Monika Kozlowska Coaching Limited

Amazing evening and an opportunity for me to talk about becoming more confident in ourselves in our businesses x

Not one of my usual posts, but hey - I have no doubts some of you still wonder what it is I actually do 😉

I created these for my instagram page, but figured they may be helpful on here,too.

I can tell you in secret, I giggled when using the word ‘husband’ in here - still so new!

Anyway, if you ever want to chat about anything I do or how I could support you, just reach out.

Lots of love
Monika x

I wasn’t ready.
Someone asked me how many slides I prepared for my masterclass the day I started telling people about it.

The truth is, at that stage I had none.

Someone could have assumed I wasn’t ready to do it at all.

But that wouldn’t be true.

If I had waited for a perfect moment to announce it with all my slides finished- it would have probably happened next year (or later!)
Instead, i felt the urge to share what I wanted to with the world, chose a date, figured out childcare for the time of the masterclass…and went with it.
How did it go you wonder?

There were women joining from London, Pennsylvania, Greece and Luxembourg - I’ll seriously never stop loving how small the world gets when you work online!

One lady said that as someone who’s Olympic gold medalist at beating herself up (🧡!) this class was life changing for her (her words not mine!)- gave her tools and strategy she knew she needed

I always say if one person takes something away from anything I put out there, it’ll mean the world to me. And the same happened here.

So next time you find yourself thinking about doing something, but not feeling 100% ready, I want you to think of me and this situation here.

Because I promise you, if you decide you’re doing it and you set a deadline, some level of anxiety and the unknown will disappear

And who knows, as a result, you may not only move forward yourself, you may also impact somebody else’s life,too. And for me, this is everything 🧡

And my goodness - getting women together and hearing then open up just gives me so much joy. nothing beats feeling heard, seen and understood. I surely grow from every single one of these experiences and I couldn’t be more grateful.

Have a great rest of your Saturday friends - and if you want to attend Turning Point next time I run it, just message me x

I used to be the queen of people pleasing.

Making sure I did all I could to keep everyone else happy and putting myself and my needs to the very end of the queue

I suppose it explains why I did so well as executive assistant - making sure the exec I was supporting had the best life possible…because my own life didn’t feel that important.

But there’s more to that.

I know a lot of my people-pleasing came from the fear of being found out.
I thought if I stopped and breathed for a day or two, they would find out I wasn’t good enough.

I wasn’t good enough for the job I had and the life I was living. I wasn’t worth the salary I was on. I even feared if all these smart people I worked with found out who I really was, they would leave me or never speak to me again.

Now let me tell you, this is a very tiring way of living. And it’s a little sad, too.

But I know it’s not just me.
I know a lot of us have similar fears and use people-pleasing as their way to protect themselves.

This morning I rewrote a lot of ‘rules’ i know Ive been living by and this one feels relevant to share:

‘For the right people what I know and who I am will always be enough’

It took years of work on my own self-worth, but it feels so freeing to say it.

If you're ready to start being there for yourself and would like me in your corner, just get in touch x

You know this warm feeling inside?

Today I had a session with a lady I worked with last year for 6 months. It’s been a while, so I was so looking forward to meeting her where she was at.
And at some point I noticed how she was acting like someone who believes that they matter.

Someone who knows what they feel is important.
And believes they’re important, too.

She seemed so much lighter, so much happier.

And it HONESTLY touched my heart because she wasn’t like that earlier last year.
Now Im not taking any credit for it because it was all her choosing to do all the work.
Im just so grateful I got to experience this because when I have days wondering what Im doing with my life (yeah well i have these days too!), this is the story I want to remind myself of.

So incredibly grateful for what I get to do 🙏🏼💜

This warm feeling inside that makes you smile - when was the last time you felt it? Would love to know! X

‘What do you do?’

One of the questions you probably ask when meeting someone new.

Have you ever noticed how different people’s reactions are to it when answering?
Some proudly tell you what they do and you can just tell that every piece of them is excited and proud

But many more get uncomfortable.
Triggered.
Are ready to change the subject as soon as possible.

And I used to be like that, too.

It was at the time when I knew how much I loved coaching…but was too scared to leave my full time job.

Because all I knew and all Ive seen around from the very young age was full time employment.

And because I believed what I loved I could only really do ‘around my REAL job’. One that ‘pays the bills’.

