University of St Andrews Shinty Club

ALUMNI WEEKEND SCHEDULE

Hello all,

I trust we are all eagerly awaiting this weekend's festivities! This is the current schedule for this weekend.

Friday
Aikmans around 7 pm. This is an opportunity to hang out with both the men and women's clubs in the cellar.

Saturday
Alumni match current start time ~12:30 pm
Aikmans Cellar 6-7pm
Procession & ceilidh ~7pm

Sunday
6s Tournament starting at 12:30 pm, everyone is welcome to participate in this tournament, including alumni, but it is an inter-university tournament, so a more serious vibe than our alumni match!

Aikmans Cellar from 8 pm

For those interested the sign up link is here: https://docs.google.com/.../1FAIpQLSdmTPnHycYu8s.../viewform

We are all very excited for this weekend, and looking forward to seeing everyone back in St Andrews!

Della

docs.google.com

ALUMNI CEILIDH

Gents and Old Girls, Agnii and Hamii,

As our annual alumni ceilidh is just over a week away, we wanted to share the ticket details of what promises to be a shint-tastic event:

Current playing members: £15;
Non-members: £18.

Ties will also be available for purchase at the very reasonable price of £20, with all proceeds going straight back into John’s account to fund the future of the club. Cash and card payments for these will be accepted on the day, but feel free to transfer as well:

UNIVERSITY OF ST ANDREWS SHINTY CLUB
80-22-60
19843569

Please put the reference as [Shinty Name] Alumni.

Looking forward to seeing you all there,

Snèaceaidh (KoF)
PBTJ xx

Hi everyone!

I'm Hamish Crofters, the Lt. Aider for the University of St Andrews Shinty Club. We’re thrilled to announce the launch of our first-ever student shinty bursary, set to begin in the 2025–26 academic year!

Our goal is to raise £1,000 to fund this annual bursary, which will support a club member with essential costs like boots, camans, shin guards, membership fees, and more. Once we hit the target, any extra funds will go towards reducing the overall cost of membership fees for everyone in the club.

This bursary will help break down financial barriers and bring more talented players from across Scotland into the sport we love. Moreover, this bursary will be the first of its kind for St Andrews Shinty and it is, therefore, imperative that our goal is reached to ensure that we can ensure greater accessibility for students in the future.

Any donation, no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated.

Have a lovely day!
PBTJ 🙏

www.gofundme.com

CEILIDH SCHEDULE

Get excited, because it's the night before Alumni Ceilidh! Be at The Rule for around 6pm, so you can join us for our procession down to Madras Rugby Club, and feel free to arrive slightly earlier for drinks. The ceilidh itself starts at 6:30pm, so if you can't make the procession, feel free to just come straight to the ceilidh.

Make sure to buy your tickets!! Here are the details:

£15 members & alumni
£18 non-members

UNIVERSITY OF ST ANDREWS SHINTY CLUB

80-22-60
19843569

Ref: [shinty name] ALUMNI

We can't wait to see everyone back and embracing the Life of Danger!

PBTJ

ALUMNI CEILIDH AND SIXES TOURNAMENT

Hello Alumni!

Just posting to remind you all that our beloved alumni ceilidh is fast approaching and set to take place on the 19th of April at Madras Rugby Club followed by an exciting day of (most likely hungover) Shinty at our annual 6s tournament on Sunday.

The Alumni vs Current Students match will take place on the 19th, with the procession starting at ~6pm at The Rule the same evening. Stay tuned for more updates about timings and the rest of the schedule!

The registration fee for each team for the 6s Tournament costs £15 and for those of you have not registered already, please shoot an email to [email protected].

Alumni tickets for the ceilidh also cost £15 and all payments can be sent to the bank details stated below with the relevant reference.

UNIVERSITY OF ST ANDREWS SHINTY CLUB
80-22-60
19843569

Ref:

“[team name] TOURNY” for those registering a team

"[shinty name] ALUMNI” for ceilidh tickets.

We really hope that you can take the time to focus on what really matters in life (shinty) and come back home (Aikmans). See you soon!

PBTJ!

Match Report 13/04/24
ALUMNI MATCH: A Field of Sheep and a Pyramid

12 Saints players. 12 Alumni and Leavers. 23 functioning thumbs.

These were the brave men and women who took to a sunny John Seamens’ arena this fine Saturday morning. Certainly, not everyone was on their top form. An intimate night with Penjamin saw Ohdee stumble on to the pitch with his motor and observational faculties severely diminished, producing one of the best refereeing performances that the club has ever seen (sorry Dje Nee Nee). Newly aye’d Kimæleur saw his back problems flaring up, which he promises had nothing to do with being repeatedly floor slammed by a Hamish at the ceilidh. Indeed, many of us were almost as stinky as the damp bibs worn by the incumbent team, after a particularly sweaty volume of dancing the night before. But no matter. Abundant Hamii, Gents, Agni, and Old Girls had turned up for the match - it was time for some shinty.

