Betsabe kia, MAcS MSP

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Betsabe | Certified Relationship Coach
Helping you heal relationship patterns
Build self-trust & safe connection |
Book A 15 min discovery session : https://tinyurl.com/yd25c9t7

07/10/2026

The hardest part isn't what he does to you.

It's how slowly he convinces you that it's normal.
You stop questioning it.

You start questioning yourself.

1.You apologise for things that aren't your fault.
Keeping the peace becomes more important than being understood.

2.You ask for permission to do things you never needed permission for before.
Whether it's spending money, seeing friends, or making plans, you slowly stop feeling free.

3.You check their mood before you speak.
You become so focused on avoiding conflict that your entire day revolves around how they're feeling.

4.You stop talking about your own needs.
Not because they disappeared, but because you've learned they'll be dismissed, criticised, or turned back on you.

5.You doubt your own memory.
After being told you're overreacting or remembering things wrong enough times, you stop trusting yourself.

6.You feel guilty for enjoying your own life.
Time with friends, buying something for yourself, or simply relaxing starts to feel selfish.

7.You mistake survival for love.
Walking on eggshells, overexplaining yourself, and constantly trying to earn kindness becomes your version of normal.

My final thought

The most dangerous part of emotional abuse is what you slowly begin to believe about yourself.

When you live in the same pattern long enough, your subconscious starts accepting it as normal.

You stop trusting yourself.
You shrink.
You lose touch with your own worth.

Healing begins when you realise these are learned survival patterns , not who you are.

And what has been learned can be changed.

You can come back to yourself.

Comment "HEAL" and I'II send you the blueprint EFT tapping guide. It's a gentle yet effective mind-body tool that helps you release emotional distress, calm your nervous system, and create new, empowering beliefs.

05/10/2026

6 WAYS TO MAKE A NARCISSIST TURN AGAINST THEMSELVES

3.Keep Receipts - Facts and documentation make it harder for them to rewrite history.

4.Stop Chasing Closure - When you stop seeking their validation, they lose one of their biggest sources of power.

5.Let Them Be Seen - Consistent behavior eventually reveals itself. You don't have to expose them; their actions often do.

6.Heal and Move On - Nothing frustrates someone who wants control more than seeing you happy, peaceful, and no longer affected.

Comment which of the above you have done or thinking of doing it?

...

02/10/2026

Hi, it's Betsabe!

For most people, when you're in a fight, you regulate yourself by taking deep breaths, going for a walk, talking it out, or just giving yourself time and space to calm down.

But narcissistic people often don't regulate that way. The fight itself is how they regulate.

The yelling, the name-calling, the dominating, the making you absorb everything they were feeling, that's their version of deep breathing. It's how they get back to neutral.

So by the time the fight is over, they're calm.

They've fully released what they were feeling. And they can move on like nothing happened, or even fall asleep, like in this video.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and I have experienced it myself, so I am here if you need me.

To your healing,
Betsabe

30/09/2026

Narcissistic abuse is not about gender. Women can be narcissistic too, and men can suffer deeply in their relationships. I speak to both men and women, and I actually want more men to feel safe enough to speak about what they're experiencing.

If these behaviors sound all too familiar, it might be time to take a closer look at the patterns in your relationship.

Here's how to recognize the subtle signs of a covert narcissist:

1. Hypersensitivity to Criticism: Even constructive feedback feels like a personal attack to her. For example, you suggest splitting chores more evenly, and she accuses you of not appreciating everything she does instead of addressing the issue.

2. Victim Mentality: She avoids accountability by constantly framing herself as the victim. If you call her out on hurtful behavior, she flips the narrative to make you feel guilty or responsible for her actions.

3. Lack of Empathy: Emotional support feels one-sided. If you're upset about something, she may dismiss your feelings or turn the conversation back to herself. You had a rough day at work? She responds with, "At least you don't have my problems."

4. Subtle Manipulation: Watch for passive-aggressive comments or guilt-tripping. For instance, she might say, " guess you don't love me enough to prioritize me," when you make plans with friends.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman who played the victim? Share your experiences in the comments!

Follow for more insights into dating and relationships.

28/09/2026

1.Going to couples counseling with a partner who is manipulating, selfish, entitled and devious is only for the select few. Here's why:

2.He will blame you for all the problems and you will feel more helpless.

3.You will worry that the therapist is seeing him as a "good guy" - which is why you need a specialist, or a divorce.

3.You will again feel, maybe l am the problem when you are not.

4.The narcissist will likely stop going because the therapist
is "stupid".

5.Whatever you say in therapy will be used against you.

Follow for more!

And If you need someone to talk to about this, send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

I help people heal from narcissistic abuse because I've experienced it myself in my last relationship.

I've been there, and I'm here to help you.

25/09/2026

1.⁠ ⁠"I don't want a partner.
I want someone who keeps choosing me even while I hurt you."

2."The more you question my behavior, The more I'II make you question your own memory, feelings, instincts, your reality... and yourself."

3."I need you confused.
Because confused people stay longer
Trying to fix things!"

4."If you start pulling away, I'll suddenly promise change, therapy, love, effort... whatever I know will keep you emotionally attached."

5."I'Il punish you for reacting to the pain I caused, then act like your reaction is the real problem."

6."Every time you forgive me too quickly, I learn that I can hurt you again Without losing you."

7."When you start shining too brightly, I'll criticize you, humble you, or hurt you So I can stay above you."

8."I don't want you confident enough to leave.
I want you insecure enough to keep chasing my approval."

9.⁠ ⁠"'II make you feel guilty for asking for the bare minimum.
If you need more from me, I'll call you 'needy!'
If you cry because I hurt you, l'Il call you 'dramatic!
And if you finally get angry, I'll call you 'emotionally unstable!"

