Faire Is The XI

Mid-10th-Anniversary-Season Update: P3 W2 L1

Following strong wins at Eton (Strawberry) and Barn Elms (Commons Old Boys CC), here we are following our first defeat of 2022 - a very enjoyable trip to Tonbridge School to take on their 3rd XI. Batting first, a strong, though somewhat erratic pace attack greeted Faire, so after a couple of early wickets, runs from Fabian Eccles-Williams (35), Sal Dixon (22), and Ruairi Bowen (21) (plus v generous fielding from our hosts) heaved us to 122 all out with only two balls to spare of the allotted 30 overs. Taking the field after a splendid tea, further rewards eluded the dogged new-ball partnership of Paddy Stobbs and Edward de Minckwitz, and though there was an excellent spell from leg-spinner Olie Hunt (2-29) and a wicket on debut from Chris Gabbitas (1-43), it wasn't enough to halt the schoolboys. An early finish did mean drinks in the sun overlooking the pitch, courtesy of the school chaplain - we look forward to returning next year!

Our next match is at Barn Elms (Barnes) on Sunday 19th June - vs The Huntsman's XI - spectators are very welcome! And if you fancy playing, get in touch...

www.instagram.com/faireisthexi

By kind permission of the Provost and Scholars of King’s College, Cambridge, Faire will soon commence pre-season training in the antechapel at King’s. Following the premature end of 65 individual innings in 2021 due to aerial hitting to the infield, Director of Music Daniel Hyde came to Faire with an unusual solution involving that old cricketing bugbear - stained glass windows: “The contemplative beauty of King’s quickly becomes your worst nightmare if your dilscoop desecrates the story of the Queen of Sheba paying homage to King Solomon. A ‘back-to-basics’ approach will see batsmen rewarded for hitting the ball along the ground, and fielders remaining financially solvent when their throws land right on top of the stumps."

In an effort to replicate the lively tracks of Barn Elms and Chiswick House, French construction firm Ukant Beserious are using pneumatic drills to prepare the surface of the chapel under the watchful eyes of the Dean of King's, Stephen Cherry.

Faire’s 2022 campaign gets underway on Saturday 23rd April when they play Strawberry at Eton.

Matchday! A host of Faire veterans return for this highly anticipated season opener in Dulwich..... Fantastic to have Olly Rex playing his first game since 2017, and to welcome one of the Faire organists, Jamal Sutton, as he makes his debut in the middle order.

You can follow the match live here --> https://faireisthexi.play-cricket.com/match_details?id=4784374

BREAKING: Faire Is The XI are delighted to announce a partnership with the ECB to run choral workshops with England’s test cricketers. Speaking to the Daily Mail earlier this morning, National Selector Ed Smith waxed lyrical about the potential for this link-up with Bowen, Kanagasooriam, Newton-Rex et al: “It’s no secret that Ben Stokes croons the Howells ‘Coll Reg’ Nunc Dimittis after castling an opponent, but less well known is Joe Root’s mellifluous countertenor, and let us not forget Jofra Archer’s gorgeous basso-profundo.”

A reciprocal arrangement to coach Faire’s mercurial players wasn’t required, but Smith confirmed that Stuart Broad shows signs of becoming a fine treble, with the paceman marked down to sing the Magnificat from Stanford in G this weekend.

“After the Ashes games in 2019, it wasn’t uncommon for this quartet to be joined by Trevor Bayliss on the chamber organ to run through Byrd motets. What sweeter music?!”

🎶 vs 🖋 …...the final match of the 2020 season sees Faire take on The Authors XI in Tunbridge Wells.

You can follow the match, which is in aid of the Cystic Fibrosis Trust, here -- http://faireisthexi.play-cricket.com/home

Many thanks to Tunbridge Wells Borough Council for providing discounted facilities for the day.

Faire vs Barely Bluies 2019

Pre-amble:
Despite modern misuse, the phrase ‘the old enemy’ was first coined in the late 18th century, by an unknown Fairesman, with reference to then-captain of the Barely Blues E.Q.Q.P-Q. Dixneuf. This epithet was later applied to the side as a whole. This can easily be deduced by any competent scholar who has studied the Faire archives, though the MCC refuse to accept the evidence for reasons known only to them. In truth, the phrase was in such wide use that by Nelson’s death in 1805, his last words were unambiguously recorded as ‘kiss me Hardy [and I hope that Faire beat the Old Enemy this year; go on Faire]’.
Indeed, there is no hotter cricketing contest worldwide than the Barely Faire match and the connoisseurs of the game know it. With a tremendous audience at the Regent’s Park Oval, including the Faire 2040 academy players, it was a game better attended than most matches in the UAE. We hear that some punters had headed to Edgbaston, to see Faire B take on Australia. There’s no accounting for taste.
A gentleman’s toss was agreed by Captain A. Stobbs together with honourable adversary (and sometime Faire stalwart) D. Watkins. Faire were to field while the Blues would bat.

