Kahina Mendoza

I had no idea that cart was rolling me into the biggest initiation of my life.

Five years ago today, I stood in an empty airport with my husband and my cat.
It was November 27th, 2020, the world was still navigating the pandemic fire and the borders to Costa Rica had just reopened so it was time for us to move back.

I was pushing a luggage cart toward the gate, pretending playfully that I was walking through the wall at the platform Harry Potter and his friends used to reach Hogwarts.
I didn’t know I was stepping into the greatest initiation of my life.

I had a sense something huge was coming though. It was clear in my bones.
Leading up to that, I had a series of vivid alchemical dreams.
My intuition was strong. The synchronicities wild.
But I couldn’t have known the shape it would take.

In five years, I would become a mother twice.
I would almost die giving birth.
I would collapse in every way a person can collapse.
Body, identity, nervous system.

And yet I would survive, not as the same woman, but as someone who had to meet herself in the places she had spent most of her life escaping.

Before that, my inner Seeker in flight mode, would have the freedom to escape, travel, run away from painful external circumstances, postponing the difficult ‘we need to talk’ conversations with my soul.

Looking back, I see how we inevitably feel it: that pull in the body, that knowing in the bones that "Something is coming".
We may not know what lies ahead, but we do feel the threshold approaching.

Some of these lifequakes are voluntary but most are involuntary, out of our control.

And while we cannot control the initiations life brings, we can choose how we walk them.
We can build the inner capacity to meet what comes, not with armor, but with awareness.
Not with bracing, but with breath.
We can slow down. Get support. Regulate. Resource.
Listen to the deeper messages of our Soul.
So it doesn’t have to become another trauma. It can become embodied transformation.

If you are in that space now, feeling the edge, the unknown gathering, the most important thing you can do is tend to yourself.
The version of you on the other side will thank you.

PS: For the first time I feel called to mark the occasion with a black Friday special: my signature Archetype Mapping Assessment + Session is 30% off this week.
It’s a powerful first step to uncover your patterns, reclaim your power, and map what is truly yours to embody.
Here is the link. Use the coupon code MAPPING30 to get the discount.
https://kahinamendoza.com/archetype-mapping/

We had no daycare this week. Both our little ones were sick. Then my husband got sick too.
So there I was, reshuffling plans, trying to stay present while feeling like I was falling behind.

I knew this was one of those out-of-control moments. So I surrendered.
I even managed to lock myself in a room for a quick yoga session while they were having a snack.
Trying to take it easy. Breathing through it. Surprising myself observing my patience.
Until Day 6 came… and I snapped.

My toddler was testing every single limit I had that day.
I held it together until bedtime, then collapsed on the couch.
Phone in hand, mind still spinning.
I stopped scrolling when I saw a post from a dad talking about how full days with young kids, like vacation weeks, can create high levels of stress for both parents and children.

I knew that. But in the heat of it, I had forgotten.
And reading those words, I felt something soften. Validation. Relief even.
A reminder from Life through this random dad on my feed I wasn't even following.

Because this isn’t how it’s meant to be.
From an anthropological perspective, parenting in isolation is not natural.
Children were once raised in community, by grandparents, aunties, uncles, elders.
And yet here we are, modern parents, high expectations, little support.

We’re both expats raising our children far from extended family. Add to this the complexity of being entrepreneurs.
Sometimes the pressure we put on ourselves is… just not human.

So I’m sharing this today in case you need the reminder too.

You are doing your best.
You are not alone.
Life is beautiful AND messy.

And both can be true.

If this speaks to you, share it. Or tag someone who needs to hear it.
We’re all in this together 💜

“I feel like I’m behind on everything.”
That was the thought that pulled me back into this practice.

Human Being vs. Human Doing.
A concept we talk about often. But rarely feel safe enough to live.

The truth is, I still get caught in it.

Caught in the quiet hum of overthinking.
In the invisible weight of everything I’ve said yes to, consciously or unconsciously.

All the unspoken agreements I carry:
• the unfinished tasks
• the mental tabs still open
• the subtle pressure to hold it all, perfectly, quietly

And it activates something in my nervous system.
A sense of urgency. A loop of not enough.
Even when my body is still, my mind is sprinting.

It drains me.
Not just physically. But energetically.
Like my life force is leaking through invisible cracks created by unchecked expectations.