[insert extended pause as we try to frantically figure out some semblance of functioning teams…]

The match kicked off at pace. Much as with his gere’s, Janice showed us fresh faced gents how shinty was really played from the very start. A dribble up the left wing was followed by a shot that moved almost as fast as Ohdee in Aiks after Sports Awards night. The shot’s final destination was the top left bins, putting the Alumni up by 1 within the first five minutes. The Saints fought to get back into the game, with Miguel working hard up front, myself struggling to keep up with Brillowe at CM, and H. Marmalad showing us what REAL danger looks like at half back. Some good attacking plays in their quarter had the pressure building, until Aviva stepped in to show us boys how it was really done, with a cool and collected half swing into the back of their net. The first quarter ended 1-1.

The second quarter began much as the first - with Ohdee cracking open another can of Guinness and lighting another cig. A continuing number of kicks ignored by Ohdee began to rile the Alumni, but that did not stop them from continuing their attack. Krossak played magnificently in a novel goalkeeping position, and Chilli was pleased to be back where he belonged at full forward, but that excellent team management was unfortunately not enough to stop Chompeii from getting another goal for the alumni. Cue the whistle, and we ended half time at 2-1 to the alumni.

Such an insult from our former beloved Chieftain was enough to give the Saints a new lease of life as we went into the third quarter. A tactical swap saw our previous formation reversed, with Krossak back at forward. Playing our striker at striker, strangely enough, seemed to work. One goal was followed by another, and then ANOTHER, as everyone’s favourite pint dodger got the first hat-trick that Saints have seen this season. After a dribble or two, a chip from yours truly made it past the still-thumbless Atcwymp in goal. This dribbling streak, however, did not end well for the club: a significant build-up of speed on the ball coupled with a lack of communication between teammates saw a very large collision between the newly elected men’s and women’s club captain, for which apologies were given.

Strong defence from Chevy and Kylura kept the alumni out of our D for the remainder of the match, until the Saints found themselves with a penalty opportunity in the closing moments of the game. Despite the best efforts of Janice and his clicks, Chilli managed to sent a snail of a shot that rolled right past Atcwymp. Some would say that this was a highly preventable goal. Others would agree. Regardless, the game ended with high spirits on both sides.

Match teas at the Rule followed (not quite Aiks’ curly fries, but certainly appreciated regardless), before our traditional Bonfire night commenced. This saw some excellent and never-heard-before stories from Dobby, and a very safe game of fire shinty, despite the self-immolatory attempts of a certain H. Waldo (pictures attached).

A huge thank you to all of the alumni who came out to join us this weekend. It is always a privilege to host such esteemed and venerable Gentlemen and Old Girls, and we hope to see more of you next year! Well played to all, and congratulations on an injury-less weekend.

Result: 5-2 (3?)
MOTM: Janice
COTW: Dom
DOTD: H. Ohdee the Fifth (for giving Martin the Penjamin)

PBTJ,
Fleur xx

Match Report 3/04/24
SAFETY SHINTY: Revenge of the Dizz

“Can expose you to parasites, bacteria, and toxic heavy metals” (Healthline, 2023). “Can pose a health threat, especially near sites of industrial contamination” (Callahan 2003). “Swallowing dirt may cause constipation or a blockage in the intestines. These can cause stomach pain, which may be severe” (Mount Sinai 2020).

Unfortunately, for the brave shinty boys of the Shinty vs Safety Shinty Championship 2024, the phrase ‘he ate dirt’ was not a metaphorical one. Wednesday’s match was perhaps one of the boggiest that Saints Shinty has ever seen, and the amount of flying soil ingested by both teams (by accident - we cannot hit the ball) certainly was enough to cause some of the aforementioned health problems.

But that was not how our day began. Oh no. First, John’s Big Fellas were treated to a wee photoshoot in the majestic cloisters of St Salvator’s chapel, dressed in shirts and ties as encouraged by Hamish ‘The Tory’ Speccy. Big smiles, crossed camas, and random Hamii that we had never seen before were all present as our former, Dizzandra, showed off his photography skills to produce some unexpectedly cute club photos. While the Saints Ambassadorial team was not impressed by our consumption of Tennents at noon in front of tours of prospective parents, our club spirit was never higher as we entered the historic 2024 match against Safety Shinty.

Arriving at the AU, the John Seamens Arena look deceptively green. Our hopes of good shinty conditions, however, rapidly faded with our first squelch onto the pitch. To paraphrase Schwurli of the girls team - ‘it was a puddle.’ No matter. The Shinty and Safety Shinty teams kitted up, and after a brief demonstration to the hockey boys on how to avoid breaking your thumb while defending (you’ll figure it out one day, Ohdee), we were ready to go.

