Jay Kaushal

You have all the time in the world until one day.. you don't.

And I don't mean that in a gloomy or tragic way. I mean it as a literal fact. Apply it how you like to any thing, situation or circumstance or relationship in your life.

One day, you find yourself at the exact moment you had waited for, prepared for braced for all of your life. This could be right at the cusp of starting a new company, going on that Euro tour you always dreamed about, starting your dream job, getting married..

One day it's the last day of your previous life up until that point when suddenly it changes forever and you.. almost unexpectedly.. are asked to change WITH it.

No one prepares for this.

See your mentality often lags behind your actual growth.

Nothing 'wrong' or 'broken' about that. Nothing to 'fix' about this really..

But a great deal of adjustment, acclimatization and optimization that you need to make with it.

The ways you think you'll fall short are often not how you fall short. The ways you always imagined you had 'enough time to fix' are where suddenly life pushes the fast forward button on and brings you face to face with.

Health, age, debt, responsibility.. you name it.

Situations have a funny way of sneaking up on you when you're busy elsewhere.

You're busy keeping your business afloat and when you're finally on top of things, your kids are suddenly all grown up and don't really need you that much anymore. They have their own lives by then.

You're busy focusing on your career and by the time you're finally on top, suddenly starting a family is a challenge you need to wade through. IVF, doctor visits and what not.

You're busy focusing on settling abroad and settling into a new life 4000 miles away from home and suddenly your parents are old and now you feel guilty you can't spend enough time with them.

Almost everybody will be humbled by how fast life moves compared to how fast they thought it would.

There's no 'universal fix' for this.

The only thing that provides some semblance of help.. is the recognition that your time is limited and there's nothing you can do about it.

"Memento Mori" said the Stoics.

"Remember You Must Die". That's the translation for it.

And I must REITERATE I don't mean to remind you of this in a shocking, sad, tragic or reflective even philosophical way.

I merely wish for you to realize that if life is REALLY as limited and FINITE as we all shall ultimately realize in some part of our life in some shape or form.. sooner or later..

Then WHERE IS the TIME to waste on regret, toxicity, fake relationships, mediocre experiences and forlorn duties?

There should be NO room in your life for ANYTHING that robs you of vital energy you need to live at your HIGHEST potential.. to embody your highest EXPRESSION.

NONE. ZILCH. NADA. NYET.

Get me?

And you know why?

Because DOING what YOU want to do..

LIVING as WHO YOU want to live..

is in itself a rare endeavor that only a minuscule lucky minority will ever be able to pull off in a vast sea of mediocre sameness.

That is a full time job requiring constant full time attention.

You can either live FULLY or you can live how everybody else EXPECTS you to live.

I'd bet my money on living fully any day of the week. Not 'fully' as in 'irresponsibly' or 'nonchalantly'.

No. 'Fully' as in fully in ALIGNMENT with one's purpose. As one feels it. Deeply. Unmovably. Unchangeably. Unshakably.

Live like that.

You will still die.

Haha.

But with a lot less regrets.

A lot better memories and lot more fulfillment about this physical experience that we call... life.

In the end, that's the only thing that matters.

Hari Om!

--Jay

"It's not about the destination. It's about the journey."

You must have heard this quote many times from many different people. The depth of meaning encapsulated within can only be discovered however by undertaking a journey yourself.

Undertaking a journey that:

forces you to adapt to the terrain,
compels you to get up when you fall,
forgive yourself when err in judgement

but congratulate yourself only when you have reached the destination.

Many of us have undertaken such journeys in life. If we haven't, we definitely will.

Maybe not towards a grand vision or goal but a journey maybe literally so still the same.

You cannot 'opt out' of struggle in the 'mrityu loka'. That is what defines this loka, this dimensions of existence.

To be here is to be finite. Is to be temporary. Is to be ever evolving, every changing, ever deteriorating, every regenerating.

To be here is to be mortal.

To be mortal is to desire.

To desire is to experience longing.

To experience longing is to experience pain in the pursuit of that.

THAT which sets your heart on fire and your illuminates your essence from within outwards... extending far into the space-time as a series of actions ever propagating.. ever generating ripples long after you're gone.

Any way of living that is short of that, is cheating yourself of everything you can be.

