Betsabe kia, MAcS MSP

Pov: Narcissist Behaves Differently Toward Their Spouse Around Others

It's one of the most confusing experiences one can go through...
Watching someone treat you one way in private, and a completely different way when others are watching.

It makes you question your reality, your reactions, even your worth.

Here are 5 ways a narcissist often behaves toward their spouse around others:

1. They perform the "perfect partner."
Example, they suddenly become attentive, affectionate, and charming, praising you in front of others in a way that feels unfamiliar.
Healing insight: This isn't consistency, it's image control.

1. They care how they're seen, not how you feel. They subtly undermine you.
Example, making small "jokes" at your expense, correcting you, or telling stories that make you look forgetful or difficult.
Healing insight: It's designed to lower your confidence
while appearing harmless to everyone else.

3. They dismiss your voice.
Example, talking over you, ignoring your opinions, or changing the subject when you speak.
Healing insight: Public settings become another space where control is maintained, just more quietly.

4. They seek admiration over connection.
Example, dominating conversations, needing attention, and making everything about them while you feel invisible beside them.
Healing insight: Their priority is validation from others, not presence with you.

5. They confuse you with inconsistency.
Example, being warm and kind in front of others, then cold or critical the moment you're alone again.
Healing insight: This push and pull keeps you questioning what's real and holding onto the "good" version.

The hardest part isn't just how they treat you...
It's how no one else sees it.

You start to feel alone in something that's happening right in front of everyone.

My Thought
If their kindness only exists when there's an audience, it isn't love, it's performance. Real love feels safe, consistent, and doesn't disappear when the room empties.

If you found this relatable , comment "I Agree” and let me know what circumstances made you feel so.

👉🏻10 Facial Cues That Reveal Narcissistic
Personality

1. The "Laser Stare" - Eyes that feel like they're piercing through you, used to intimidate or make you feel small.

2. Delayed Blink - Holding eye contact a beat too long to establish dominance or unsettle you.

3. Micro-smirk - A fleeting corner-lip raise when you're upset, signaling hidden satisfaction at your discomfort.

4. Nostril Flare - Quick, sharp flaring when challenged or when they're about to unleash rage.

5. Tightened Jawline - Clenched jaw, especially when you're asserting boundaries, a sign of suppressed anger or contempt.

6. Raised Eyebrows of Superiority - A slow, exaggerated lift of one or both brows to silently say, "'m above you."

7. Eye Roll with a Scoff - Dismissing your feelings or opinions without words, designed to belittle you.

8. Stone Face Freeze - The sudden emotional shutdown look, used as a punishment during silent treatment.

9. The "Sweet Mask" Switch - An instant shift from scowl to charm when outsiders enter the room.

10. Predatory Smile - A wide, tight-lipped smile after saying something cutting, watching how much it hurts.

Sometimes you don't need to hear a word to know what they're thinking. Their face gives the game away every time.

Do you have any other expressions that should be on this list?

Share them in the comments below

👉🏻5 Signs Your Partner Was Raised by a Narcissistic Mother
(With proper therapy and support, they can heal and become a healthier, happier person.)

Growing up with a narcissistic mother leaves invisible scars.
You may not even realise how much it shaped your partner.

1. Love Felt Conditional
Eg: They have only received warmth when they achieved, looked perfect, or made her proud. The moment they fell short, affection vanished.

2. Your Feelings Were Dismissed
Eg: They were told that they were too sensitive, dramatic, or imagining things whenever you cried or expressed pain.

3. You Grew Up Parenting themselfs
Eg: They felt responsible for their moods, their happiness, and sometimes even their survival.

4. Your Sense of Self Was Shaped by Her Approval
Eg: They didn't know who they were outside of how they defined, whether that was the "golden child" or the "problem."

5. They Fear Abandonment in Relationships
Eg: The unpredictability of their love made them believe people will leave if they don't perform or please them.

✨My personal thought : If any of this resonates, it does not mean they are broken. It means they survived in an environment that forced them to adapt, and now they get to reclaim their life on their terms.

If any of these signs sound familiar in your relationship, comment "READY” and I'll spend 15 minutes with you sharing practical ways to deal with them.

