whispers around the ground were calling him 'The Blonde Cafu'. Robert earned the deserved Man Of The Match award after he slotted home the winning penalty in a thrilling 4-4 encounter which saw goals from Ross Coy, Aron Connolly, Gareth Meagher and Joe Kelly(Honorary Harriers Player).
Goals for Howth came from the petit feet of Jack Macken, Jack Hitchcock, David Teeling and Matthew Lambe.
It was decided on a penalty shootout in the end with the Harriers attaining a 100% strike rate by not missing one penalty.
Anarchy ensued after Robert slotted home the final penalty, a 'pile-on' then commenced which Robert was on the bottom of.
Apparently loves it when a group of boys in tight shorts jump on top of him though.
Gardaí are currently investigating a vicious assault in which Robert was repeatedly kicked in the head by a masked crusader wearing a hat, if you listen closely in the video you can hear his name being mention, if you have any information on this incident please contact 666-4800 xo
More footage has been leaked from the Harriers pre season trip to Hersonissos, Crete. Be warned this is NSFW.
Harriers star Ross 'Disco Stu' Coy can be seen in this video after a tough Harriers Fitness session. The session was a intense running session, hence the weak legs seen in the video.
Although Ross was put through a very tough training session, one that makes him lose the ability of his legs temporarily, it's seen in the video that he always makes time for a dance.
Ross also recently daringly went where no man has gone before and was the first person up to dance at the DCU B&E Ball. It's believed that next year Ross will be entering the popular tv show 'Strictly Come Dancing'.
It's also important to note that even though there was no music in the background, that will never stop a harrier from creating his own beat and dancing into the night.
Ross is the pinnacle of what the Harriers represent, play hard, party hard, hit the toilet seat hard.
Xo
27/02/2014
Recent images have just surfaced of the Harriers pre season training trip to Hersonissos, Crete.
It seems that with all the pool antics poor Robert White suffered a gluteus maximus strain. Luckily for him though we had a team physio on hand to give him a deep tissue massage. Even though the physio said it wasn't necessary, Robert insisted that he had to be fully naked for the massage to get the full healing affects.
Reports suggest that after the Roberts massage, the team physio quit her post after she had been put through what she described was a 'traumatic experience'. Luckily for her though she was able to find work as the new Chelsea physio.
After seeing all the attention that Robert was getting, team mates Gavin O'Brien and Paul Adamson insisted that their arse's were hurting them as well.
Luckily for the Alfie Byrne Harriers, there seem to have been no similar injuries since Brian McDonnell took over as team physio.
He must be doing a great job. Ada boy Bruno xo
25/02/2014
Big news coming soon as the Harriers will unveil their much anticipated kit deal.
We are very proud to announce a new kit deal with Adidas, they fought spectacularly for the Alfie Byrne Harriers signature fighting off competition from Nike, PUMA and Umbro.
The current Alfie Byrne Harriers kits, supplied by Shenanigans Irish Pub, will go for auction and will be expected to be priced at around ¥500,000 each. Obviously, more memorable jerseys will be put straight into the Alfie Byrne Harriers museum.
The jerseys were needed as the wife beaters didn't provide enough cover in the cold winter months, it's believed that Ronan McDyer's ni***es actually fell off.
Also the new kits will be skin tight so they'll complement the beer bellys and man b***s built up in the winter training period.
Stay tuned for more updates and the unveiling. xo
14/02/2014
If you're alone this St. Valentines Day, fear not, The Harriers are here for you. We're giving you the opportunity to go on a romantic date with local heart throb Robert 'tender lovin' White.
Of course with Robert's recent coming out, this competition isn't strictly open to girls, many guys will be in with a chance too.
The date will include a trip to the movies to watch Wolf Of Wallstreet (to get you in the mood), and then back to his house for some pizza, some s*x, yeno see where it goes. Robert has been quoted directly as saying "I can't guarantee that she/he will see much of the film lol"
All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning this prize is like this post.