Any excuse or 'responsibility' that stops you, stifles you, prevents you from exercising the right to live how TRULY, is 'maaya'.

The illusion of choice is an illusion say the scriptures. The illusion of a lack of it is an illusion the same.

"Who are you O Partha in an illusionary world if not another illusion?"

"What is the pain of losing illusionary relationships?"

"What is the pleasure of gaining illusionary riches and accolades?"

-Bhagavad Gita

So 'pain' therefore is an illusion just the same.

If the 'pain' of illusionary regret and the 'pain' of illusionary improvement are the same.. why not should you choose..

the pain of improvement?

The pain of being who YOU were meant to be?

The pain of walking YOUR path with grace?

The pain of BECOMING the full version of who you are meant to be?

"All trappings of the world are illusionary O Janaka, and if you see yourself as separate from them, you are. If you see yourself enmeshed you are too."

-Ashtavakra Gita

The only thing that truly matters and defines your existence here my friend, is your devotion to your Dharma and your ability to perform your Karma without distraction or expectation.

What do you feel CALLED to do? DO THAT.

What do you feel CALLED to SERVE? DO THAT.

All trappings are illusionary. Drop your BS. Drop your lame excuses and sob stories and go LIVE in the full grandeur, beauty and pleasure that your soul manifested here to experience.

Death comes faster than we anticipate my friend.

"Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."

-Marcus Aurelius

Hari Om!

--Jay

If this resonated with something deep within you, perhaps your journey has already begun.

You can explore more of my work here:

🔹 Private Counsel:
https://coachkaushal.com/book-a-session-2/

🔹 Webinars & Teachings:
https://coachkaushal.com/rahu-ketu-understanding-the-axis-of-karma/

I don’t know what I was smiling about in this photo. Whatever it was it must have been real though. I know that.

I know that because I’ve looked at a lot of smiles and a lot of photos and I can spot ‘made-up’ and pretentious smiles from a mile and a half.

See life has a strange way of being completely perfect the less you yearn to share all of it out in the open all at once.

Even if ALL of it is grrreatt.. resist that temptation.

I wasn’t always like that. I didn’t always have that wisdom. Thanks to a deccade and a half of toiling for a PhD in problem solving, that’s default state now.

What is?

The state of being happy without having to prove my happiness to the world outside.

It’s not about ‘bad eyes’ or ‘bad luck’ trust me. It’s.. something.. else.. entirely..

I hadn’t anticipated on finding it the way I ended up finding it let me tell you that. It just happened.

One day you wake up and the angle of the sunlight hitting the table through the window as you stir your coffee, one eye on the newspaper.. is enough. Mid sip as you’ve raised your cup to your lips you realize… that was flawless.. wow!

. That was the quietest most perfect consistent 5 mins of my morning.. yet again.. damn! Does it mean what I think it means?

Is ‘this’ what they were writing about and talking about and singing about and painting about? ***This??***

But, how can the ‘missing piece’ be hidden in something as careless and mundane as the angle of sunlight hitting the table and illuminating the entire room for 5 minutes every morning as I just sit.. reading the paper with my coffee?

Then it hits you.

Whatever the hell is your secret formula for happiness doesn’t need to be shared or revealed to anyone else.

All you need to do is learn to keep that flame within you… lit.

No one needs to know what sacred coincidence triggers it every now and then. In fact.. saying it.. out LOUD.. may just lose it..

Like dew drops when they touch your fingers. Floating bubbles when they touch a leaf.

Smiley faces drawn on steamy windows..
‘Just the right amount’ of sugar in your hot chocolate..
A 7 day streak scoring the same parking spot..

No one needs to know what’s the secret to your smile today. Your smile needs to be the consistent appearance that rearranges the world around it.

You don’t need social validation for true smiles. You need just yourself.. by your side.. for it to really count.

As long as you can show up happy with it, it could be the smallest, most unreasonable thing in someone else’s frame of reference… but that doesn’t matter.

That’s because when you start protecting that little piece of joy.. it doesn’t matter where it’s coming from.. it just multiplies.

People who begin learning to find happiness in the smallest of things.. no matter what the circumstance or phase or season of life..

You can bet the universe is going to start sending them much bigger and better things to smile about.. a lot more consistently.

That’s the secret no one tells you.

