Walkergate Football Club

Walkergate FC would like to distance ourselves from all Emma Hayes kitchen memes.
The only thing we're concerned about is the squad list availability.
We look forward to Sunday's game against Blakelaw FC...
..we're just awaiting loads of players to remember they actually play for us. 😂⚽

🚨 BREAKING: WALKERGATE STATEMENT 🚨
With Tino Livramento pulling up injured, Thomas Tuchel has made the only logical decision... 😅
Jack Murphy is off to Dallas with the England World Cup squad! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿✈️
Apparently the FA were after someone who's always match fit... so naturally they picked the lad who's definitely not missed the last two seasons with a torn ACL. 😂🤕
Congratulations Jack... don't forget us when you're lifting the trophy. 🏆
👇 Now over to you...
If you were Thomas Tuchel, who would you have called up instead? Or has he actually made the right decision? 👀
⬇️ Tag the mate who reckons they're one injury away from an England call-up!
Sponsored by JB Joinery & Interiors LTD

🚨 MATCHDAY PREVIEW 🚨
⚽ Walkergate Fc vs Blakelaw FC
📅 Sunday 21st June 🕥 Kick-off: 10:15 AM
📍 Bullocksteads, NE13 8AH
Sunday morning. Questionable hangovers. Dubious refereeing. Peak football. 🍻
This week's predictions: 🟥 Red card? We'd be more surprised if there isn't one.
😭 Robbie Bowman (or Jonny New Jenkinson ) having a passionate discussion with the ref? Looking very likely.
💥 Jordan Robertson flying into tackles like it's a cup final? Absolutely guaranteed.
🤼 A few handbags after a "perfectly fair" challenge? Standard Sunday league procedure.
🚀 Kane Oreilly attempting to clear the ball into the next postcode? Expected.
⚡ TheoriginalAfrican/ Asap Alberto hitting approximately 253mph down the wing before somehow ending up in the car park.
Weather forecast: 🌤️ 30% sunshine ⚽ 70% long balls 🗣️ 100% shouting "LINE!" at absolutely everything.
If you're after tiki-taka football... this probably isn't the game for you.
If you're after crunching tackles, questionable decisions, comedy moments, and proper Sunday league chaos...
See you there. 🍿⚽

🐶 BARKING DOG GAME: COMPLETED ✅
Another Sunday, another three points... and another reminder that getting 11 lads to kick-off on time is harder than winning the league. 🤦‍♂️
We started the game with 10 men, because apparently kick-off times are optional in Sunday League. Thankfully, two of the missing lads eventually remembered they had a football match and wandered over.
It was also great to see a few returning faces back in a Walkergate shirt... and a few new faces too. Shame some of the "new signings" clearly thought it was a trial for the disappearing act and never actually turned up. 😂
⚽ 1-0 – Harvey Serginson curled in a lovely free-kick. Not bad for the club's resident plastic gangster.
Barking Dog pulled one back before half-time and it was game on.
Then, just when everyone was mentally heading to the pub...
🚀 Liam Warren unleashed an absolute rocket in the dying minutes to nick all three points. Standard stuff from the big man. Man of the Match, proving that going from "really fat" to "well... okay" has only improved his finishing.
👏 Special mention to Dylan Redhead , who marshalled the back line all game. Calm, composed and made sure we came away with three points instead of excuses.
Another Sunday ticked off... ✔️ Dirty tackles
✔️ Questionable refereeing
✔️ Late arrivals
✔️ One or two no-shows
✔️ Cold pints waiting after the final whistle 🍻
FULL TIME
🟡⚫ Walkergate FC 2️⃣-1️⃣ Barking Dog FC
Next up: Blakelaw FC... 👀
Now that should be a proper Sunday League fixture.
Expect flying tackles, handbags after every foul, someone claiming they "could've played for Newcastle", the ref losing control after 15 minutes, and at least one bloke asking if anyone's brought the match balls.
🔮 Sunday League Predictions
🚀 Liam Warren screamer.
🎯 Harvey Serginson spends longer sorting his trim than warming up.
🧱 Dylan Redhead pockets another striker.
🟥 Connor Rainey to collect his customary red card. 😂
🍺 Win, lose or draw... everyone's in the pub by 3pm.

Sponsored by none other than JB Joinery & Interiors LTD 🙏❤️

See you all next week. Up the Gate! 💛🖤

⚽ MATCHDAY IS BACK ⚽

After what felt like 6 years (and at least 14 stone gained between us), Walkergate are finally back.
New faces.
Missing faces.
Still probably the same s**t football... but who knows? 🤷‍♂️
Tomorrow we kick off our summer tournament against Barking Dog, a side who finished a division above us last season.
As for us...

We somehow finished 7th last season and then got promoted.
We're still trying to work out who signed that paperwork because, if we're honest, we were absolutely s**te and had no business going up. 😂

New season though, fresh start...
New signings eager to impress.
Old lads pretending they stretched.
Half the squad already asking where the nearest smoking area is.

📍 Bullocksteads, NE13 8AH
⏰ Kick-off: 10:30am
🏆 Summer Tournament – Game 1
Whether it's silky football or 90 minutes of first touches that end up in another postcode, we'll give it a go.
Come down, have a laugh, and watch 22 grown men convince themselves pre-season fitness is a myth.
Up the Gate! 🟡⚫

Sponsored by JB Joinery & Interiors LTD ❤️🙏

Scouting Report:
WALKERGATE FC NEW SIGNING
Ronnie Short The Gypsy Rocket 🚀 🐴
Scout Report:
Pace ⭐⭐⭐
Tackling ⭐⭐
Caravan Parking ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Negotiating Transfer Fees ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"Can find a football pitch anywhere in the UK."

As always sponsored by JB Joinery & Interiors LTD 🙏

Sat him down. Picked him back up. Sat him down again 😭🔥
One of our own taking over the Top Baller 1v1s.
Yannis Boudiab 👌🔥

Watch this 👇🔥

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYz67hfOM2k/?igsh=MTBoenNlcTd6enYxNQ==

Who said US ballers can’t cook ? 😭 #football #1v1 #sunderland #baller #usa

☀️ WARNING: UV levels in the North East expected to hit record highs this weekend… meaning Lewis Walker has officially been advised to remain indoors between 11am–4pm.
Scientists are still divided on the big question:
🧑🏻‍🦰 Will he instantly combust in direct sunlight due to having the melanin levels of a fridge freezer?
OR
😁 Will the reflection off his Turkey teeth actually protect the full Walkergate back four from UV exposure?
Current tests suggest his veneers can be seen from the ISS and have blinded 3 opposition keepers this season already.
Sponsored by JB Joinery & Interiors LTD — because somebody had to build storage strong enough for those teeth overnight. 🦷⚒️

BREAKING: Walkergate sources can now confirm Thomas Tuchel has been operating as a German double agent all along 🇩🇪🕵️‍♂️
After extensive investigations (and one bloke hiding in bushes with binoculars) we’ve uncovered: ❌ Jordan Henderson recalled from retirement home duty
❌ Lewis Hall left at passport control
❌ Kyle Walker still somehow escaping consequences
❌ England’s attacking football officially missing since 1966
Operation Bavaria is well underway.
Mission objective: destroy all remaining hope before the group stages even start.
Do we possibly have another incoming? 👀
Proudly sponsored by JB Joinery & Interiors LTD 🔨
“Building absolutely everything… apart from England’s midfield.”