If they wanted you to feel like you could never leave... they wouldn't lock the door.
They would slowly make you believe there's nowhere else to go.

This is how it happens, quietly.

1. They make you question your reality.
They rewrites things, denies what happened, or calls you "too sensitive."
Example: You raise a concern and end up apologising.
Healing insight: Confusion is not love.

2. They chips away at your confidence.
Subtle digs, comparisons, or silence when you need support.
Example: You stop speaking up because it never feels safe.
Healing insight: The right person expands you.

3. They isolates you without you realising.
It starts as closeness, then becomes distance from everyone else.
Example: You feel guilty making plans without themselves.
Healing insight: Love should not cost you your world.

4. They creates emotional highs and lows.
Just enough love to keep you, just enough pain to control you.
Example: He hurts you, then becomes everything you wanted.
Healing insight: Inconsistency is control.

5. They makes leaving feel impossible.
Through fear, guilt, or making you feel like the problem.
Example: "Maybe it's me... maybe it's not that bad."
Healing insight: That doubt is conditioning.

6. They trains your nervous system to stay.
You feel anxious, attached, constantly on edge.
Example: Relief when it's "good" again, even if nothing changed.
Healing insight: Peace should be your baseline.

My final thought...
You are not weak for staying.
You were conditioned to.
And once you see it clearly... it starts to lose its power.

Comment ‘Trapped’ if your partner has ever made you feel that way, and let me know how it that made you feel.

How to Test if your Husband Could be a
Narcissist

Wondering if your husband might be a narcissist?

It's a painful question, but understanding his behavior is the first step to protecting your peace.

Here are 5 simple yet powerful tests to help you spot narcissistic traits:

1. The Empathy Test

Share something vulnerable, your worries, dreams, or pain, and observe his response.

•Red Flag: He dismisses, belittles, or shifts the focus back to himself.
What to Do: Note if this is a pattern. True partners show care and understanding, not indifference.

2. The Boundary Test

Say "no" to a small request, like helping with something you can't do.

•Red Flag: He reacts with anger, guilt-tripping, or attempts to manipulate you into saying yes.
What to Do: Stay firm. Narcissists hate boundaries because they thrive on control.

3. The Accountability Test
Bring up an issue calmly, something small, like forgetting a chore, and see how he reacts.

•Red Flag: He deflects, blames you, or denies it entirely. Narcissists avoid accountability at all costs.
What to Do: Pay attention to whether he ever owns up to mistakes.

4. The Validation Test

Celebrate an achievement and watch how he responds.

Red Flag: Instead of celebrating with you, he downplays your success, makes it about himself, or dismisses it.
What to Do: Healthy partners are happy for your win, narcissists feel threatened by them.

The Conflict Test

Express a disagreement or a different opinion during a conversation.

• Red Flag: He becomes defensive, dismissive, or aggressive, refusing to see your perspective.
What to Do: Healthy conflict involves listening and compromise, not dominance or belittling.

Final Thought:

Testing for narcissistic traits isn't about labeling, it's about recognizing patterns that may be hurting you. If these signs resonate, it's time to prioritize your well-being and consider seeking support.

Comment "AWARE" if you've experienced any of these, or share a sign I missed. Let's open the conversation and support each other.

...

They can charm an entire room, yet leave you feeling invisible at home.

That's the double life of a narcissist.

Here are 5 ways they act in public vs at home, and if you've lived it, you'll know every word is true.

1. In public, they're attentive, kind, and full of compliments.

At home, they barely notice your existence, unless it's to criticise you.

2. In public, they laugh, tell stories, and seem like the life of the party.

At home, they withdraw, sulk, or punish you with silence.

3. In public, they treat you like a partner to be proud of.

At home, you're their scapegoat, the one they unload their frustration on.

4. In public, they're respectful, polite, and considerate.

At home, they cross every boundary, belittle you, and make you doubt yourselt.

5. In public, they wear the mask of the perfect parent, friend, or partner.

At home, they show you the cruelty they hide from everyone else.

Read the first pinned comment to know “How to protect yourself”

Comment 'I agree' if you've been there around any person and how did the person make you feel?