And i remember meeting new people at parties WISHING I could say I help people full time and that I’m a coach.

And then hating myself for knowing it wasn’t really the case.
It took me years to take the leap and while looking back I think it happened exactly when it was supposed to…

What means so much to me is what happened at a party I went to last week.
I spoke to someone who said they were a podcast producer. And when I asked more about it, they admitted that actually now they were employed doing something different.

And there wouldn’t be absolutely anything weird about it (sometimes people want change and self-employed world isn’t for everyone) if their energy hasn’t changed when they said it.

They seemed sad. Embarrassed. Disappointed. As if they were a fraud.

They seemed a little bit like me back in the day - wishing, hoping, dreaming…but not doing much about it.

And you know what?

Even though my business is nowhere near where I was planning for it to be at this point, I felt SO good talking about what I do. It was true. Felt right.

I was grateful/ happy/ at peace that in this context I wasn’t the other person (anymore)

So when you think about yourself answering the ‘so what do YOU do?’ question, what comes up? How do you feel about it?

If any part of you feels like you would like to feel better about it, let me know - I would love to help you get there 🧡

Have you ever written to yourself?

Before you stop reading because it is all already too woo-woo for you, hear me out.
Last Friday I had a call with an incredible woman who did one of my programmes almost two years ago.

She told me that back then she wrote a letter to ‘her future self’ - from a year later.
And then she read it every month for a year to make sure she stayed on track.

And now she is in a very different, very exciting place in her life.
There are two things Ive taken away from it.

One - you never know what impact something you say or do is going to have on somebody else’s life.

Something as small as invitation to writing a letter may help somebody make a decision to kickstart a proper change.

And two - I loved it so much, that today on a train to London I wrote my own letter - to Monika from December 2023.

It has a lot of sentences that start with ‘I hope’. And it’s kind. It really is a good letter.

It really helped me see what’s important to me and how much has changed. For the better.

So you probably guessed it already - I would like to invite you to do the same.

If you could say anything, what would you like to say in your letter?

You may be surprised how easily it can flow once you start. And how so much less overwhelmed you may feel afterwards.

Here for you if you want to share your letter or any reflections surrounding it
Happy writing x 💌

‘You are useless’

‘You are not doing what you are supposed to be doing’

These are just a few things my inner critic tells me me as soon as Andy leaves for work.

Yes, him leaving for work every morning is a massive trigger for me.

I think it is because work has always been such big part of my identity and well, a part of me is still conditioned to believe 9-5 is THE way to live.

I used to get myself to this unbearable level of overwhelm. Really quickly.

I would basically believe the voice in my head and feel really horrible (as you would imagine someone who thinks they’re useless could feel!)

And then I tried something - instead of acting as if my inner critic was right, I started saying:
‘I am having a thought that I am useless’
And this felt different.

Nothing makes me remember that thoughts are not facts like this does.
It creates distance for me that’s needed to get myself to a better place. It gives me enough time to admit how crazy this sounds and how it is not a fact- it is just a thought.

So next time you start telling yourself you are something horrible, try switching it to ‘I am having a thought that I am XYZ’

If you are anything like me, it can be a useful tool 🙂

If you want to move forward with your life despite your inner critic telling you you can't, book yourself a FREE call with me to explore how you could do that - I promise you have everything to gain and nothing to lose x

What do ‘BIG things’ look like for you?

The big things you really, really want.

It’s a funny one to answer, because I truly believe the answer depends on where we are in our life.

My BIGs looked like moving countries, going on a first solo trip or starting a business...

Looking back, some of them no longer seem big at all.

What’s BIG for me now is creating the right balance of work, mumming, living and being kind to myself. One that will feel right to me.

I think all the BIGs though (no matter how small they may seem today) are about finding ourselves in the process.

Anyway, I created a short PDF where I put some more thoughts about it all.
It is called:

‘How to make big things happen…especially when you tell yourself you can’t’

If you want a free copy of it, just click on 'send me a message' and I will send you a link to get it

And lastly, one to reflect on - what BIG thing are you most proud of? 🙂
(Meanwhile I am definitely proud of my little family - sometimes I still can't believe Ive allowed myself to be vulnerable enough to have it - means everything)

Love,
Monika x

Last Thursday didn’t go as planned.

You see, there was an annual summit of my coaching school. It was online and I was SO looking forward to it.

