Shape Coaching

Day 4 of FYM was my favourite so far 🥳🥳🥳

We went on a coastal walk 😎

The route was unknown, with no planned end destination. We talked, stopped a bunch of times, took photos, saw the cutest goats (still not over it! 😍), ate some snacks at a popup van, and ended up at a beach just shy of Monaco.

Before we set off on route, we couldn't possibly know how the day would unfold. There was no limitation to what was possible. It was open, free and without a sense of time.

On the way back, there was an end point to get to. That end point created instant limitation. The way back felt so much quicker because we thought we've seen it all, so let's focus on getting back.

I often do this in life.
'I already know the outcome.'
'Been here, done that.'

And I don't slow down to the possibility that is always present for me. I take the path most travelled without realising there is always another path.

For a long time I took the well trodden path of anxiety. I convinced myself that worrying about 'insert problem,' was the quickest path to peace.
That's what I believed.

Until I realised that worrying can't create peace. It creates more worry.

Being at peace creates peace.

Going through conflict to get to peace is the greatest misunderstanding I've had.

I can be at peace now.

It doesn't have to be after I've worried some more 🤯🤯🤯

This is the path that is always available to me, that I couldn't see in the past.

After the walk, we returned home. I napped, and then we had a 2 hour conversation sharing our insights from the week so far. This conversation blew my little mind.

One thing I took from it was that I get to create my 'easy' because easy is a concept.
For example, I have made it easier for myself not to eat meat because I don't want to take part in the growth of the meat industry. That's easy for me because I decided it is.

I get to choose my easy.

This morning, I've been contemplating on what 'easy' I want to create for healthy eating and exercise.

What I'm deeply experiencing is that everything is a choice. We perceive and create our reality simultaneously.

Being aware of the creation part is a game-changer.

Rajni 💛💛💛

I'm slowing down day by day on the Free Your Mind Retreat.

Yesterday I woke up and swam 25 lengths of the pool, not thinking about how much I need to do that day. I was being present.

I'm being more present each day because I've been asking myself:
Can I be ok with whatever experience I am having within?

This means if what I'm feeling doesn't feel good, can I be ok with it being there? Instead of trying to control it 💫💫💫

We watched an episode of Rick and Morty in the morning and I had the same insight come through in different words.

The need to control the outcome is what has me living like I'm already dead.
Trying to control how I feel is like trying to control a child having a tantrum. You don't.
The more you try to control them, the louder and more reactive they get.

The mind is similar. The more I try to control thought and feelings, the more reactive the internal experience I'm having gets.

Later, we watched Inception and then had a breakdown session of what we learned in the pool 👙🏝

In the film, Leo's character is riddled with guilt about his dead wife.

He has locked the thoughts and feelings of her away in his subconscious and his projection of her keeps coming back increasingly aggressive each time, until he sits with her in the dream and speaks to her with love and in his words 'let's her go.' To me, this is him choosing to be ok with the guilt being there.

It's the same with thoughts and feelings. When we unconditionally love ourselves and our inner experience, no matter what it is, letting go returns us to our natural default state of peace.

Holding on and trying to control our thoughts and feelings is only ever an innocent misunderstanding that doesn't require further judgment, because we will never win that game.

We only need to shine the light of love on ourselves in order to peacefully dissolve the thoughts and feelings into the nothingness from which they came.

I'm starting to deeply see this about the thoughts and feelings that I have about my body 🤯

The rain cleared up in the evening and we went for a beautiful walk and sat under the stars.

Rajni 💛💛💛

Realising and letting go of who I think I am has freed me from so much of the suffering I used to experience. 

I believed I was fun-loving and bubbly, the life of the party, and when someone said I wasn't or when the doctor told me I was depressed, I was devastated.

I felt lost and confused. I felt like I had lost myself.

Who the hell was I?

What I came to see was that who I really am is formless energy from a divine source of Truth.

Everything else is thought in the moment.

Who I am, is not my thought created identity. Not really.

When I deeply saw this, I began to suffer way less, and enjoy life waaaay more.