Happiness doesn’t need a ‘big thing’ to happen.

Happiness IS the BIG thing that happens BEFORE anything else can!

Love,
—Jay

When you’re starting your life you know there’s so much you want to do and so much you want to BE.

Along the way, things begin to happen to you that start taking from you all the things you had unconsciously taken up because society demanded that you do so.

It’s just that the process can often be so difficult to accept that you start thinking this means you are not supposed to have want you dream of.. you don’t deserve to live the way your soul desires.. you are condemned.. to conform.

That your individuality has no place in this world.. that you can only wear masks.. and out of a very litmited assortment at that.. masks that the world approves.

If however, you stay strong through this process of LOSING who you THINK you are.. something else reaches out to you entirely.. to meet you where you’ve refused to budge from.

This is the REAL YOU.

The YOU that YOU weren’t able to see because you weren’t willing to sit with him or her.

The YOU that you DESERVE.

That you that you naturally ARE.

If you can learn to hold on to the essence of what gives meaning to your life..

Trust me, all that you lose in the process, all who you lose in the process.. were in any case.. ‘fluff’. All of it was just extra weight pulling you down and stopping you from blooming into your brilliance.

You don’t rise to ‘show’ them or ‘prove a point’. It’s not a competition of who has more and who is more.

The real flex is STAYING who you TRULY ARE.

Staying who you truly are when everyone around you may well have sold their soul to trade in ‘manageable’ and ‘better looking’ versions of what others allowed them to be.

This doesn’t mean you do so from a place of ego. Oh no not at all.. fighting to retain your authenticity is a war of attrition.

You WIN by emboldening and rooting deeper and deeper into who you are with every loss, every fight.. every little act of letting go..

Because guess what? Who are you if I take away everything you identify yourself with? Who are you if life threads you down to the bare minimum?

You are not just a drop in the ocean.

You are the entire ocean inside a single drop.

Radhe Radhe✨✨

—Jay

Do you ever just sit down and reflect on your life’s journey… just like that.. not necessarily out of sadness or happiness but.. just to ‘slow down’ and ‘center’ yourself?

If you don’t, then you NEED to start doing so.

And this conscious ‘slowing down’ to ‘check-in’ with yourself won’t just work anywhere.

Pick a spot.. or a place.. that has a special ‘meaning’ associated with it that has made you WHO you are.

It can be any place but it has to be away from your usual grind.

And here’s what you have to do when you seat yourself there..

Order your favourite drink. Preferably something non alcoholic and warm. Like a tea, coffee or even warm milk if that works for you.

If you live in a cold place and would prefer something alcoholic, order something warm still but with as low alcoholic content as possible.. maybe something like mulled wine or warm gin tonic.

(The idea is to ensure you are ‘fully conscious’ for the conversation you are going to initiate with yourself. It is important that there be no excess distractions that eating or numbing down under alcohol can often have.)

Next, as you are waiting for your beverage to arrive, open your phone and scroll back to photos, videos or memories on drive or cloud, at least 5 years back.

Then keep going further.

7.. 10.. 15.. go as far as you have data about your life.. pick out emails.. old conversations.. messages.. awards.. disappointments.. struggles.. victories.. landmark events like marriage and childbirth..

Then take a deep breath.

Observe the world around you.
Look at the back of your palm.
Look at your nails, your clothes.

Take a selfie.. look at how you look NOW.

What has changed?

Make a note of things you never noticed changing over the years but quietly changed nevertheless.

Now re scroll back into the timeline and go over your life’s records quickly.

Starting from the oldest recorded memory to the present date.

Now keep your phone on vibrate.
Turned face down.

Over the next 20-30 mins as you quietly savor your beverage, go over the entire timeline.. mentally..

WHAT brought you ‘HERE’ ?

What decisions, actions, beliefs..

Lead you to THIS point.. RIGHT NOW?

What have been unable to pursue even through everything?

What have you sidelined?

What have you ignored?

What have believed falsely that it is time now to release?

What PATTERN do you KEEEP REPEATING in your life?

*** Pause ***

Quietly enjoy your beverage for the next 15 mins.

If the phone rings, answer only if it is someone whose call you HAVE to take. Could be your kids, your spouse.. your mother.. depends on your life..