The first half kicked off well for John’s angels, which was fortunate, given that our opponents had never played the sport before. Loan player Tiocfaidh’s efforts in defence for the hockey boys were clearly not enough to stop the onslaught of Gjallf, Sneaceaidh, and Krossak upfront, and after a few minutes of general kerfuffle in their D, we got our first goal. The half continued with Brillowe putting a shift as usual at CM, and Hamish Slip-and-Slide making multiple appearances for the safety shinty boys.

While we did put another goal past them, our opponents were quick learners and towards the end of the half, our defence found themselves under a tad of pressure. Fortunately, our end of the pitch was effectively a swimming pool. A tactical swap saw Lindsay in goal and Chilli making the most of his outfield skills - before rapidly being sent off by the referee for poor conduct. The boys put in a good shift to hold off any goals, even though at times our camans flew further than the ball (apologies for that guys). The first half finished somewhere between 3 and 5 to nil for the boys in blue.

After a rousing team talk from our managerial duo, who just about had a full set of working thumbs between the two of them, we were back for the second half. A goal was rapidly scored, and I rapidly began to get cold in defence, as play was mostly kept in the attacking half. Highlights of this half included some of the only good goals that we have scored this season, with a particular highlight being Phallow O’Nappa’s rocket into the top left hand corner from outside the D. After a few more tap ins, Dje Nee Nee announced the last minute of play.

This seemed to awaken something previously unseen in our former chieftain Dizzandra: quality shinty skills. As the ball rolled towards him at half forward, he raised his caman. We stood with bated breath. He swung: it connected. We ended the match with a top bins goal from the man himself, leading to riotous mud-related celebrations (evidence attached). Aikman’s match teas and a very big evening ensued, leading to the unfortunate demise of Hamish Speccy (RIP).

All in all a great day for shinty. Thank you to the lads from University of St Andrews Hockey Club for coming out and playing, and to the girls for letting us ruin the pitch. Alumni match and Leavers match are all that remains for the season - stay tuned for updates.

Final Score: 8-0
MOTM: Shallow
COTW: H. Speccy
DOTD: H. Speccy

PBTJ,
Fleur xx

Match Report 27/03/24
VARSITY: The One Where Nobody Scored Their Penalty

In Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Harry finds himself in a rather tricky spot, about halfway through a game of Quidditch. His broom has been cursed! We see Harry fly across the pitch, out of control, hanging on for his life, as Severus Snape subtly attempts to counter-curse the malign influence of Professor Quirrell.

This was how the 8 members of Miguel's bando minibus felt en route to Stirling on one rainy Wednesday, no thanks to Miguel's smooth clutch control. Indeed, much about this match felt cursed from the beginning. Confusion about the gender and location of the match abounded in the days running up to the big Varsity, and Ohdee succeeded in joining the club of erroneous users of Shinty equipment during a 'dour match (f**k Oban).

All successful logistical clarification was subsequently ruined at 8:48am, when John Seamens arena was deemed to be too sloppy for our balls and big wooden sticks. No matter - our new (and FUNCTIONAL) vice captain was on hand to help re-arrange the match to the Stirling pitches. Thus, a squad of 16 of USTA Shinty's finest arrived at the Stirling pitches to late afternoon sun and the prospect of a win.

Throw up saw intense competition from the beginning, with Bonnie putting in a shift at midfield wing, and Brillowe (🐐) running harder than our minibus' engine when Miguel floored it round a roundabout. After a quick counter-attack, Stirling got past our defence and flicked in a cheeky first goal behind Chilli, putting the Saints 1-0 down. This was no damage to our morale, with some beautiful passing plays clearing the ball back up the left wing rapidly, and, dare I say it, even some 'textbook' blocks happening in defence.

After a Pep Guardiola-esque team talk from Gaffer Ohdee at half time, we were back at it for a second half that really made the phrase 'Life of Danger' a reality. First-timer Wegetable held his own against Stirling's machine of a fullback - turns out you don't need shinpads to put in some collisions. Kreffio stepped into his new Chieftan's boots with gusto at left back. While his 'unfortunate' swiping of the Stirling wing's legs could be overlooked, his huge body to the back of said winger was not.

Our attack in the second half, however, saw Aviva adding a steady hand and numerous crosses on the left wing, and Krossak on the right mid fought to make John proud. This came alongside the highlight of the match: after a few minutes with the ball in Stirling's third, Miz Finx stepped in to sort the bous out, neatly tucking the ball past the keeper to equalise.

After another 20 minutes of intense competition, the whistle blew at 1-1. Does that mean the game ended as a draw? No, no, no, foolish Hamish. This was no noob league game. This was varsity. You know what that means - time for penalties.