10.⁠ ⁠"You won't leave.
You never do.
And I'll make sure you don't."

I need you to understand something:
Narcissists survive by making you believe the relationship problems are caused by you.

But the moment you start understanding how manipulation actually works,
You start realizing something powerful:
This was never about you being "too hard to love." It was about someone benefiting from your self-doubt.

Comment "EXIT" if you're ready to stop tolerating emotionally abusive behavior and start choosing yourself again.

Follow to learn more about narcissistic abusive relationships and how to reclaim your strength.

23/09/2026

Hi, it’s Betsabe!

So, you’ll be doing something like:

•⁠ ⁠Watching TV.
•⁠ ⁠Scrolling on your phone.
•⁠ ⁠Listening to music.
•⁠ ⁠Taking a nap.
•⁠ ⁠Dancing around.

When all of a sudden, the narcissist in your life comes home or simply walks into the room.

And you immediately jump up and try to look busy.

Why?

Why are you pretending to be doing something?

Why can’t you just continue what you were doing?

Because relaxing doesn’t feel safe around a narcissist.

It’s often met with:

•⁠ ⁠Criticism.
•⁠ ⁠Being called lazy.
•⁠ ⁠Guilt trips.
•⁠ ⁠Hostility.
•⁠ ⁠Suddenly being given something to do.

And after experiencing this repeatedly, your nervous system starts anticipating the reaction before it even happens.

You hear them come in, and your body automatically becomes alert. You stop relaxing and prepare yourself—even when nothing has happened yet.

That’s hypervigilance. Your body has learned that their presence can mean stress, criticism, or conflict.

Because narcissists can start treating you more like a tool than a person.

Think about your phone.

You don’t think about whether your phone needs rest. You expect it to be available whenever you need it.

That’s how it can feel in a narcissistic relationship.

You’re expected to always be available—to help, respond, care, or do what they need.

And when you’re not, they may become upset, annoyed, or angry.

Over time, your body learns that resting, relaxing, or simply doing something for yourself isn’t safe.

That’s why you can find yourself jumping up and looking busy the moment they walk into the room.

If you need someone to talk to about this, send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

I help people heal from narcissistic abuse because I’ve experienced it myself in my last relationship.

I’ve been there, and I’m here to help you.

21/09/2026

I noticed that:

1.Most women aren’t only trapped by fear.
They’re trapped by hope.

The hope that maybe this apology is real.
Maybe this good week means he’s finally changing.
Maybe if they love harder, explain better, stay calmer, or give one more chance, the person they fell in love with will come back and stay.

And that hope can become the very thing that keeps them tied to the cycle.

2. Almost all of them think they're the problem at some point.
That's what emotional abuse does best: it moves the spotlight off the behavior and onto the victim.

3. The strongest women often stay the longest.
Because their strength keeps finding reasons to stay when their pain is asking them to leave.

4. They're rarely asking for too much.
They're often asking for the bare minimum: honesty, respect, consistency, and accountability.

5.They're not confused about what happened.
They're confused because what happened and what was said afterward don't match.

6. Many women don't realize they're being controlled.
Because nobody is raising their voice.

7.One more conversation. One more explanation. One more chance to be understood. That becomes the thing that keeps them waiting.

8.The women who blame themselves the most are often the ones carrying the entire relationship.

9.By the time they realize it's abuse, they've often spent years blaming themselves for it.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship too.
And one thing I noticed was true for almost all of us - including me:
The relationship taught me that love meant understanding him.

Healing taught me that love ALSO means understanding myself.

My needs. My feelings. My boundaries. My reality.

Which one of these took you the longest to realize?

Comment CLARITY and I'll send you the blueprint EFT tapping guide. It’s a gentle yet effective mind-body tool that helps you release emotional distress, calm your nervous system, and create new, empowering beliefs.

This is how narcissists create a trauma bond.
18/09/2026

This is how narcissists create a trauma bond.

16/09/2026

6 weird things most narcissists do to mess with your sleep.
(3 is the worst one of all).

And before you scroll, you already know which one is yours. You've just never called it what it is.

1.The bedtime fight
Never at 2pm on a Saturday. Always when your teeth are brushed and one foot's in bed. That's not coincidence. A fight you can't walk away from and can't finish runs in your head until sunrise.

2.The bomb, then silence
They say the thing. "We'll talk tomorrow." Then they roll over.
And you hold it for eight hours alone. That's not avoiding conflict. That's a timed release, and you set it off all night.

3. They fall asleep in 90 seconds
This is the one that breaks people. You're flat on your back, heart pounding, hunting for what you did wrong. Three inches away they're breathing slow and peaceful. It cost them NOTHING. You were coming apart and they were unconscious. Stop calling them a heavy sleeper. Peaceful sleep after destroying someone isn't a habit. It's an answer.

4.The 3am wake-up over nothing
A question that could've waited. The light on. Noise in the kitchen. Broken sleep wrecks you worse than short sleep, and it always happened the night you'd finally relaxed.

5.They owned the room
The temperature. The TV. The light. Which side you got. All small, all reasonable-sounding, and somehow you had zero say in the one room you're supposed to be safe in.

6.You slept like the dead when they were gone
Then felt guilty about it. You've never let yourself finish that thought. You already know what it means.

Here's what nobody told you. Sleep deprivation is a recognized coercive control tactic. It's an interrogation technique. It works because an exhausted brain can't make decisions.

You couldn't think clearly enough to leave. That wasn't a flaw in you. That was the POINT.

And on the other side? Sleep comes back FIRST. Within days.

And you wake up realizing you haven't thought clearly in years.

Comment which of the above number you have faced mostly?

It is NOT your fault. And God bless.

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58 South Molton Street
London
W1K5

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