When I catch myself in this loop, I return to a quiet practice that helped me tremendously in the past.
One that is helping me reclaim my energy and return to integrity.

I have been writing down every agreement I have made.
With myself. With others. With life.

And I ask:
• Do I still choose this?
• Is this mine to carry?
• Does this align with who I am becoming?
• If yes, what is the next step and when will I take it?
• If no, can I release it, consciously and with care?

This isn’t a to-do list. It’s an energetic refinement.

It’s a simplification rooted not in avoidance, but in devotion.

Because integrity isn’t just about keeping promises.
It’s also about letting go of the ones that are no longer true.

And now, in this Virgo eclipse season, we’re being invited to do just that.

To release what no longer reflects the truth of who we are.
Not to perfect our lives. But to purify our path.

This is the quiet work of spiritual discernment.
Of coming home to your center.
Of choosing presence over performance.

Your worth is not measured by your output.
You do not have to hold it all.

You already are enough.🤍

If you try this practice, start by naming 5 to 10 agreements that no longer feels aligned.

If you feel called to share how it lands in your body, I would be honored to witness.

Thresholds and initiations have marked my path again and again.
Burnout, loss, reinvention, and the fire of becoming a mother twice in two years.

When we are here to serve a purpose bigger than ourselves, it is natural that life will initiate us. A force greater than us moves through to prepare us for the next chapter of our journey.

I know what it feels like to hold so much for others that you forget yourself.
To go through change so big it shakes your identity.
To feel both powerful and lost at the same time.

The initiations I have lived are the ground of my work.
I am not offering concepts I only studied.
I am offering medicine I have earned.

This is the essence of my work: guiding conscious leaders, founders, mothers, and healers to meet life transitions with archetypal depth and somatic embodiment.

Because clarity is not only mindset. Power is not only action. Wholeness comes when body, psyche, and spirit walk together.

This is a space for your full self: the visionary and the vulnerable, the one who holds and the one who needs holding too.

If you are standing at a threshold of your own, I welcome you to reach out. Send me a message or schedule a call, and we can explore together what wants to emerge for you.

How far do you go to nurture others?
There is an archetype I’ve been walking with closely: The Nurturer.

For me, the wounded part of it shows up in small, ordinary moments that add up:

-Skipping the gym because the morning routine to get the kids out the door took longer than expected.

-Cancelling my yoga class to preserve my partner from chaos after a big toddler tantrum and a tense atmosphere.

-Snacking on kids’ lunch leftovers instead of sitting down to enjoy the nutritious salad I had planned to prepare for myself.

I know how essential these practices are for my wellbeing, and yet they are the first thing to go when family needs arise.

For a long time, I felt shame about this contradiction : of being such a powerful guide to help others in their deepest transformations, and yet feeling such a failure abandoning my body again and again.

Here is what I’ve learned:
Being aware of the pattern is not the same as having fully transformed it.
Awareness is the beginning. Transformation does require support.

That is why I recently chose to work with a personal health coach to get the momentum I need to stop falling off the wagon and make strength training and nutrition a non-negotiable part of my life.

I often say that even guides, mentors, and leaders need holding when it is time to shift a pattern that has run too long.
You are a Nurturer but who is nurturing you?

This wounded expression of the Nurturer is not a failure.
She is the part of us that kept the family alive, the home stable, the work moving.
The one who carried more than her share.
But she cannot take us forward.

The work now is to honor her, and to call forward her healed expression: The empowered Nurturer.
The one who replenishes first and gives from overflow.

Where do you notice the inner Nurturer in your life?
I would love to hear how it shows up for you in the comments.

This is the “Back from the Underworld” face. Or one of them. I’ve been there many times.

Last week, I was unexpectedly hit by an emotional flashback.
It coincided with the anniversary of my father’s death 27 years ago.
A grief I thought I had mostly processed, and yet, my body reminded me otherwise. It lasted for several days.

In the midst of it, I reached out to a fellow trauma-informed coach and dear friend.
To remember that this too is part of the path, that being triggered doesn’t mean something is wrong: it means we are alive, healing, and human.

This is something I’ve witnessed over and over again, not just in myself, but in nearly every client I’ve guided, every healer or leader I’ve spoken with.
Those of us doing deep work often carry some level of chronic PTSD that goes unacknowledged.

And if you are neurodivergent, hypersensitive, or have experienced developmental trauma, the impact is real.

