UCL Futsal

Varsity 🟣

Next stop: Reading. Coming for the 3 points.🟣🟣🟣

1 week to go.

History remembers the great clashes —
David vs Goliath.
United vs Liverpool.
El Clásico.

Now…
UCL vs KCL.

Tickets required.
Mind games already underway — with K*ngs trying to disqualify us again.

Rumour has it Ossie (K*ngs captain) is pulling up in an armoured vehicle to “protect his players” 😭

Somers Town won’t be the same.

🎟 Get your tickets:
https://studentsunionucl.org/whats-on/events-activities/varsity-series-2026-futsal

History remembers the great clashes — David vs Goliath, United vs Liverpool, El Clásico…Now, one for the history books: UCL vs KCL.

Tickets required. Mind games already underway — with K*ngs trying to disqualify us again.

Rumour has it Ossie (K*ngs captain) is pulling up in an armoured vehicle to “protect his players” 😭

Somers Town won’t be the same.

Get your tickets here: https://studentsunionucl.org/whats-on/events-activities/varsity-series-2026-futsal

Last week, me (El Presidente) and Ale (El Secretario Social) had a chat about our SU situation, and I told him we’d had a decent one…

Sunday: We arrived at the pitch wondering why the goals were bent like Bonnie Blue. Readings 1s didn’t seem to like them either, maybe they thought the frames had seen too much action. Personally, I think they were just intimidated by us, especially Moriz and his innocent face, who later bent them over.

Now onto the “friendly”. We lined up with Raf up front, Tristan and Aadiv on the wings, Callum at the back, and Sei in goal. We started strong, penetrating through their defence, and Tristan opened the scoring. During the first half I (El Presidente) was flicked by a Mexican snack, although he was Argentinian, by the way (you know who you are 😘). Personally, I love nachos, so no complaints. Good lad, really. A flurry of fouls earned Raf his first goal from the penalty spot, thanks for the pickles you bought me, I hope ur snus is fine. Half-time score: 4–2 to them.

Second half: Rex seemed more interested in their legs than the ball and nearly got himself slapped by their very large fixed (must’ve been on his period). Their keeper (Their El Presidente) probably should’ve been sent off for a scandalous handball outside the box.

Then came the cumback. A beautiful one. In the dying minutes we led 6-7. Six Sevennn, Six Sevennnn. I tried to lock it down, ordering the team to park the bus. But Moriz had other ideas and gave them one last back shot. Final score: 8–6.

Up the ding 🛎️!

We don’t post draws, standards must be upheld. 10:30am, away day, and we’re blessed with an actually nice futsal pitch. Sadly, two unnamed individuals managed to arrive at our home pitch instead, proving that academic excellence still don’t guarantee the ability to read a WhatsApp message correctly. Even more impressively, I (El Presidente) arriving 20 minutes late still arrived 2 minutes earlier than them. Leadership. Standards. The game starts and we immediately score two quick goals. Callum (pls buy your membership 😭) whisper on a message to the subs, the main point being that the opposition were, in polite terms, not very good. We cruise into halftime 5–1 up. Our team talk: silence and vibes. Their team talk: a 10-minute crisis meeting. Second half, Aadiv (our starboy) completes his hat trick. Don and Tristan celebrate with him using the mask Gooner celebration. Sportsmanship remained our core value, as shown by our captain (me) placing a clearance into an opponent’s shin. The ref saw nothing, play went on, and while he lay there in pain, I thundered a shot off the post with as much power as I hit him. (In all seriousness, I hope he is okay) Full time: 8–3. Next up, Reading 1s or 2s.

These photos cost us £60 and we are going bankrupt. If you’d like to support us, we’re accepting donations, donation link’s in our Linktree.

Yes, we only post when we win.
Running on 6 hours of sleep, off to Portsmouth we go. The captain pulls out last-minute, and we’re left with a skeleton squad. I, El Presidente, barely make the train and immediately declare the tactics: Park. The. Bus.
We arrive in Portsmouth to find two coaches for their 2s, a full crowd of actual spectators, their other teams, and even their misses watching. First half kicks off and it turns out they showed up with the exact same tactics — great minds think alike.
As the pivot, I had no clue what I was doing. Four players marking me, first touch like a trampoline. Eman shouting at me only when I’m on the bench, never at the players actually on the pitch. Proper management.
Then Aadiv bangs in a worldie and we go into halftime 1–1.
Second half starts, Portsmouth go 2–1 up through pure haram ball, déjà vu from last week. Ale turns to me and says he’s “feeling it.” Comes on, scores two. Enio then decides he feels it as well — comes on and scores two more.
Rage-baiting their team was elite entertainment, and it paid off: they got a red card with 5 minutes left.
Final whistle goes, scenes everywhere. Celebrations wild. We even clapped their fans.
On to the next.

More new faces for this game, as we embarked on our cup journey. With a slow start and some dodgy calls by the ref we led into the second half. Lacklustre tracking back once again left us exposed forcing Kai to make countless saves. A Foden-esque assist however is given by Don who puts it on a plate for Kai to score from his own half, got to give credit where credit is due. Our starboy however was unable to find the net repeatedly this game, denied by the LSE keeper a number of times. A good start to the tournament, with more precision we can definitely go far.

After half the committee made their BUCS debut last game, this time half dropped out the day before. Classic commitment levels. Somehow, we still had 11 players — including two keepers. We started poorly, going 1–0 down, until Aadiv (our star boy) decided to score a hat-trick. Despite the ref clearly working part-time for the other team, we led 11–3 at half time. Second half? Pure carnage. The opponents swapped football for rugby, flattening half our squad (including me, El Presidente). Their excuse? The “slippery floor” caused by their own sweat. Emmanuel had a passionate debate with the ref, and Enio finally scored — probably? Final score: 20–8. Lethal attack, questionable defending.

Motm: Aadiv (8 goals on debut)
Wotm: Emmanuel + Ref

After a slow start, Rocco opened the score and we went into halftime with only three goals between both sides. The momentum shifted when Alejandro came on and scored a brilliant hat-trick, giving us control. However, towards the final minutes, Yurii had to make more saves as LSE pushed forward. Too many players relied on Naaeb in defense without tracking back. We need stronger communication — call out your marks and cover the sweeper role when Naaeb drives up. A brilliant start to the BUCS season, but it was definitely a game where we could’ve kept a clean sheet.