Life with My Special Son with Different Needs

When personal and professional life and experience merges and supports one another. Proud to be a holder of "Understanding Autism " Certificate (UK, NCFE).🙏

Raising a special needs child is one of the most demanding and courageous journeys a person can take. Being fully present for someone else, day in and day out, is an act of deep love, but it is also relentless work. Anyone who has walked this path will understand what I mean. And yet, somehow, we manage to keep going. We draw strength from somewhere - perhaps from a hidden well of resilience, or from a fierce and quiet determination to keep showing up, no matter how tired we are. We find a way to support our child, and in the process, try to support ourselves.

But there’s one situation that can feel especially breaking: co-parenting with someone who has a toxic or narcissistic personality. That moment when, instead of support, you’re met with criticism - the kind that questions your decisions, undermines your efforts, and tells you that you’re not enough - it can shatter your spirit.

If that person is the only one who can offer even a little help with parenting duties, the situation becomes even more complicated. You might find yourself needing to rely on someone who also drains you emotionally. When that happens, do whatever you can to prepare yourself. You may need to put on blinders and block your ears: not to ignore reality, but to protect your peace. Let them do a small task for your child, not for their sake, but for yours, so you can take that precious moment to breathe, to rest, to restore.

And please know: this is not easy. It’s incredibly hard. But if you’re walking through this, I see you. You are not alone. You are acknowledged. You are doing more than enough. :-)

If you are looking for someone to be supported professionally or just have a "listening ear" - lets be in touch. Drop me line via Whatsapp (07525 003549) . Have a lovely day.

Today I just want to acknowledge something important: raising a child with special needs—whatever those needs may be—is not easy.
As a parent, you often have to micromanage everything, constantly think a few steps ahead, and prepare for what might go wrong. The only thing that can make this path a little easier is having a reliable circle of people you can trust and turn to for help.

Now imagine doing all this while co-parenting with someone who has their own complex emotional needs—someone with an antagonistic personality or traits of something like narcissistic personality disorder (diagnosed or not). That’s a tough road to walk, and it can take a real toll on your mental and emotional wellbeing.

Here are some tips that I’ve found helpful along the way:

1. Always have a Plan B. Even if you share parenting duties, assume that your co-parent might cancel, disengage, or change plans last minute—especially if they're upset or wrapped up in their own drama. Be prepared.

2. Create a self-care plan and stick to it.
This could be as simple as taking an extra nap, booking a spa visit once a month, or doing whatever makes you feel nourished—emotionally or physically.

3. Set your expectations low.
Rely on them only for the bare minimum, and be pleasantly surprised if they show up more.

4. Don’t take the drama seriously.
Let their words go in one ear and out the other—don’t let it derail you.

5. Protect your child.
This one’s hard. Do your best to shield your child from the emotional chaos. Ironically, your child’s SEN needs (especially if they involve language delays) might offer some buffer. But be aware that many neurodivergent children are especially sensitive to tone, tension, and emotion—they often FEEL more than they understand.

Whatever you’re facing today, just know you’re not alone. I’m here if you ever need a listening ear.👂🤗

We all know that there are many hardships when it comes to a life with your “special one” (as in “person with special or different needs”). Today I want to share what I like and even love about this kind of life. That’s a moment of surprise that I love the most. I do think with our neurotypical kids we pretty much know where the day starts and where it will most probably end. Not so with our special ones.

So, today started as usual: with my desperate fight of getting my special one out of his bed, and then – out of the door on his way to school. The hours while he was at school passed quickly with me trying to catch some daytime hours to mind my own business. So, the time came to collect him from his school (although already 15 he is not yet a fully independent traveller as the route includes 1h+ travel with London underground..) and we were on our way to the station when my special one wanted to check something on my mobile phone. He frequently checks the planes as he loves them and plans to be a pilot when he grows up (I know – not an easy dream to fulfil). Today his focus was on something else: as soon as I saw the photo he was inspecting, I remembered him mentioning several times about the “blue Pepsi” which I have once had when abroad and have sent a photo of it afterwards.