Pitch -
The pitch was dry and dusty, offering little bounce, a touch of lateral movement and moderate spin. The air hung hot, lank and humid; pierced by patchy sunshine and providing a little swing for a well maintained ball.

Barely Blues Innings -
With a Faire bowling attack deeper than the Mariana Trench, Lisney and Elwell opened to Balfour and Biggs. Things started evenly with tight defensive shots, plays-and-misses and big LBW shouts declined. Opportunities to score were limited but the batsmen managed to hang in.
Milner replaced the latter at the Queen Mary’s garden end and it didn’t take him long to get going. Whistling it through on this dull surface, he knocked over the dangerous Biggs and caused trouble for everyone. Watkins strode to the crease amidst some heavy sledging and played some beautiful shots, both off his legs and, controversially, through the off-side. G. Potter found strong rhythm quickly and Blackie was his usual consistent self, making good use of the awkward left arm angle.
With Watkins now motoring on 49, Elwell hurled one at the arch of his back foot. In a moment of exceptional dignity and sportsmanship, the umpire asked the batsman if he hit it, who conceded he had not, and duly walked from the park. Though we might criticise the skills, looks and table manners of the Bluies, no one could criticise the spirit in which they play.
As the innings drew to a close, Blackie got the free-scoring Frank hoisting an dubious shot skyward and De Minckwitz, whose strike rate must be approaching single figures, snaffled Saugman. With 186 required by Faire to win back the Barely Faire Trophy, tea was taken.

Faire Innings-
As expected: Hunt opened. Contrary to expectation: Crow opened. Hunt got quickly into his stride and the ball started flying around the park, eventually getting caught behind for 27. Seeing the Scorer’s pencil swinging over his ‘out’ column like the sword of Damocles, Crow knew he had a lot to prove. And prove it he did. As his score passed ten, then twenty, then thirty, the international crowd sat in disbelief and confusion, watching this raven-haired Jack Leach mature into a batsman. When he fell for 35, the crowd would have stood to applaud, had they understood what was going on.
Cross, having defied London’s medical establishment by making himself fit after the shocking injury sustained against Eton earlier in the season, made 10 before going to Bertie. Stephen then strode out to murmurs of fear from the Blues, but he never quite looked at his authoritative best and was quickly replaced by Milner. The new entrant took control, manoeuvring his way to 22 before leaving under the cloud of a controversial LBW decision, and Faire looked precarious. Fortunately though, De Minckwitz came in and unleashed the proverbial beast. Rocketing to 19 at a strike rate of almost 200, Faire hopes were re-ignited. However, with some sensible bowling and quick runs required, the tail couldn’t finish it off and the Barely Blues took the day.

Tea-
As with the pitch, a reassuringly brown affair can be anticipated at Regent’s Park. Environmentalists might reasonably have decried the volume of plastic bottles used.

Summary-
A game as enjoyable as ever, tinged with the sadness of a missed opportunity. In a moment of sheer hubris, the Bluies had not even brought the trophy with them. A good thing they won, given the diplomatic incident that would surely have followed a Faire win.

Next time: Faire head to Dulwich for a new fixture against Southbank.

--- GE ELWELL

Photo - Gabriella Fenton

Faire vs Tonbridge 3rd XI 2019

Faire rocked up having lost 3 from 3 in 2019. And such consistency was not about to be interrupted. Spying some red-eyed faces in the opposition ranks, Faire inserted Tonbridge and seamers Elwell and Barnett limited the schoolboys to 40-1 off 12 overs before storm Henrietta dumped its load on the ground.

90 minutes of play were lost, during which an early tea was taken. As ham sandwiches were inhaled, Faire’s own Rob Stephen - a Classics master at Tonbridge in his spare time - negotiated a restart. And so it was that play recommenced at 4.30pm in an innovative 15 over a side format.

Crow and de Minckwitz opened the bowling for Faire, with the latter splintering the stumps on two occasions to return impressive figures of 2/15 off 3 overs. But, having had time to wake up, the Tonbridge batsmen played fluently to amass 109/6 - a total stunted only by Potter and Quayle’s frequent boundary-saving gymnastics.

Needing 7 an over, Faire sent in pinch-hitter Scarratt, who pumped a 6 over cow corner before falling victim to some well-directed sledging. Potter (44*) and Stephen (20) then weathered a barrage of bodyline bowling, finding - as was the case in their own schooldays - scoring tough. Replacing Stephen, Quayle clocked one on the helmet first ball, but proceeded to provide useful support to Potter, who was finding his range. A late injection by Dr McDonald kept Faire within reach, but with 34 needed from the final over, Faire could only hit 12 and thus lost by 22 runs.