It was on a ‘nursery day’ and I was convinced it was all meant to be and the universe obviously wanted me to attend.

I blocked out my diary and sat down at my desk at 8.45am…
Just to pick up a phone call from nursery at 9.20am telling me Henry had high temperature and hadn’t been himself…

I spent an hour (!) on hold to get through to the GP surgery while trying to listen to the key note speaker 😅

Finally logged out, went to pick up Henry and went straight to the doctor’s.
We came home and I realised I had a choice:
🪄I could decide to feel and behave like a victim
🪄Or i could decide to do the best I could with what I had
And thankfully- I chose the latter. Even though the other choice seemed so much easier (!)

We dialled into the talk about coaching and shadow work and it was one of the best talks I have ever heard.
It helped me on a personal level and it added into the tools I know I will be using in my practice.

And Henry? Slept on me the whole time and woke up at the end of it.
The feeling of realising the power of shadow work along with feeling Henry cuddling me - nothing beats that 🙂

All I want you to take away from it is the power of choice.

I had one, you have one too.
Even though last Thursday didn’t go as planned, I have taken away from it everything I needed to.

I know I chose right and I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Next time you start feeling like a victim…see what other option you can choose 🧡

I was never good at taking care of me.
It just seemed like taking care of others was always a better choice and a more obvious thing to do.

I remember choosing to call my mum or check in on a client despite being ridiculously exhausted.
It’s like there was this voice at the back of my head telling me i just HAD TO take care of everyone else regardless of what was going on for me at the time.
Basically, I didn’t really matter.

Giving myself permission to rest or take care of me felt like I was just being lazy and i felt guilty about it.

Funny, right - some think coaches have it all figured out and im here to prove they are still human 😉

You see, things only really started to change once I became a mum to Henry.
I just…I think I realised running on 1% energy not taking care of myself was not just bad for me. It was bad for him,too - i was exhausted, frustrated and definitely not as patient.

Which basically made me see that taking the time to take care of myself was serving him,too.

And ironically, that taking time away from him (to take care of me), was actually serving him,too - because it was making me a happier, more energised parent.
It didn’t happen overnight and i had to work on my self-worth, learning how to receive and delegate..but I’m pleased to say taking care of me comes easier to me these days.

On Tuesday I had a nap in between my sessions and then had a solo glass of wine and a bowl of chips in a local pub before nursery pick up - both were exactly what i needed and I didn’t feel lazy or guilty.

Others are still important to me and i still call my mum and voice note my clients a lot - but the change here is that somewhere in the middle of it i finally honour myself,too.

And i suppose i finally believe that I’m important,too. Thanks, son, for helping me get there 🧡

On a scale of 1-10, how good would you say you are at taking care of yourself without feeling bad about it? 😉

Send me a message or book yourself a free discovery call if you decide it's finally time for YOU. x

I felt like cheering her up had to become my priority.
Last week I went to my favourite nail bar.

The lady doing my nails, usually bubbly and full of energy, seemed very different - quiet, not really willing to make a conversation (despite me trying!)

Now, guess what happened in my head..
I started to think it was my responsibility to fix it and make her feel better.

I even started wondering whether I have done anything that upset her.

I straight away forgot why I came to the nail bar (to have a pampering time!) and I had my mind busy thinking what I could do to fix the situation..

And then I stopped.
I smiled because I realised, yet again, what being a recovering people pleaser may look like.
Exactly like this.

Putting everyone’s needs above my own and making it my mission to fix everything and everyone.

Now, I want to make it clear - a nice, caring person may ask ‘the nail lady’ a question hoping to cheer her up.

But when this doesn’t work, they don’t start questioning themselves.
They don’t feel like it’s their fault.
They don’t forget about themselves and their own needs.
Essentially, people-pleasing feels good… (you feel like you are doing something for someone) until it doesn’t.

It really is just a temporary feeling, because how we feel tends to be tied into the other person’s response. Take me in this situation- I felt bad about myself to the point I didn’t feel I deserved any pampering at all because my attempt to help her out didn’t seem to cheer her up.

Pretty sad/crazy to put it like this, don’t you think?
If any of it resonates, I just want you to know things can change for the better.

Our self-worth doesn’t have to be conditional - we can feel good and worthy just because - not only when we ‘help/fix’ things.

Doesn’t mean one day we won’t slip back into the old conditioning when we are at a nail bar, but hey - it’s all part of the journey😉