'What the hell shall I write about? I’m supposed to have something profound to share because I’m a coach.’

I’ve had an insane amount of learnings come through me these past 2 years.

But with all of the growth and expansion, I sometimes feel like I’m going backwards.
 
Because progress, evolution and growth are messy. They aren’t linear and smooth sailing.

I notice that, at times, I can’t quite seem to ariculate my insights; the more I learn, the less I seem to know. And then I start to panic.

Why haven’t I figured it all out by now?

Why don’t I know yet?

How comes I’m not ‘there’ yet?

I start to feel stressed, stuck and frustrated.

I know that when I am experiencing restlessness, that it’s an indication that I need to slow everything down.

The mind meets the idea of slowing down with great resistance, convincing me that I need to speed up.

There seems to be somewhere that it needs to get to that will provide it with ease and comfort.

But I deeply know the opposite to be true.
 

So, I don’t listen to the mind.

Instead, I lie down on my bed and look at the ceiling.

I start noticing the thoughts coming through me.

They are all about needing to know, rushing, needing to get somewhere, needing to feel at ease.
 
I start to count them like counting sheep. I can see how fast they are jumping over that fence, like they are being chased. I’ve been BEING like those sheep. 

In the silence, I realise that the truth is, I have no idea why I'm running. The only reason I would do that is if I was trying to solve a thought.
 
Then, a knowing comes through me:
The answers you are searching for don't exist. They are an illusion created by thinking.

I feel my body relax. I realise that there is nowhere to be or to get to, other than where I am right now.

Trying to be somewhere else because the thoughts in my head say so, is the very thing keeping me from returning to the peace that I already am.

When I feel lost, it’s only ever because I’m chasing momentary thought.
 
Lying on my bed, I remembered that I am peace, I am whole, I am complete.

And there’s NOTHING that I need to figure out.

When I realised that, this piece wrote itself 💫

*Dropping the judgements I hold against myself is deepening the most important relationship I have*
 
The relationship I have with myself 💛

Last week I shared a vulnerable post on binge eating.
I was judging myself.
Hard.
 
Since then, I have really slowed down.
I noticed how I was rushing.
I noticed how I was believing thoughts that I should be doing more in my business.
 
I acted on these thoughts.
 
This resulted in binge eating.
Not paying as much attention to my husband.
Not creating time to rest.

Because I had to get more work done.

I caught myself. I slowed down. I stopped everything and I sat. I also received coaching.

Here's what happened:
 
I was getting caught up in thinking, kinda like getting swept away by the wind.
 
I was believing that I needed to work more so I would feel good about how much I was doing.
 
But feelings don’t come from things, stuff or achievements. They don’t come from anything outside of ourselves.
They come from within us based on the thinking we are attached to in the moment.
 
 
When I slowed down, I asked myself: Why do I need to do more? What’s enough? When will it be enough?
 
And in that moment, I felt the thought and feelings gently pass like clouds.

 
I was so stressed when I believed that I wasn’t enough.

Being in scarcity creates thinking that we have to take action in order to be more.

Deeply seeing through the illusion of thought allowed me to return to the truth that I am whole, I am pure love and I am peace. 

How can I be more whole, more peace or more love than I already am?

I can't because that doesn't make any sense.

And when something doesn't make sense, it doesn't require anymore thinking on it to solve it.

So instead of working on the judgements, I was able to see right through them. That they just aren't true.

And then it made sense for me to drop them.

Striving to be anywhere other than here, is what's getting in the way of us experiencing happiness now 🎁

We spend a lifetime trying to fit into an idea of who we think we are.

But what if all that wasn't necessary?

💛💛💛

Waiting to feel a certain type of way before you do the thing you really want to do, is what’s getting in the way of you creating the life you want 💫

It's only ever a choice between our truth or our thinking, in any and every moment.

It takes slowing down, really slowing down our thinking, to see the reality of our world.

To deeply see what is loud, racing thought and what is quietly, powerful intuition.

Amongst the loud racing thoughts, we can often be convinced that this is what's real and true.

But through my own experience of my peace being disrupted, again and again, this is what I've found to be true
👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