HARRIERS OFFICIAL STATEMENT:
After a recent video of Gareth Meagher went viral making extremely s*xist comments (as funny as they may be), it's confirmed that Gareth will receive a lengthy ban, believed to be 10 weeks as well as being fined 3 weeks wages (3 Freddos and a Snickers).
Hopefully with all this time off Gareth can think about what he did, and focus on his gardening.
Gareth reacted to the allegations by saying "I was only buzzin', I love when them bi***es make me a sandwich, and anyway who gives a s**t about a woman's point of view, their only view should be out the kitchen window"
One lucky Harriers fan across the pond got a lucky pack and got his favourite Harriers player, as you can see he gets quite emotional. This isn't the first time that someone has said 'F**k me in the ass' upon seeing Brodie for the first time
18/01/2014
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: The EA Sports FIFA Ultimate Team of the Year has just released the Strikers. This has been the most hotly sought after event since the second coming of Christ.
Star Striker Paul 'Paulinho' Adamson has made this years star studded team. Paul is controversially 'el captaino' of the Harriers after many years of service. It's widely known that Paul scored one of the best goals in footballing history because, well, he never shuts up about it. Paul has many abilities that secured his spot on the team this year, one of them being his ability to 'fist pump the s**te out of a snap chat video'. It's believed that Paul's new found sense of agility is down to his spankin' new pair of Nike Air Max. Let's just hope those puppies stay as blindingly white as they are now.
Alongside Pauly up front and our final selection is Clontarf's very own, Sean 'Brodatelli' Brodie. Brodie is some what of a legend around Clontarf, as well as Dublin. He's goes under other alias's such as 'The Wall' and 'The Brodie Bang'. Sean's selection on the team was down to his scoring ability both on and off the pitch, Brodie has hospitalized many a female in his time and there's no plan of stopping that any time in the near future. Brodie is also widely known for giving the 'kiss of life' to an ex-army holiday goer. A statue of Brodie has been erected on Starbeach, Crete because of his efforts. It's also widely reported that Brodie has to strap his flute to his leg whilst participating in games, much like that of the late Michael Clarke Duncan, so he doesn't knock someone out, and that's a talent in itself, which is more than enough reason for Brodie to be selected for this years team.
It's now thought that recent open gay, Rob White, will try to lure Brodie into his s*x palace to show him his 'little pe**er'. This could go either way. We'll have more as it happens.
17/01/2014
We'd like to congratulate star striker Robert White for coming out as gay last night. After watching Tom Daleys video he said it gave him courage. It's believed that Roberts dip in form recently was due to his uncertainty about his s*xuality, we expect big things from him now that he's come out.
16/01/2014
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: EA Sports FIFA Ultimate Team of the Year has just been released. The release will span over 3 days with the Goalkeepers and Defenders on Day one. The line up is as follows:
Conor 'Beadelini' Beades in goal; no surprise there as Beadilini was the only person who was s**te outfield and alright in goal.
The defence is Ronan 'RÖzil' McDyer at Right Back; Ronan battled throughout the season with other occupations (Nolan's, Clontarf) as well as being vertically challenged but managed to secure his spot on the team in the end.
In the Centre Back positions we have Killian 'Marshchisio' Marsh and Aron 'Aro'o' Connolly. These men are the hardest c***s in Clontarf, believed to eat coal for breakfast and s**t diamonds. There's a reason the Harriers defence is impenetrable; these two.
And at Left Back is Gavin 'Gavaldo' O'Brien; Gavin was faced with problems on and off the pitch this year. He struggled to make it into the country past border control but we're glad he did. He pulled through to receive an award for placing in top 3 best left footed players on the team and this certainly helped his selection.
Also mentioned in the team of the year this year is Manager of the Year; Brendan 'Brenteke' Ryan. Brendan brought that extra bit of flair to the side which saw them go on and defeat all possible rivals. There was a lot of controversy surrounding this decision because Cáelán 'Cákalante' Tummon had managed the side for most of the season but having to step down because of other commitments with a Serie A side. Cáelán still likes to attend the odd game and act the bo****ks on the side line. Good on ya Cako.