Especially those who have a dominant Magician archetype.
Our stories often begin with an early rupture, a deep wound that sets the journey in motion.
We go through the fire, we transform, and eventually, we return with the elixir, the gift, the medicine we’re here to share.

And while it’s powerful to name this through myth and symbol (my favorite lens always), there is another layer that must also be acknowledged: the Human layer.

The part of us that doesn’t always feel ready for the intensity of the journey.
The nervous system that still holds the imprint.
The body that remembers what the mind might try to transcend.
I believe that the antidote is not to go it alone.

The medicine is Connection, Co-regulation, Witnessing and Somatic integration.
And yes, a symbolic map that meets the wisdom of the body.
That’s the work I live and guide: archetypal reflection paired with grounded, embodied healing.

I have been dreaming of a community of Soul Based Leaders who walk this path together.

A space where we bring our full selves: the mystic and the mortal, the guide and the one who grieves, the one who knows and the one who forgets.

I’ll always hold space for 1:1 work. I cherish the depth and intimacy it allows.
And…
This collective experience that has been gestating is ready to be born.
I envision a group container where we honor both the science and the soul, the trauma and the transformation, the sacred and the mundane.

What would you need to feel supported in this journey?

I would love to hear from you. Comment or message me to share your thoughts and how it lands with you. 🙏

Scientists have discovered that the human heart is more than just a pump it has its own intrinsic nervous system containing over 40,000 neurons, often referred to as the “heart brain.” This network allows the heart to learn, store memories, and even make decisions independently of the brain.

Even more surprising is how the heart communicates with the brain. Roughly 80% of the signals traveling through the vagus nerve flow from the heart to the brain, not the other way around. This means many of our emotional cues, instincts, and “gut feelings” may actually be driven by neural activity in the heart itself.

Far from simply following the brain’s orders, the heart actively influences our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. It’s a powerful reminder that mind and body are deeply interconnected and that the wisdom of the heart may be more literal than we ever imagined.

Source: Neurocardiology research, HeartMath Institute.

Exactly one month ago, I was invited to an adult birthday party.
It happened to fall right during the evening routine, which is often the most emotionally charged time of day in our home.
My daughter needs my hand to fall asleep. My son needs presence too. And until that night, I hadn’t stepped away from bedtime since we went from one to two children.

When my friend asked if my family was joining, I said I would come alone.
A part of me knew this was important.
And my husband, for the first time, handled the entire evening by himself.

I came home expecting stories of chaos or at least some small challenge.
Instead, he said, “It went perfectly.” No tantrums. No struggles.
I couldn't believe it!

Not because I doubt his parenting, but because somewhere deep down, I had convinced myself that this part of the day had to be mine.
That I was the only one who could hold the storm. That I had to protect him from it.

But the truth is, that was never reality.
That was a mental construct.
A story rooted in my own wounded Caregiver wiring.
The part of me that always steps in, holds it all, and absorbs the intensity.

That evening changed something in me.
Since then, I’ve gone to a few more gatherings. And tomorrow, I’m doing something else I love: a yoga class right in the heart of the evening routine.

It’s not about letting down my family.
It’s about reclaiming a part of myself that I hadn’t made space for in a very long time. The night owl who craves freedom.

And perhaps, it’s also about trusting that I’m not the only one who can hold things well.

Maybe that’s the most radical act of care of all.

Have you ever experienced a moment like this?
I’d love to hear what helped you start reclaiming space for yourself too.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling… off.
A long to-do list waiting for me.
A body that felt heavy, under the weather.
And that familiar pull to just push through it all.

But instead of diving into my day with tension and urgency,
I chose to give myself space.
I rolled out my mat, lit a candle, and opened my Down Dog app for a 30-minute yin yoga session.

The energy of the day was not about performance or productivity.
It was about presence.

A gentle return to my body.
A moment to soothe my nervous system.
A sacred pause to remember: I do not have to abandon myself just because life feels full.

It did not make the to-do list disappear.
In fact, I am giving Monday a second shot this morning.
But that short practice changed how I met the day:
Softer. Clearer. More rooted in my own rhythm.

If you are feeling a little off today, I want to remind you:
You do not have to earn your rest.
You do not have to be “on” to be worthy.
And you are allowed to begin your week in alignment with what your body and soul actually need.

How might your week shift if you gave yourself permission to begin from softness?