Yoga with Louise George

Just saw a video on shame and wanted to chime in.

Shame is often understood as something we need to overcome or get rid of - i”hence the **kshame

But I also think shame is often a protective part.

Shame might have learned that making us smaller, more acceptable, less visible, or more critical of ourselves was the safest way to protect us from judgement, rejection, and/or abandonment.

The problem is that a strategy we developed usually as a child to help us to fit in and to belong eventually begins to disconnect us from ourselves.

And then it doesn’t serve us so well anymore.

Shame might be trying to protect us - but it protects us by asking us to hide. And that eventually stops us from living our lives fully and freely….it also takes a LOT of energy!

So I think mid-life is the absolute perfect time to stop hiding and to let shame have a break.

Thanks for starting the conversation 🙏

If you’ve spent years dismissing your own feelings, ignoring your needs, or looking to everyone else for reassurance, getting to a place of self-love can feel almost impossible.

But maybe the first step isn’t loving yourself.
Perhaps it’s validating yourself.

Saying:
“It makes sense that I feel this way.”
“My experience is real.”
“My needs matter too.”

Self-validation helps reduce our feelings of shame and creates a sense of safety within ourselves that is needed for self-compassion to begin to grow.

And from self-compassion comes self-trust and then, over time, self-love.

💛 Self-love doesn’t begin with believing you’re amazing. It begins with believing yourSELF.

Thanks for listening!
I’ll shut up now 🤣

Part 5

What do my sessions with teens with eating problems look like?

Part 4

When a teen is entering a difficult period in their life it’s often the case that the parent is too.

Obviously the priority is on helping the teen to recover from the eating issue but one of the benefits of working together with a teen and their parent is that I can address nervous system dysregulation in both parties, rather than putting all of the focus exclusively on what’s happening with the teen.

This can be very enlightening and creates mutual understanding of their own and each other’s coping.mechanisms.

Recovery from an eating problem like anorexia isn’t just about eating more or just about weight restoration.

Those things do matter enormously, especially in the early stages, but recovery is often about something much bigger.

Many of the young people I work with have become experts in everyone else’s needs.

They’ve learned to keep the peace.
To please.
To adapt.
To avoid being a burden.

And somewhere along the way, they may have lost sight of themselves.

So recovery becomes about more than food.

It’s about identity.

Who am I?
What do I feel?
What do I enjoy?
What do I believe?
What do I need?
Can I say no?
Can I disappoint someone and still be loved?
Can I take up space?

This is one of the reasons I often work with parents and teenagers together, because recovery doesn’t happen in isolation.

When families begin to understand each other’s nervous systems better something will often shift.

It’s a slow process, but alongside recovery, a stronger sense of self gradually begins to emerge.

Many teenagers with eating problems, especially restrictive ones like anorexia, are trying very hard NOT to be difficult.

They’re trying to be easy and to not be a “burden”.

Maybe there’s illness, divorce or stress in the family.

Maybe they’re simply very sensitive and perceptive.

Some children become emotional weather forecasters and become experts in everybody else’s feelings before they even understand their own.

They notice the sighs.
They notice the tension in the room.
They notice Mum’s exhaustion.
They notice Dad’s withdrawal.
They notice that their sibling needs more care or attention.

And so they adapt.

And the child who notices everything often becomes the child who learns not to ask for much. Not to take up too much space. Not to add to the burden.

So the question is often something like:

“How did this particular nervous system adapt to this particular environment?”

My work with teenagers with eating problems has evolved naturally over time to become some of my most interesting and fulfilling work.

Parents often come to me asking me to work with their teenager.

But the work I do is more about focusing on the relationship around the eating disorder.

Because eating problems affect the whole family and recovery happens in relationships too.

In these sessions I’m not taking sides.

I’m not finding fault.

I’m working on building understanding and connection.

And usually what I see are two frightened nervous systems trying to protect each other and accidentally getting stuck in a dangerous cycle.