Julie Randall of Enlivened

Sometimes grief looks like tears.

Sometimes it looks like keeping busy.

Sometimes it looks like smiling, working and carrying on as though nothing has changed.

And sometimes it looks like sitting in the car for five minutes longer because you don’t quite have the energy to go inside.

People often think they need to be falling apart before they are “allowed” to need support.

They don’t.

This Wednesday evening, the Giraffe Grief Club is meeting again, in Peterborough.

It is a relaxed, welcoming space for anyone carrying grief, loss, change or something they are finding difficult to explain.

There is no pressure to share.

No expectation to have the right words.

And nobody trying to tell you how you should feel.

Sometimes it is enough to be somewhere you don’t have to pretend.

Message me if you would like the details.

What things do you do to get through when life feels tough?

This week is Alcohol Awareness Week and the theme is “Alcohol and me.”

Now, before anyone thinks I’m here to judge, I’m really not.

Life is hard enough without someone wagging a finger at you.

But it did make me think about something we talk about in grief recovery called STERBs.

A STERB is a Short-Term Energy Relieving Behaviour.

In plain English, it’s something we reach for to take the edge off emotional pain.

For some people that might be alcohol. For someone else it might be food, shopping, scrolling, overworking, keeping constantly busy, exercising to excess, or always looking after everyone else so they don’t have to stop and feel.

And I get it.

These things often start because they help us survive something.

They help us get through a day, a week, a loss, a shock, a change, or a time when we simply don’t have the energy to deal with one more thing.

After my Dad died, shopping was definitely one of mine.

The difficulty comes when the thing that helped us cope becomes the only way we know how to cope.

Because a STERB might soothe us for a while, but it doesn’t heal what is underneath.

If you recognise this in yourself, please don’t use it as another reason to beat yourself up.

Be kind to yourself.

Most coping behaviours begin because, at some point, we were just trying to get through.

But there does come a point where we may need a safer space to look at what is really going on underneath.

At Enlivened, I support people through grief, loss, change and life’s tougher transitions with kindness, honesty and no judgement.

You don’t have to carry it all on your own.

Have you heard of STERBs before?

Some love never leaves us.

Today is National Bereaved Parents Day.

And this is one of those days where I want to tread gently.

Because losing a child, at any age and in any circumstance, is a grief that changes the shape of life.

There are no neat words.

No clever phrases.

No timeline.

And sometimes the kindest thing we can do is simply acknowledge the love, the loss and the person who is still so deeply missed.

People often worry that mentioning someone who has died will upset the person grieving.

But often, they are already thinking about them.

You are not reminding them of their grief.

You are acknowledging their love.

So if you know a bereaved parent, today might be a day to send a gentle message.

Something simple.

“I’m thinking of you.”
“I remember them.”
“I’m here.”
“Always in your heart.”

No fixing.

No rushing.

Just kindness.

Do you ever feel like life would feel a little lighter if there was just a bit more breathing space?

Not necessarily loads.

Just a bit.

A bit more room in the budget.
A bit less pressure when the bills come in.
A bit more choice.
A bit less month left at the end of the money.

I talk a lot about emotional wellbeing because grief, stress, burnout and life transitions can take a lot out of us.

But financial wellbeing matters too.

Because when money feels tight, it affects everything.

Sleep.
Relationships.
Confidence.
Choices.
Energy.
Even how hopeful we feel about the future.

And sometimes people don’t need a lecture.

They don’t need judgement.

They just need options.

That might mean reviewing what’s going out.
It might mean looking at ways to save.
It might mean creating an extra income stream that fits around real life.

No hype.
No pressure.
Just possibilities.

Because a little more breathing space can make a big difference.

Would more financial breathing space help you right now?

Who loves a silly joke?