A wet but enjoyable day. Huge thanks goes to MiC Stephen for arranging such a fine fixture and supply of Becks, and to umpire and spiritual guru Chris Potter for offering much-needed perspective and real ale.

Faire return on June 30th at Chiswick House vs The Authors.

--P STOBBS

Strawberry vs Faire Is The XI 2019

Synopsis: A short while ago, Faire took their beloved annual trip to southern Slough, for a juicy contest against Strawberry. With a competitive side for this abbreviated 20 over game, Faire’s sights were set on triumph following several years of ignominious defeat.

Caveat: Schooling standards being not what they once were, some of the scoring was a bit iffy. So the author apologises for any errors, omissions, blunders, or alleged slanders in the final copy.

Conditions: "Farmers fear unkindly May, frost by night and hail by day" A pitch that had been through the meteorological ringer across the preceding week, bore the marks of that assault. Moreover, the overhead conditions were a pastiche of spring: blistering sun, torrential rain, and nothing in-between. There wasn't going to be any pace in this surface, but it did offer the tennis ball bounce and awkward movement typical of an early season wicket. Captain Stobbs took the toss and Faire took to the field with ball in hand.

Strawberry innings: In the spirit of T20, spinner F. Rex opened with Elwell. Clutching a beautiful Dukes ball, Elwell sent down all manner of detritus, bowling 'probably the worst he has in a decade' while at the other end, Rex sourced alarming turn from a helpful pitch. A couple of early wickets were sold cheaply but Faire had no answer to Bowen (86), whose three figure aspirations were eventually dashed by under-bowled all-rounder M. Potter. In the background F. Rex continued to cause problems, maintaining his 100% record of four-fers or higher this year. Later, in an heroic body-on-the-line moment, R. Cross bashed his hand causing it to inflate violently. This injury puts him out for the rest of the season, but such hunger will surely be rewarded next year. De Minckwitz and P. Stobbs also displayed characteristic quality, but by this point the damage was done. Strawberry had set a target of 159.

Faire Innings: Sadly, the Faire innings was to be a challenge. Potter opened things up respectably with 34. This was a decent knock in the circumstances, but still dragged down his astounding average of last year. Barnett made some runs as did P. Stobbs, but the latter was rapidly running out of partners. The highly skilled Faire batting line up, used as they are to international-standard playing surfaces, struggled with the lack of pace. In a change to the advertised broadcast, even Stephen got out cheaply. It was only with the entrance of F. Warner (and Faire’s only married batting partnership - as far as our historical research department can tell) that the tide swayed gently back toward the choristers. Though swinging and manoeuvring their way to an excellent partnership of 35, it gradually became clear that their task was Sisyphean. Faire closed out on 108 and Strawberry took the win.

Tea: A very good standard as ever. An un-named player complimented the carrot cake (out of politeness), and was sternly advised that this cake, in fact, was reserved for parents. With great dignity, the player choose not to advise the matron that he was, in fact, a parent.

Tomorrow: An all-star Faire side travel to Cambridge, for a rumble with The Gentlemen.

--- GE ELWELL

Faire Is The XI vs The Pink Elephants 2019

Pre-amble....
The arrival of April can only mean one thing, the dusting off of Faire caps and kitbags for the start of another thrilling season. Boots were re-studded; techniques were honed; kit untouched since August was finally washed clean of 2018's filth. It was a strong and eager side that made their way to the captivating Vincent Square, remarkably punctually, to take on The Pink Elephants in a much treasured fixture. Faire won the toss, and elected to bat first in this timed declaration game.

Batting -
The Captain faced up to the new ball himself, with Devonshire Destroyer D.Watkins and the pair subdued a solid and consistent opening burst from Songara and Buckland. With deft and subtlety, they took the score to 36 before A.Stobbs was replaced by P.Stobbs (the consummate athlete, he’d already spent 13 overs as runner). He and Watkins (37) put on 60 before P.Stobbs (31) went to accurate off spinner Ireland. This brought Stephen in. Looking scarcely as though he’d had a break since last season, he belted the attack around the park for a 43 ball 69. It wouldn't be a Faire innings without a bit of a collapse though and when Stephen was run out, it began. Ireland’s persistency paid off and by keeping it straight on this early season wicket, he compiled figures of 7-53. Notwithstanding a saucy cameo from Milner, strong and recognised batsmen fell. In the immortal words of Stephen, Faire “batted right down to 10”, so entirely-un-bitter-non-batsman Elwell was relieved to be not out again, maintaining his immaculate strike rate and average… With no declaration required, Faire needed to get the full 10 wickets, for under the 189 they’d posted, in a timeframe of which no-one was quite sure.

