Streatham Rovers FC

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Streatham Rovers FC

Non-league side in South London. Proud members of the Xtermin8 Rat Poison Football League Premier Di

31/03/2026

In celebration of the launch of their new Gertrude 3.0 Workflow+ platform we asked tAInt to imagine how differently life for could have turned out if it wasn't for an international judeo-bolshevik conspiracy to make North London sides more successful.

21/03/2026

During today's league game we will be partnering with the Campaign Against Social Media Abuse & Cyberbullying to raise awareness by playing with a special one-off match ball that features just two of the many insults we have received on social media.

07/03/2026

In just under 20minutes the players will emerge from our newly redecorated tunnel for the first time ever. Designed to our squad by recreating a mother's va**na during the childbirth process to reignite long-forgotten emotions such as love, terror and desire.

04/03/2026

Club Statement:

28/02/2026

📷 Kudos to Club Photographer Martin Duncan who captured the exact moment a clearance cannoned off the face of Connor Mackenzie. Potential contender for Wildlife Photo of the Year?

19/01/2025

Yesterday we were visited by Sammy The Sc***um, BALLSistic's brand new mascot to help encourage children to take the potentially fatal dual threat of testicular cancer and men's mental health seriously.

04/01/2025

BRILLIANT ANNOUNCEMENT: We have a bona fide household name CELEBRITY drawing today's Half-Time Meat Raffle. Real stardust is going to be sprinkled on the hallowed turf of the Greyhound Lane Stadium this afternoon. You will NOT want to miss this!

30/11/2024

Today we showed racism the red card 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

16/11/2023

In 1972 Streatham Rovers players (L-R) George Warren, Alan Starbrook and Ron Wyatt posed with Beryl Meeks, the daughter of local butcher Derek Meeks, to advertise the Club's relaunched Half-Time Meat Raffle.

Legend has it that, following a heated exchange, outspoken and colourful former Club owner Arthur Sykes stood next to the photographer and forced the hesitant quartet to to hold the raw meat in their mouths at gunpoint, which of course you wouldn't be allowed to do nowadays... (because of salmonella).

21/06/2023

We will be announcing an incredibly exciting new signing at 7pm this evening.

Set your alarms. You will NOT want to miss the introduction of this player!

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https://bastardosports.bigcartel.com/

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