Christina Macnamara

It's not always a win to 'get out of your comfort zone' and go to something when you don't feel like it. One of the skills I've honed in my burnout recovery has been getting less used to getting out of my comfort zone.

If you're autistic, the idea of even having a comfort zone can be novel. The transformation comes from discovering and cultivating the possibility of comfort, and learning to experience that kind of safety.

Because it's not always true that when you 'push through' and give something a go, it's worth it. Just get ready, go to the party, you can always leave if you don't like it - nothing to lose!

But if you're autistic you actually could have quite a lot to lose. You might feel totally exhausted from having tried. You might need to lie in a dark room for the next two days. You might lose your social capacity for the next two weeks and struggle to do your job.

So it's important actually to learn to say no. To let yourself stay home. To dwell more regularly in your comfort zone when you can.

And yet... there is immense value in social connection, and in not letting your life get too small. That's where the autistic conflict often lies. How do I trust myself, how do I know when to challenge myself and when to just... not?

I wish I had a straightforward answer to that one, but I don't. In my own life and in client sessions, it's an exploration of many subtle threads rather than a formula or solution.

Some of the common threads:

- Letting yourself need less social time than other people (and removing the self-judgement about it).

- Unpicking the sense of obligation and social demand if it's driving your decisions.

- Learning how your body tells you what it needs (and actually letting that drive your decisions).

- Observing the impact over time when you push beyond your comfort zone (where you - get refuelled and where you get drained).

- Naming the internal rules you don't want to break (e.g. it's not ok to let people down, you should enjoy parties, you can't leave early).

Working with these kinds of themes, you can start orienting towards your own comfort zone. Building your capacity for social time, whilst strengthening the boundaries that protect your energy.

Read more on my blog: https://christinamacnamara.com/when-get-out-of-your-comfort-zone-is-bad-advice-for-autistic-people/

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Hello! I'm a coach who works with neurodivergent people. My approach blends deep coaching with practical strategies, helping you work with your natural strengths rather than against them.

Get in touch if you'd like support in understanding your neurodivergence, and building a more effective, positive self-concept around it.

If you've ever forgotten what you were doing mid-task, lost track of a conversation, or let someone down despite genuinely meaning to follow through, working memory is probably part of the picture.

A lot of people with ADHD worry that leaning on reminders and notes is admitting defeat, or that it will make their memory worse over time. It won't.

I've written a new post looking at working memory, how it can affect relationships, the neuroscience behind it, and some things to try to help improve it over time.

https://christinamacnamara.com/working-memory-and-adhd

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Hello! I'm a coach who works with neurodivergent people. My approach blends deep coaching with practical strategies, helping you work with your natural strengths rather than against them.

Get in touch if you'd like support in understanding your neurodivergence, and building a more effective, positive self-concept around it.

For autistic people, deciding not to go to that party can be a big win.

Pushing through is not always worth it. People might say 'just go, you can always leave' as if you've got nothing to lose. But you might 'just go' and end up needing two days in a dark room to recover. You only spent an hour at the party, but you got totally overstimulated, struggled to know when to leave, and got home exhausted.

Knowing and trusting your own capacity is much more useful than pushing past your limits every time. Staying within your limits without guilt-tripping yourself? The best.

_______________________________________
Hello! I'm a coach who works with neurodivergent people. My approach blends deep coaching with practical strategies, helping you work with your natural strengths rather than against them.

Get in touch if you'd like support in understanding your neurodivergence, and building a more effective, positive self-concept around it.

These are 3 things I've regularly heard from people who were realising they had ADHD but felt scared about exploring it more fully:

'I don't want to just make excuses for my weaknesses'
'I'll become too focused on the things I'm bad at'
'I'll lose my sense of ambition'

Mirroring this, these are things I've heard people say in objection to other people realising they have ADHD:

'It's people getting stuck in a 'victim identity''
'It limits you to have a label'
'It's an avoidance of self-responsibility'

What's going on here? Because it's actually the same message, whether it's coming from an inner voice or another person's opinion.

In my view there's a confusion here between awareness and collapse, along with an underestimation of what we're capable of.

An ADHD diagnosis (including self-diagnosis) can bring a level of self-awareness, congruence and psychological literacy that was not available to the person before the realisation.

What you then do with that information is up to you. The fears I listed above come from an assumption that what you'll do with your newfound awareness is collapse into a smaller or more limited version of yourself. But why would that be true?

It's fundamentally a lack of self-trust rather than an issue with having or not having an ADHD diagnosis. Honestly, I think that the people who are going to make excuses or avoid self-responsibility will do it whether they have an ADHD diagnosis or not.

And, I honestly haven't had one ADHD client before who would fit into that category! Again and again, I see tenacity and unquenchable curiosity that absolutely continues through and beyond a diagnosis.

The thing that reduces with more awareness is the struggle, inner conflict and overwhelm - not the drive or ambition.

_______________________________________
Hello! I'm a coach who works with neurodivergent people. My approach blends deep coaching with practical strategies, helping you work with your natural strengths rather than against them.

Get in touch if you'd like support in understanding your neurodivergence, and building a more effective, positive self-concept around it.