As we know – our special ones can have an AMAZING focus and they really want to... So, it was clear that there is no way we could get home without a bottle of blue Pepsi that he craved for. He found a shop (on the other edge of the city!) which supposedly would have this miraculous drink. Ok – google map as our guide – what can go wrong? (I smile now reading this... I should have known better!) We got out of the tube on the right stop (according to google) and all seemed to be fine until... I noticed that my phone’s battery is flat... no power bank in my bag either... Traveller in my spirit I should be able to manage the situation like this with ease, right? Before my phone went on sleeping, I noticed that the desired shop is about 15 min away... How hard can it be?? The only problem – I wasn’t able to check yet which way should we go...

Ok, let’s try and cut this story a bit shorter... So, after a few chats with porters of posh hotels (we were in the posh part of the city) and random strangers it was clear that no one nowadays is able to find their way unless google assists them... Getting into a nice cafe and charging my phone seemed like the only wise way to act. We finally did find a nice place, sat down and while I had a nice cup of espresso, my special one finished all of his homework (he rarely has that kind of inspiration at home...:-) and we could finally go on to find our initial destination. By the time we got to the shop it was already dark and rain had started to drizzle... In my mind I silently prayed for a blue elixir to materialise as soon as possible and let us be on our way home finally... In the shop my special one went straight to the shelf with various drinks on display.. no desired blue Pepsi there.

With last hopes fading I enquired from shop assistants about it; they seemed to remember having it but apparently it was sold out... Ten years ago this would surely result in my son throwing himself on the floor and having a wild tantrum.. and me trying to drag him away in embarrassment.. Now at the age 15 my special one tries hard to control his emotions – as much as he can... I could see a huge disappointment written on his face. That and disbelieve. Somehow he was 100% sure that what he was looking for was right there. He rushed through the beverage shelves and entire shop several times... with no result. I slowly made my way to the exit as this strategy usually works as a prompt to leave. Not this time. He was standing around the last shelf of entire shop where they try to sell out some products just before their deadline. I showed a more clear sign that we need to leave now (as security guy by the door became visibly nervous). My son seemed to be frozen and didn’t move an inch... Suddenly I felt super tired – from this long day and probably also a long experience of so many embarrassing instances in the past... I started to approach him, determinant that I will use a childhood strategy (of dragging him out), if nothing else would help... Stading next to him I saw that his eyes are fixed on some object on the very lowest shelf... Here it was – a bottle of a blue Pepsi! My dear special one was frozen since he couldn’t believe his luck... We quickly got the bottle, paid for it and made our way out...

On our way to the tube station my special one stopped several times and checked his shopping bag and even planted a quick kiss on a miraculous result of his hunt today... My heart was overflown with such a tender love that I haven’t felt for a long time. So much was there in our today’s experience. Reminder that our special ones are stronger and much more determinant than we think. And so vulnerable at the same time – in their believe that everything is, in fact, possible. Just dream big. One more of the very valuable live lessons my son has taught me.🙏🤗

I want to believe that any child who comes into this world is special - at least to their parents and family members. There is a different context though where "special" means something entirely different. Special needs or simply - needs that are different from most of the kids within the same age group and background. We have to be prepared that many people in our life - even the closest ones, including our dear relatives, friends and neighbours - will never fully understand what "special" means in your life and your child's life. I realized that the mothers of these children (well, sometimes the fathers and other family members too) are also "special" only much later (after giving birth to my very own special child). Sometimes, when we hear about a success story (of a family raising such child), it sounds a bit too optimistic, and the reality may be a bit different. Success stories are, of course, necessary, if only to give hope to move on. Yes, many of the care givers of such children are really amazing and could be a role model for everyone, however... More often than not the life with a "special one" manifests itself in chronic fatigue, neglecting one's own health, constantly present dark circles under the eyes and little by little diminishing joy of life or even - the desire to live and enjoy this life. Well, it's not that life with the "special one" is a complete valley of sorrows - there are, of course, also moments of joy when we laugh heartily and... almost forget that our life will never be the same again. We forget for a moment maybe, but right after that, life reminds us of sad reality once again. Sometimes in a manner which feels very harsh and cruel.