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How to protect yourself: Remind yourself that the version you see at home is the real one. The mask in public is only an act. You're not crazy for noticing the difference.

My final thought: Living with this split reality is exhausting and lonely, but you are not alone. So many survivors know this pain, and healing starts with seeing it clearly.

👉🏻5 Most Insulting Things a Narcissist
Says to Devalue You

If you have ever walked away from a conversation feeling small, ashamed, or questioning your intelligence, that reaction was not accidental.

Devaluation is one of the most damaging tools a narcissist uses to gain control.

1. What is wrong with you?

Example: Said when you express a need, emotion, or boundary, making you feel defective for being human.
Healing: There is nothing wrong with you. The problem is
someone who cannot tolerate your feelings.

2. How stupid do you have to be?

Example: Used after a mistake or disagreement to attack your intelligence rather than address the issue.
Healing: Intelligence is not proven by perfection. This is about superiority, not truth.

3. No one else would put up with you.

Example: Said to isolate you and make you fear leaving or speaking up.
Healing: This is fear based control. Healthy people do not need to threaten abandonment to be chosen.

4. You are too sensitive.

Example: Used when you call out hurtful behaviour, shifting the focus from their actions to your reaction.
Healing: Sensitivity is not the problem. Lack of empathy is.

5. You are lucky I stay with you.

Example: Said to position themselves as the prize while eroding your self worth.
Healing: Love is mutual. Anyone who has to lower you to stay above you is not loving you.

My final thought:

These words are not slips. They are strategies. Devaluation only works when you start believing it. The moment you see it clearly, it begins to lose its power.

If this resonated, you are not alone here. You are welcome to share your story in the comment. ❤️

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POV: A narcissists can abandon their own children
(And the reason will shock you)

Here are 5 reasons narcissists abandon their own children...

1. They see love as conditional, not sacred
Example, they show up when it suits them, disappear when it does not, then expect to return without accountability Healing insight, a child learns love must be earned
instead of felt safely

2. They cannot tolerate not being the centre of attention
Example, when the child needs time, care, or emotional energy, they withdraw or become irritated.
Healing insight, the child grows up feeling like their needs are too much

3. They rewrite the story to protect themselves
Example, they tell others the child was difficult or the other parent caused the distance
Healing insight, this creates confusion where the child questions their own reality

4. They avoid anything that reflects responsibility
Example, instead of repairing or apologising, they disappear and start fresh elsewhere
Healing insight, abandonment is easier than
accountability

5 They lack the depth for real connection
Example, the relationship feels inconsistent, shallow, or only present when it benefits them
Healing insight, this was never about your worth, it was about their capacity

My final thought...
If you were abandoned, the pain is not just that they left It is that they made you feel like you were not worth staying for

And if you are the parent holding everything together after they walked away
That strength will shape your child more than their absence ever will

Some people do not leave because you were not enough They leave because they are not capable of what real love requires

If you found this helpful, comment "Stronger" , Share and follow to support others!

👉🏻You wait for "I'm sorry."
You'd settle for "I was wrong."

But instead, you get something far more dangerous.

A narcissist doesn't apologize.
They reframe.

Here's what they do instead:

They make it about them.
"I'm not perfect, but at least I'm trying." "You know how hard this is for me too."

Suddenly, you're comforting them for hurting you.

They minimize the damage.
"It wasn't that bad." "You're being dramatic." "Other people have it worse."

Your pain becomes an overreaction.

They shift the blame.
"If you hadn't pushed me..." "You made me act that way."
"We both made mistakes."

Now you're 50% responsible for their abuse.

Why they do this:

- So they stay superior.

Apologizing means admitting fault-and narcissists can't be wrong.

- So you doubt yourself.
If it's "not that bad," maybe you are too sensitive.

- So they keep the power.
Real apologies give control back to the victim.

But here's what destroys you:

You start believing them.
You stop trusting your memory.
Your feelings.
Your reality.

They didn't just refuse to apologize-They convinced you that you don't deserve one.

And while you're questioning everything you know to be true, they walk away unchanged-leaving you to rebuild your sense of reality from scratch.

Comment 'empathy' if you've been there and how did the situation make you feel?

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