Unfortunately, it seems that neither the Saints or Stirling had prepared for this eventuality. A best of 5 competition saw some incredible saves from Chilli, some very skied balls from both sides, and ultimately, no successful penalties from any of the 10 shots taken.

This left us at sudden death. Shots from Brillowe, Speccy, Miguel, and their Stirling counterparts went once more without success, until finally, a Stirling boy got it past Chilli's previously impenetrable keeping. The Saints left Stirling knowing that they had given everything for John. I for one am very excited for my captaincy ahead.

Thank you to Stirling for having us at such short notice and for an excellent match, and for the girls for joining us (and scoring all of the goals).

MOTM: Krossak
COTW: Chilli
DOTD: Wegetable (not for his excellent play, but for violating the club's insurance policy)

PBTJ xx
Fleuratious Humbells
28/03/24

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A duck walked up to a lemonade stand, and he said to the man running the stand: “hey, got any grapes?”

Unfortunately, the man did not have any lemonade, that day or the next. Nor even, did he exist. Nor, even more dramatically, does he have any relevance to the primary content of this post. Sucks to suck.

LittleJohn results were:

Aberdeen 0:0
Highlands and Islands 0:1
Edinburgh 0:3
Strathclyde 0:3
Dundee 1:0
Glasgow 0:2

Final position: 6th

As to be expected from previous results, Aberdeen was a tight one. Opportunities were had for both sides, but through a mixture of good defence and luck, the sheets stayed clean on both sides.

The University of the Highlands and Islands decided to switch between playing south and north formations during the game, thus teaching many on the St Andrews side that shinty formations are not fixed as in rugby. Phenomenal defence from the boys to keep the eventual tournament winners to one goal.

Well done to all those trying new positions during the Edinburgh and Strath games. Some excellent shifts in there.

Always good to have a win, particularly over Dundee. Well done to those studying south of the Tay, but representing Dundee, for not playing too well.

Finally, a frustrating game. Credit to Glasgow for finding the back of the net, it’s just a shame they don’t want a full length game!

Overall, St Andrews Men’s Shinty putting the ball in the back of the net is physically possible. It would just appear that we prefer not to. On a more positive note, no-one went to A&E!

MotT: Kareffio, excellent blocking and commitment.
CotW: H. Tseel pupp, same reasons as above.
DotD: Tiocfaidh The Tiongj, use spond.

Brillowe (LGE)
PBTJ xoxo

Dundee 6/3/2024 2-0

“Hamish, can you see the sea?” Bewildered, the Hamish casts around the cellar. He may not see the sea, but in his inebriated state he can see something else. He can see light. A wonder has come to pass. St Andrews (Men’s) Shinty has won a game.

Admittedly, this game was mixed so there’s an argument for it not being a men’s win. But this is nay-sayer nonsense. It’s a win for all. Besides, both goals came from the Men’s Club. Also, the game was organised by yours truly. Did I mention that?

As has become customary, Dundee borrowed a few players who once again played very well.

A special mention must go to Chambers Place, clearly a breeding ground of excellence. H. The Gouse and Gjalff, your goals were brilliant. Whatever bacteria, virus or thing you’ve bred there and have been consuming consciously or unconsciously, should be banned from the Olympics. It enhances performance more than my favourite steroids.

Equally notable was Chiliwinkkl’s penalty save. Perhaps intelligently, Chili decided his best hopes of keeping his sheet clean lay in mental intimidation rather than physical excellence. Accordingly, he harnessed his long-honed telepathic power, and forced a scuffed penalty.

Well done to everyone else. You probably deserve a mention, but alas, I’ve neither the time nor desire. Content yourselves with this paragraph.

MOTM: H. The Gouse
Manager’s Man of the Match: H.Dje Nee Nee
COTW: H. Speccy

PBTJ
Brillowe (LGE) xoxo

Shinty Match Report
A very late match report from a very silly Hamish, who although cannot chop sub 10 was deemed adequate to captain John’s men on the 10th of Feb. The game started like most other shinty games, cold, wet, and rather depressing… perfect shinty weather. Facing down Strathclyde is no mean feat but John’s men where more than eager, too eager perhaps as after 10 minutes some advice from the ref to “calm down, don’t shout back, and don’t use your stick as a weapon” could faintly be heard. John’s men soldiered on. Some amazing defensive work could be seen from our back line. however, it was not enough to stop Strathclyde putting 4 past us. On to the second half, St Andrews men’s team kept their heads high and played some honestly fantastic shinty, besides one flying shoulder to the face from H. The Stone (A very keen Hamish) and believe it or not we scored a goal. Wow. The half ended 6 – 1 but that goal made the pints taste even sweeter on the bus home with out favourite bus driver Malcom who described H. Speccy’s tunes as “Sh*te”.
MOTM: Awversio
COTW: H. Pseel Pupp
DOTD: Krossac (Should wear your club tie next time)

Pbtj
H. Speccy