The Counselling Lab

If you're living with an abuser, and have a secret phone, please read this 👇

If you’re a survivor of with a secret or secondary phone, the government’s could reveal your phone even if it’s on silent.

There will be another test of the emergency alerts on Sunday 7th September. If you're concerned this test and any future alerts could reveal your phone, watch our guide to disable them:

iPhone - https://brnw.ch/21wUCqA
Android - https://brnw.ch/21wUCqB

Self-compassion and a good sense of humor are such useful tools in the process of personal change and growth.

There are some very strong and socially-endorsed reasons why partners breaking up generally try to remain friends.

To the person being – however nicely – rejected, the promise of friendship can feel like an emotionally-reassuring consolation prize. We may no longer be allowed to share their bed, have children with them or end our days in their company, but at least something can be rescued from the ashes: we will continue to be able to call them when we like, share our fears and go to the movies together.

To the person performing – however nicely – the ex*****on, the promise of friendship is equally attractive. We may be itching to eject the partner but we are not – for that matter – devoid of feeling. Furthermore, we are deeply attached to the idea that we’re not monsters. And as we know, nice people always try to be friends with their exes.

The arguments may sound wise but, from close up, they are deeply fraught and in their own way, a catastrophe for both sides.

For the rejected party, the step from lover to friend is an eternally humiliating demotion. Worse, every sighting of the ex is guaranteed to re-ignite hope and then further insult. One isn’t acquiring a friend, more an unwitting torturer.

As for the executing party, the ex is a constant reminder of one’s guilt and ruthlessness.

The idea of trying to be friends constitutes a touching attempt to honour the best sides of a relationship in which two people invested heavily.

What we should replace love with isn’t friendship, but that far more honest state: polite distance.

To learn more, click the link:
https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/can-exes-be-friends/

Recent surveys suggest that as many as 1 in 3 adults aren't currently partnered with anyone—and at least half aren't actively trying to change that. These are some of the key reasons why.

Confidence is a skill, not a gift from the gods. And it is a skill founded on a set of ideas about the world and our natural place within it. These ideas can be systematically studied and gradually learnt, so that the roots of excessive hesitancy and compliance can be overcome. We can school ourselves in the art of confidence.

To learn the art of confidence for yourself, follow our link below:

https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/confidence/

The present you owe yourself:

Definition of a present: something you can’t get for yourself. As a child, that meant toys. In adulthood: reassurance, sympathy, forgiveness.(Dada Adesoji Disu, The Hug, 2017)

Being our best and bravest self...

'If a plant were wilting we wouldn’t diagnose it with “wilting-plant-syndrome” – we would change its conditions.'

I’m a psychologist – and I believe we’ve been told devastating lies about mental health | Sanah Ahsan Society’s understanding of mental health issues locates the problem inside the person - and ignores the politics of their distress, says psychologist Sanah Ahsan

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-professional-development/202208/flourish-humans-are-motivated-four-universal-needs

To Flourish, Humans Are Motivated by Four Universal Needs Are you satisfying these needs at work? Could you?