On Yer' Bike! of Middlesbrough Bicycle Sales, Spares & Repairs

not mine:

https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/1192150038.html

A few things from the bike shop.

Whoo-hoo Seattle, the sun is out! Let's discuss a few things before you fumble with swapping the unused ski rack for the unused bike rack on the Subaru.

So yes, you've noticed the sun is out, and hey!- maybe it would be cool to to some bike riding. Let's keep in mind that the sun came out of all 600,000 of us, so for the most part, you're not the only one who noticed. Please remember that when you walk into my shop on a bright, sunny Saturday morning. It will save you from looking like a complete t**t that huffs "Why are there so many people here?"

Are we all on the same page now about it being sunny outside? Have we all figured out that we're not the only clever people that feel sunny days are good for bike riding? Great. I want to kiss all of you on your forehead for sharing this moment with me. Put your vitamin D starved fingers in mine, and we'll move on together to some pointers that will make life easier.

SOME POINTERS FOR THE PHONE:

- I don't know what size of bike you need. The only thing that I can tell over the phone is that you sound fat. I don't care how tall you are. I don't care how long your inseam is. Don't complain to me that you don't want to come ALL THE WAY down to the bike shop to get fitted for a bike. I have two hundred bikes in my inventory. I will find one that fits you. Whether you come from the north or the south, my shop is downhill. Pretend you're going to smell a fart, ball up, and roll your fat ass down here.

- Don't get high and call me. Write it down, call me later. When I have four phone lines ringing, and a herdlet
of people waiting for help, I can't deal with you sitting there "uuuuhhh"-ing and "uuummm"-ing while your brain tries to put together some cheeto-xbox-fixie conundrum. We didn't get disconnected, I left you on hold to figure your s**t out.

-I really do need to see your bike to know what is wrong with it. You've already figured out that when you car makes a noise, the mechanic needs to see it. When your TV goes blank, a technician needs to see it. I can tell you, if there is one thing I've learned from you fu***ng squirrels, it's that "doesn't shift right" means your bike could need a slight cable adjustment, or you might just need to stop backing into it with the Subaru. Bring it in, I'll let you know for sure.

- No, I don't know how much a good bike costs. For some, spending $500 dollars is a kingly sum. For others, $500 won't buy you one good wheel. You really need to have an idea of what you want, because every one of you raccoons "doesn't want to spend too much".

FOR YOU INVENTIVE TYPES AND DO-IT-YOURSELFERS:

- Just because you think is should exist, doesn't mean that it does. I know that to you, a 14 inch quill stem makes perfect sense, but what makes more sense is buying a bike that fits you, not trying to make your mountain bike that was too small for you to begin with into a comfort bike.

- If some t**t on some message board somewhere says that you can use the lockring from your bottom bracket as a lockring for a fixie conversion doesn't mean that A: you can, or B: you should. Please listen to me on this stuff, I really do have your best interests at heart.

- I love that you have the enthusiasm to build yourself a recumbent in the off season. That does not mean however, that I share your enthusiasm; ergo I won't do the "final tweaks" for you. You figure out why that Sram shifter and that Shimano rear derailleur don't work together. While we're at it, you recumbent people scare me a little. Don't bring that lumbering fu***ng thing anywhere near me.

A DEDICATION TO ALL THE HIPSTER DUCHEBAGS:

-If you s**theads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid. Go have an ironic mustache growing contest in front of American Apparel, so that I can continue selling $300 bikes to fatties, which is what keeps the lights on.

- Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good. The reason that no one has ridden that "vintage" Murray is because it's s**t. It was s**t in the 80's, a trend it carried proudly through the 90's, and rallied with into the '00's. What I mean to say is, no, I can't make it work better. It's still s**t, even with more air in the tires.

SO YOU'RE GONNA BUY A BIKE:

Good for you! Biking is awesome. It's easy, it's fun, it's good for you. I want you to bike, I really do. To that end, I am here to help you.

-Your co-worker that's "really into biking" knows f**k all. Stop asking for his advice. He could care less about you having the right bike. He wants to validate his bike purchase(s) through you. He also wants to sleep with you, and wear matching bike shorts with you.

- You're not a triathlete. You're not. If you were, you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- You're not a racer. If you were, I'd know you already, and you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- So you want a bike that you can ride to work, goes really fast, is good for that triathlon you're doing this summer (snicker), is good on trails and mud, and costs less than $300. Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me. What are we even talking about here? Oh yeah. Listen, bikes can be fast, light, cheap and comfortable. Pick two, and we're all good.

ABOUT YOUR KIDS:

Your kids are amazing. Sure are. No one else has kids as smart, able, funny or as good looking as you. Nope. Never see THAT around here.

- I have no idea how long you kid will be able to use this bike. As it seems to me, your precious is a little re****ed, and can't even use the damn thing now. More likely, your budding genius is going to leave the bike in the driveway where you will Subaru the bike to death LONG before the nose picker outgrows the bike.

- Stop being so jumpy. I am not a molester. You people REALLY watch too much TV. When I hold the back of the bike while your kid is on it, it's not because I get a thrill from *almost* having my hand on kid butt, it's because kids are unpredictable, and generally take off whenever possible, usually not in the direction you think they might go. Listen, if I were going to do anything bad to your kids, I'd feed them to sharks, because sharks are FU***NG AWESOME.

