20/08/2026
And this week, we got to test whether all that fu***ng practice actually worked.
It did.
Please excuse the swearing but needs must sometimes; this Mama Bear is ROARRING!
My daughter was sitting on a bench outside a coffee shop, with her pasty, while I went inside to get drinks.
There were two benches.
An older man, mid 50’s, walked over to her and asked if he could sit beside her.
It sounds innocent enough.
But this is exactly the kind of moment we have talked about.
Compliance.
Not necessarily because we know that was his intention. We don't. But because, from a safeguarding perspective, this is where we need to pay attention.
Will the child comply with an adult's request simply because an adult has asked?
Will she move?
Will she engage?
Will she feel she has to be polite?
Will she override that little feeling inside that says, I don't like this. This doesn't feel right, because she's been taught to be kind, helpful and respectful to adults?
That's the vulnerability.
And that's why teaching children that they don't have to automatically comply with an unfamiliar adult is so important.
Will she comply?
She didn't.
She simply said:
“No. My mum's coming now.”
And she stayed where she was.
If she had said yes he could sit, then he was half way through the door. All he needs to do now is start chatting, ascertain if mum really is coming, feign his phone dying and ask to use hers. Give out a big sigh and ask her for help, could she show him the way too…
After over 20 years as a therapist the opportunists move gently through the world. Just under the radar so no-one notices. One minute the child is there and the next…
The woman on the other bench, dressed in scrubs, had seen what was happening. Her spidey senses were up.
She said to the man:
“You can sit here.”
Then she smiled at my daughter and raised her eyebrows as if to say, “Why would he want to sit next to you when there was ample seating elsewhere” she slammed that door in his face.
A small moment.
But a fu***ng important one.
Because another woman saw my daughter being put into a potentially vulnerable position by an adult male and looked out for her.
And then I came back.
And my daughter immediately told me what had happened.
She didn't keep it inside. She didn't wonder whether she was being rude. She didn't think, “Maybe Mum will think I'm making a fuss.”
She told me. Because she had noticed a few things, he didn’t have a coffee, or any lunch, or bags or any reason to be sitting at these lunch tables. It felt off to her that a grown man would choose to want to sit next to her, a kid, and not go sit at the other bench with the women. Her spidey senses were well up and fine tuned!
This is what we need to teach our children. Look out for the small things, and trust their gut.
Not to be frightened of every stranger or to assume every adult is dangerous.
But to recognise when something feels unnecessary, uncomfortable or wrong, and find their voice in the moment. Even if it turns out they are wrong it is better than the alternative.
And then tell their safe adult.
Because this is the bit we need our kids to understand:
An aware, conscious and safe adult should know better than to put a child in an unnecessary vulnerable position.
An adult won’t ask a child who they do not know, if it is ok to sit with them at a lunch table.
An adult won't ask an unfamiliar child for directions, to use their phone, or for help when there is absolutely no reason they couldn't approach another adult instead. They simply don't put themselves, or that child, in a situation that could reasonably be perceived as inappropriate or threatening.
And yes, if challenged, they may say, “That wasn't my intention. I didn't realise how it looked.” But a responsible adult understands that intent isn't the only consideration. It's about recognising how their behaviour could make a child vulnerable, and avoiding creating that situation in the first place. A safe adult simply wouldn't put themselves or a child in that position.
And children need to know this and they need to know they are allowed to say:
NO to an adult. And if needs must, “F**K OFF YOU NONCE.”
So we practise this.
Usually in the car. Windows up. Doors locked.
Because sometimes you have to rehearse your voice before you need it.
I'll give her scenarios.
“You're walking down the street and an adult approaches you and asks for directions.”
We practise:
Don't stop.
Don't make eye contact.
Keep walking.
You don't owe a stranger your time or attention.
Then we practise the next level.
“NO.”
Louder.
“NO!”
Again.
“F**K OFF!”
My beautiful, golden hearted, gorgeous 12 year old girl needs to be rude, unruly, non-compliant, aware, awake and ready to not only survive in this world but to thrive in this world. It breaks my heart that we are in this position, that we need to do this. But need's must.
And, so we practise.
We talk about a physical escape too, creating distance, getting loud and doing whatever is necessary to break away and get to safety, go into the nearest shop, find a mum with some kids.
Because I don't want her first experience of using her voice to be when she's terrified and nothing comes out.
I want her to already know:
I HAVE A VOICE.
I AM ALLOWED TO USE IT.
I AM NOT HAVING THIS S**T.
We talk about opportunists. We talk about compliance. We talk about distraction. Headphones. Phones. Being completely absorbed in your own world. We talk about noticing what is happening around you. Because this is the world our children are growing up in. And as parents, carers and adults, we need to level up.
Not scare our children but to tool them up. Give them awareness. Give them language.
Give them boundaries. Give them permission to be loud. Give them permission to walk away. Give them permission to be rude when their safety requires it.
And above all:
Give them permission to tell us.
Because if something happens, I don't care whether my child mis-reads a situation, or did not handle it perfectly. I care that they listened to their gut, and called it out, got away, and came and told me.
I just like to add I'm a boy mum too.
So I've had these conversations with my sons. Because our beautiful boys are vulnerable too.
All children can be targeted by opportunistic adults, including people they might not immediately recognise as a threat, a family member, a teacher, a group leader, a friend.
Being male doesn't make you invulnerable. Being bigger doesn't mean you can't be intimidated or manipulated. And being a boy doesn't mean you should laugh off sexual comments, touching, pressure or behaviour that feels wrong.
You don't have to play along. You don't have to prove you're a man. You don't have to protect an adult's feelings. EVER!
Find your fu***ng voice.
Get away.
Say no.
Get loud.
Tell someone.
Because this works both ways.
We need children who know they can protect themselves.
And we need boys who will become men to fully understand what it means to be a man, and understand that strength isn't exploiting someone who is vulnerable. It's recognising vulnerability and choosing to protect it; and calling out those who do not.
This education doesn't start in school. It doesn't start when they're teenagers. It starts way before that at our kitchen table.
Because abuse survives in silence.
It survives when children are too frightened to speak. It survives when “be nice” is louder than “trust your gut.” It survives when children think adults are always right. It survives when a child believes they need to protect the character of someone else, over and above themselves.
So let's change that.
Let's raise children who notice. Who questions? Who walks away. Who shouts. Who will tell.
Who keeps telling until somebody listens.
We don't need perfectly behaved children.
We need aware children with voices.
Children who know not to be compliant.
Children who know;
My body is mine.
My boundaries matter.
I do not have to please an adult.
I can say NO.
I can walk away.
I can shout.
I can tell.
And if somebody crosses that line?
F**K OFF, YOU NONCE.
Is a complete sentence.
Big Love,
Trish x
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