Was that too much talking?
Sorry, that was so chaotic.
I'm all over the place.
Was that too much detail?
Sorry, I'm getting emotional.

Working with autistic and ADHD clients, I get to see how much we question our own communication.

You can be yourself here and you won't get judged for the way you show up. Yes, I might steer our awareness to how much time we have, draw your attention back to the thing you wanted to focus on, observe a certain communication pattern if it could be supportive for you to see it.

But all of that happens without judgement. Without you being wrong for being yourself.

And we actually get so much in coaching from noticing both your communication style and your narratives or fears about it. Because if you're worried you're too chaotic or unclear in your coaching session, there's fertile ground for seeing how that shows up in the rest of your life too.

Your relationship with your own communication is like a direct line to your sense of identity... so it's actually a wonderful thing to bring into the session early on. And so much better to have somewhere to explore out loud the worries that so often just run in the background of our conversations (or loop on repeat once the conversation is over).

_______________________________________
Hello! I'm a coach who works with neurodivergent people. My approach blends deep coaching with practical strategies, helping you work with your natural strengths rather than against them.

Get in touch if you'd like support in understanding your neurodivergence, and building a more effective, positive self-concept around it.

It's an emotional rollercoaster being neurodivergent, and frankly that can be incredibly inconvenient.

Why can't I just get on with my work, rather than feel all the things about all the things?

It's valid, but it's also a trap. Because resisting and fighting against your emotions can take you out of action for longer.

Pushing through on a task when you're actually full of anger or sadness that needs to move... doesn't make for your best work.

Of course it would be easier to be more of a steady kind of human, but accepting and embracing your sensitivity and intensity isn't really optional in the long-run.

They key shift is realising that it's avoiding and bypassing the emotion that can really take things off course, and that letting it be heard and felt (without diving into a pit for the rest of the week) can actually help.

It can help to have a quick emotional reset routine that's time limited. Put on a 10 minute timer and do something like:

- A guided meditation
- Box breathing for a few minutes
- Kitchen dance
- Write out your thoughts and name your emotions
- Have a rant to a willing friend
- Go for a walk
- Do some furious bathroom cleaning

It's not perfect, it won't all be resolved. But you might move a bit of energy, have a cry, get a smidge of new clarity. Feel better enough to refocus and get on with your day.

The habit to build is giving a wee bit of space to regulate rather than pushing through (then dealing with the subsequent crash).

(ps - this is about the 'flossing your teeth' version of emotional hygiene and self-regulation, rather than the 'fixing a cavity or getting braces' version where you'd really need a whole different kind of attention and support).

_______________________________________
Hello! I'm a coach who works with neurodivergent people. My approach blends deep coaching with practical strategies, helping you work with your natural strengths rather than against them.

Get in touch if you'd like support in understanding your neurodivergence, and building a more effective, positive self-concept around it.

Are Mondays your worst day? They are for quite a few of my clients, and it's because it's a transition day for most. It's not necessarily that you dislike your job, it's just hard to change gear from personal to work time.

Without giving it some attention as a transition, the default can be wasted time and an annoyingly inefficient day. Feeling annoyed and unfocused without quite knowing what the problem is.

First step is to acknowledge the transition. What are you completing and what are you starting?

For example, you might have had a sociable time, a relaxing time, or a weekend of heaps of personal and family demands. When it's been good, you might feel like you're dragging yourself away to get back into work. When it's been challenging, you might be bracing yourself for the work week whilst feeling like you didn't really get a moment's rest.

It can be quite a practical thing too. How do you build a ramp back into thinking about work?

Some ideas:

Before the weekend begins, write yourself a note as a reminder of what to start with when you get back on Monday.

Decide what your ideal day would look like before you log into any screen-based things. How do you want the day to begin?

Don't just default to checking email and messages as your first action, because you can end up looping here for hours - feeling busy but not doing anything that matters.

Write down 1-3 key things you'd like to get done. Not 10 things, not 20. Start with a plan.

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Hello! I'm a coach who works with neurodivergent people. My approach blends deep coaching with practical strategies, helping you work with your natural strengths rather than against them.

Get in touch if you'd like support in understanding your neurodivergence, and building a more effective, positive self-concept around it.

Common ND experience: getting stuck in the wilderness between productivity and relaxation. You can't make yourself get on with anything useful, but you can't relax either.

It's frustrating, and you know the real kicker? It's that extra layer of guilt and self-criticism you add on top. Not getting stuff done, not relaxing, AND a lovely internal dialogue about how useless you are. 🫠

This is a cycle we spend a lot of time on in coaching. You might be white-knuckling it through willpower, or hoping the inner bootcamp voice gets loud enough to kickstart something. But neither tends to work. What does work is more of a sequential unwinding: shifting the inner critic first, building the ability to genuinely relax, and then tackling the productivity blocks.

_______________________________________
Hello! I'm a coach who works with neurodivergent people. My approach blends deep coaching with practical strategies, helping you work with your natural strengths rather than against them.

Get in touch if you'd like support in understanding your neurodivergence, and building a more effective, positive self-concept around it.