I hope this helps, and have fun this summer riding your kick-ass bike!

best of craigslist: A few things from the bike shop.

On Yer' Bike! would love your feedback Post a review to our profile on Google

Here we have a gents 51cm (20") Specialized Crossroads hybrid bike for sale. It has 700c quick release wheels, 24 Shimano Altus gears. Just been serviced & in good condition. Looking for £100.00 for it. It's ready to just ride away! Tel: 07305-635117 or 07786-233527 😉👍

You've gotta read this all the way through as I was bad laughing at the end.......🤣😂😅😆

Why everyone hates cyclists?
I was so triggered by this k**b this morning that I had to write this. Driving through Horsham, A264, 8:30 on Sunday morning.

End of May every tree has blossomed and overgrown, visibility on country lanes is even worse with less space to get around (over hanging branches, trees etc.)

You’re enjoying the weather, traffic’s good, feels like a good day even though there’s a wrong address on the paperwork and you’re running late cause of it, then you meet this ______ down a country lane.

Came behind him just before solid line as there was blind bend, going slightly uphill there’s first chance for him to get in and stop for 5 seconds and let me safely pass, he doesn’t, not a problem I’m thinking, even though he could I’m in good mood let him be he’s struggling, it’s uphill battle for him same as it is for me…

After few yards, still going uphill and approaching another chance for him to pull in, he doesn’t, that’s fine, big breath in, not a problem I’ll do 6mph for a little while as well.

And then.

We have passed the bend safely, there are signs for traffic lights, mobile ones, contruction ones, approaching them, massive gravel bit almost a layby like, that I could do a 45 if need to, I said surely he’s going to use his brain for a second and he’s going to pull in and let 44tonne vehicle and a queue of cars behind me through.

But no. No. Why the f* would he??

This fu***ng c**t waits for the green light in front of everyone, stands on his little pedals and starts cycling stood up builidng up the speed from 5mph to 6mph.

I was fuming. Thank God and all the Heavens that gave me enough composure to not go through this braindead c**t. Driving for another mile behind him just so he can wave me through as I was passing him, I’m just thinking to myself “you don’t even know how lucky you are just now”

Seeing them all the time in Dover completely clueless of road sings, massive danger whenever on the roads, going through red lights like they don’t exist - it’s time for every cyclist to get a cyclists license as every other road user is supposed to!

With weather like this and all the c**ts, sorry cyclists out on the road - stay safe out there.

Hadn't realised that it's a Bank Holiday Monday & I don't open on Bank Holidays 🙄 But, there's a few customers I've told "I'll see you Monday" for them to collect their repairs, silly bu**er me!🙄😵‍💫 So, I do apologise, but it's been like a sweatshop lately & I think the sun's fried my one n only brain cell....lol😵‍💫😁

But, it'll be "nose to the bike wheel" again Tuesday & get buzzin' thru me repairs I have in & clear some space up for more!😲

The no.1 bike repair shop in the Boro!

On Yer' Bike! of Middlesbrough Bicycle Sales, Spares & Repairs 😉👍

Customer came in with poor stopping power & noisy brakes🤔🤨 I wonder if the "due to the lack of meat" might just be the problem with these disc pads🤔🤔🤔😁

Well, had to fit these 2 new replacement Continental anti-puncture tyres & puncture protection tubes to this customers Ridley bike after being wrongly advised to have a pair of Schwalbe ebike specced tyres, complete with a pair of Taunnus tyre liners (& a normal inner tube) originally fitted to his bike by Untypicals in the village after he'd fell victim to punctures whilst on his bike.
For starters, these tyres are way too heavy, the tyre liners weren't fitted correctly which also added a LOT of extra weight too! This gave him the feeling of riding his bike with badly buckled wheels. The customer did complain to Untypicals about this. But he was fobbed off by blaming his customer saying that his wheels were buckled & it's not my fault!

After spending over £200 for these parts & getting fobbed off by the owner of Untypicals, the customer came to me & asked if I could do anything for him as he'd lost all faith in the other shop😠 Upon checking the "badly buckled wheels" he'd been told he had, I found nothing wrong with them at all!😲 The problem lay with the wrong, heavy ebike tyres & the incorrectly fitted tyre liners that made the tyres not sit correctly on their rims🤨

With these fitted to this bike, it weighed more than a cheap bog standard mountain bike with steel wheels which, you would end up with legs like Popeye after trying to ride this thing!🥵 Also, it would have been neigh-on impossible for the customer to get these tyres back off using normal tyre levers (plastic ones would have snapped instantly!😲). I even struggled with a set of metal workshop levers getting the tyres back off. Plus, they shouldn't have been fitted to these deep V-shaped rims in the first place!😠

But, after having to shell out nearly a £100 more, replacing the ill-advised original purchase, one customer is happy again & not having to "cough a lung up" trying to ride his, at the time "clown" bike, that then weighed a ton with the totally wrong setup fitted to it🙄

This is why I don't believe in these anti-puncture solutions. It couldn't even seal this tiny thorn hole in a customers inner tube (customer had put a solution in his tube previously). Best just buying tyres with the anti-puncture strips already moulded into the tyre😉👍

Gents Cube/Carrera (been resprayed a Jaguar green metallic) 20" full alloy frame, 24spd, 27.5" Q/R wheels with disc brakes. Recently serviced & ready to ride away. Looking for £90.00 cash.