Kirstie Frances Coaching

When life doesn't go as planned... sharing some reflections on this weighty topic over on my Substack

When life doesn't pan out how you thought it would... ...and why that's OK.

Sharing some thoughts on the power of the elite athlete's mindset, over on my Substack 🚵‍♂️

Chase it down, unconditionally The power of an elite athlete's mindset

Peak experiences…✨

I spend a lot of time in my coaching practice talking to clients about their values and what really has meaning for them. But identifying what our values are isn’t always easy - we are conditioned to think we need and want certain things (largely material), and the culture of comparison often clouds our judgement.

One way of exploring what your values might be is to think about an experience that made you feel alive, grounded, aligned, in awe, joyful, euphoric… (or however else you define ‘peak’). What was it about the experience that made you feel higher and more ‘complete’ than you normally do? Try and capture a few key words and you’ll get closer to unearthing what your values might be.

I know for me that curiosity and learning are key values and I use these to guide how I spend my time. So here’s a photo of my daughter and I, exploring Paris together, where she helped me see the city I love with fresh eyes.

Rejection ❌

We’ve all been there and it hurts. A lot.

Things I’ve been rejected for:

❌ a promotion I thought I really wanted. Turned out I wanted to continue my academic journey and the rejection set me on the right path.

❌ funding for my PhD. I got it in the end.

❌ a scholarship for my legal training. I took on the feedback, got more experience and received an even better level of sponsorship for my training.

What has rejection taught you?

You are 42% more likely to achieve your career goals just by writing them down. A study by Dr Gail Matthews, a professor of psychology at the Dominican University of California has shown that committing your goals to paper increases your chances of achieving them.

The same study also showed that people who use accountability - setting deadlines, sharing their goals with a partner - are 25% more likely to reach their desired outcome.

In the past I was definitely a victim of ‘analysis paralysis’. I thought too deeply and for too long about my goals before taking any kind of action. Then I learnt that this is simply a way of keeping failure at bay. You can’t be rejected or ridiculed if you don’t put it out there in the first place. But this safety zone is where inertia sets in; months of analysis, inactivity and fear just widens the gap between the now and where you’d like to be.

Challenging yourself doesn’t have to mean quitting your job tomorrow or signing up for an expensive degree. It doesn’t have to mean telling everyone you’re about to change every aspect of your professional life. It can simply mean picking up a pen and exploring what you’d like to achieve - the what, the how, the when and most importantly, the WHY. It’s all about the first step 🖊️

Some people think being confident is being loud, aggressive, argumentative… but confidence can be quiet, subtle, non-confrontational.
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Confidence is also something that people often say they’d like to ‘find’. But it isn’t sitting somewhere hidden, waiting to be unearthed. It has to be cultivated and practiced and this isn’t an overnight process. It involves taking small steps daily.
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I work with clients who want to develop their confidence in the workplace and also in their lives more generally, and I try and reassure them that a lack of confidence is *not* an inherent flaw or something that has to define them. We are all struggling in some way with confidence (myself included!) and once we accept it’s normal to find it lacking in certain aspects of our lives the less daunting it feels to try and tackle it.
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It’s all about starting small but being consistent. Try and speak up in a meeting where you’d usually stay silent - but try this in a smaller meeting first. Try and connect with the stories you tell yourself about why you lack confidence - are these your own or what others have passed on to you? Observe what confidence looks like to you - is it unique to the person? Is it a way of speaking or behaving?
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I would love to hear your thoughts on what confidence means to you ⭐️

Always hugely rewarding to see my clients achieve their goals 🌟

Thank you to the wonderful Eleanor for such lovely feedback 🤍

It’s a valid question, and one I’ve been asked many times. But this week I was asked in a slightly different way. There was a suggestion that coaching is a waste of time and for people with more money than sense.
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Coaching is a unique process and experience - there are countless descriptions of the benefits which can span nearly every aspect of life, so I won’t list them all here. But what I do think is important is to highlight some of the fundamental skills that underpin coaching.
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Space and time.
People who come to coaching may lack either space or time (or both) to work on their goals and ambitions. The coaching space is free from distractions, interruptions and is entirely confidential. This may not sound significant but it’s actually quite rare to be in a space that is for and about you and that is free of critical or negative judgement.
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Listening.
Most of us are surrounded by people who describe themselves as ‘good listeners’, but more often than not they are listening while waiting for their chance to speak about themselves. offer something from their own experience. This is a conversation. Coaching is different. A trained coach has developed skills to listen ‘actively’ and will not use pauses as invitations to talk about themselves. Being an active listener has to be learnt, and the benefits of being truly heard cannot be underestimated.
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Coaching models and theories.
Many coaches specialise in certain approaches ranging from positive psychology, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), cognitive behavioural therapy and many more. The point is, a good coach knows what models may be the most productive for the individual.
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Understanding beginnings and endings.
This doesn’t always get a mention in coaching-related posts, but again I think it is fundamental. A trained coach understands how hard it is to take the leap and make changes towards a goal or new way of life. Similarly, they know when the coaching relationship has come to its natural end.
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Coaching can be the 🔑 that unlocks another way of life and that means something.

I recently came across an old post by the wonderful ‘Busy is not the point’.
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I absolutely love his words and the sentiment:

“There’s a common safe place: Being busy.

We’re supposed to give you a pass because you were full on, all day. Frantically moving from one thing to the other, never pausing to catch your breath, and now you’re exhausted.

No points for busy.

Points for successful prioritization. Points for efficiency and productivity. Points for doing work that matters.

No points for busy.”

What is your version of busy and does it serve you?

Thank you, Seth, for this important reminder.

Is it hard? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely.
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Here are some of the main challenges involved in changing your career and I speak from experience as I have done them all.
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Although giving up my own space and taking a pay cut was tough (especially when you’re a single parent) it was fundamentally the only way I could juggle studying and qualifying as a lawyer. (And I will forever be grateful that this support was available.) That said, moving back in with family when you’re in your mid thirties and ‘should’ be in a certain stage of your life can feel like a backwards or sideways step, and you have to work hard to maintain the focus on why you’re doing it. In fact most of the career change process comes down to mindset.
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Sacrificing holidays, time with friends, indulgences and those experiences that give life its colour and texture can feel incredibly hard too. And the limbo feels like it’ll never end. Until it does. And you look back and feel proud you saw it through.
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I will never forget the times of uncertainty, lack of confidence, imposter syndrome, exhaustion… and the near constant feeling that I was not being the mother I should be. Now, years after this experience, I realise I was modelling some important lessons for my daughter. I showed her that change is hard but can lead to growth and a better life; that in times of uncertainty you just have to keep going; that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; and that it’s better to work with your fears rather than let them prevent you from trying at all.

I wouldn’t change my experience, however hard it felt in the moment, and I’m pretty certain you wouldn’t either.