Bowling -
Full of scones, Faire took the field with Lisney and Elwell sharing the new ball. Hard work over the winter period had clearly paid off for Lisney, who galloped in and snaffled Mylne. Elwell, with shades of the very poorest man’s Glenn McGrath, started his usual boring assault on and around off. T.Joy replaced him, and almost immediately knocked over the dangerous Royyuru, while Blackie worked his way back into excellent rhythm and Milner sent a few flying past the batsmen’s ears. This day continued to be all about spin though and Hunt became surely the only leg spinner in cricketing history to bowl a wicket maiden as his first over of the season. He was joined by F.Rex, and the rather tritely designated 'spin twins' bowled peerlessly; there was much excitement when their catalogue of deliveries was described as a 'box of tricks' by the Pink Elephants. Rex himself was unstoppable. On a helpful surface, he racked up 5 including the hitherto unshakable James. With only a couple of wickets to get, Faire moved into the driving seat, but they hadn’t reckoned on the hardened resistance of Schoonheim and Buckland. In the end, they weren’t able to break through and the match ended in an honourable draw.

Conclusion -
A delightful first game of the season, with both of promising signs for the rest of the year and cobwebs blown out. Despite some slightly mirthless umpiring, an excellent day was had by all in the watery spring sunshine.

Next Match -
Faire head to Eton, for what promises to be a ‘fruitful’ (“chortle” – GE) tussle with the always-dangerous Strawberry.

--- GE ELWELL

BREAKING: XI announced for Pink Elephants fixture tomorrow in Westminster. Fireworks from the batsmen, missiles from the bowlers - we'll be alright too. Supporters very much encouraged to come to SW1P 2PW.

Faire v The Jesters 2018

‘Have we become a batting side, then?’ mused one onlooker, as Arthur Sewell and James Moore strode off in the pre-crepuscular glow, the seemingly mountainous task made molehill...

It had been clear upon midday arrival at Chiswick House that there was to be no repeat of the abandoned game at Eton the week before, doused as it had been at the midpoint by constant drizzle and the overbearing intervention of Health and Safety regulations. Here, the number of clouds in the sky equalled the number of defeats suffered by Faire so far this season. Even a cursory glance at the pitch conjured up the words ‘Day For Batting’. The Jesters, also undefeated, won a toss which left little room for interpretation, electing to bat and condemning Faire to a full workout under the noonday sun.

Faire Isn’t Quite The Full XI took to the field and, with a quorum of 6 fielders, set about restricting the Jesters’ confident opening pair. This they did for a time, with Chance and Olly Grazebrook bowling economically. Taking wickets was another matter, and the batsmen, playing watchfully but punishing anything off-line, were in the mood to enjoy the fullness of their 40 overs. At the halfway stage they sat pretty, at 96-0.

One of Faire’s late arrivals was Guy James, possessed of a bowling face often described by opposing batsmen as the ‘stuff of nightmares’. Here, the flannelled Freddy Krueger entered the fray and soon made his mark, first unsettling and eventually finding the inside edge of the Jesters’ well-set No.1, whose leg-stump bore the final brunt. From there, batting appeared less easy. James bowled eight consecutive overs with consistent menace, ably assisted by Tom Crow, Ed Stephenson, and, in particular, debutant Moore, whose final figures read like poetry. None of the incoming Jesters was able to ‘kick on’ with real abandon, though honours were due opener Hudson, who made a fundamental 73 out of a final 192-7.

As both sides, slightly wilted by the West London sun, feasted on a tea featuring exorbitantly priced quiche from the local delicatessen, the talk was of an ‘Imposing but not Impossible target’, of ‘Batting the 40 Overs’, and of ‘Being in the Game after 20’.

Though such sporting truisms are worth observing, none of the numerous picnickers watching on from the boundary that afternoon could have deemed Faire’s batting banal. Chris Stobbs set the tone early on with a frankly outrageous straight drive for 6, before Marcus Potter and Sewell (another debutant) assumed the mantle, the latter especially finding gaps with wristy and poised stroke play. This was no mean feat given the unwavering quality of both bowling and fielding from the Jesters, and the still-considerable heat. The Jesters stuck at their task and eventually Potter succumbed, having compiled a heroic 62, and with the target now only 50 runs away. A flurry of wickets from Chak followed (with a trademark 6 from Rob Stephen in between), but Faire boasted quality in depth, and when Moore played a premeditated sweep shot for 4 to bring the required score down into the low teens, both sides knew the game was up. The scorecard will say it went down to the penultimate over, but the chase had been expertly managed from the off.

Overall, the story is one of two evenly-matched sides, on a superb wicket, playing out a good- natured contest - each side was kind enough to offer the other sub fielders when required. The difference was key wickets for us at opportune moments. But with team scores so far this season of 210-4 and 193-4, it seems Faire are very much a batting side to be feared.

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AJF CHANCE