Answer briefly, ask if something urgent needs your attention. If it does, resolve it. If it can wait 30mins, hang up SWIFTLY and promise to call back in 30mins when this important meeting is over.

It’s NOT a lie. This is the MOST important meeting 99% people refuse to have.. or are incapable of having with themselves..

It’s a strategy meeting with your SELF.

Who else is going to do this if not you?

You’re not a kid, they don’t have parent-teacher meetings anymore!

Your parents and spouse after a while DEPEND on you to keep your *ish together. They can’t have this meeting for you.

Your friends have their own lives and their own problems.

Also, maybe you’re much more ‘successful’ than all your friends and if anything people look upto you and see no need to sit you down and talk about where you’re going and how you got here!

Or you’re the black sheep and no one cares about you.. whatever..

Bottom line is it’s YOU.

YOU have to be the ONE to hold yourself ACCOUNTABLE for analysing and correcting your patterns, habits and rituals..

YOU have to be the one to take responsibility for realizing your dreams.

YOU have to be the one to SHOW your SELF..

“look.. we made it this far and this is what worked.. “

Most people don’t take the time and don’t put in the effort to SHOW UP for themselves with such seriousness.. well no wonder most people live lives that are a joke.

If you’re not serious about yourself and your journey, life will be just that.. a joke..
And trust me.. a very cruel one at that.

The point, ladies and gentlemen.. of these high stakes meeting with yourself.. every now and then..

Is to end them with a singular clarity about where you have grown in strength over the years and where you have weakened.

A simple SWOT analysis like this every now and then will take you further than thousands of hours of mind numbing, self denying ‘effort’.

‘Effort’ alone doesn’t build fulfillment.
‘Perspective’ does.

Effort+Perspective = Constant improvement

And constant improvement is ultimately what helps you level up, transform, transcend and grow beyond all and any boundaries or limitations that hold you back from becoming the best, awesome version of yourself that is not only ‘rewarding’ but DEEPLY FULFILLING.

If you’d like to work with me as your personal holistic coach to help you uncover the most fulfilling version of life that you truly deserve and desire, just DM me & we will set up a ‘Discovery Call’.

Hari Om!✨

—Jay

You know the age old statement: “Measure your progress only against yourself, not others?”

That’s helpful. Very helpful in fact beyond a point when you’ve outgrown the need to explain or justify yourself.

When you become secure and self sufficient, life starts to become a little boring.

Why is that?

That’s because the ‘adventure’ of making a break for the life you want and the person you aspire to be starts fading away as you age slowly steadily into someone who is more than just yourself.

After a while it doesn’t matter what ‘level’ you’re on, your kids need a parent they can count on to be there for them, your spouse needs a full time ‘partner’ they can rely on for emotional support and your friends need a dependable buddy they can ‘switch off’ the daily grind with.

Not to mention your responsibilities towards your parents, in laws and community, team, employees, extended family too at times and siblings and pets and country and neighbours and colleagues… phew!

Beyond a point, your ambitions are YOURS Alone.

EVERYONE in your life just wants you to BE THERE.

That’s important now. That’s important to recognize as the most important ingredient of life.

It’s being PRESENT where you are.

It’s understanding that being present isn’t robbing you of the future, it is what is BUILDING it.

It is what is helping you grow roots in what you’ve already built.

That is why when you evaluate your progress, evaluate it against your own journey not somebody else’s!

Every river etches out its own course.

Every river must.

That’s how the world grows and thrives.

There’s no question of whether or not a river is the longest or the biggest or the deepest..

all rivers nurture, shape and nourish the terrain just the same.

Some rivers run shorter than others because that’s the terrain. That’s how they’re meant to flow.

Others run far and long and wind through mountains and plains and passes and caves.. reducing to a trickle at some points and gigantic bodies of water at others where the shore can’t be seen.

They’re all still rivers just the same and they’re making their way down the mountain flowing effortlessly to where they’re meant to go.

When you look at your life like that.. it will all begin to make sense.. YOU as YOU are can only flow as YOU do!

Your only comparison can be with yourself. Your own journey.

You don’t measure the level of a river against other do you?

No!

You measure it against its own marked levels of summer, winter and monsoon flows..

That’s your life. That’s how you need to measure it.

Any other way is inaccurate and irrelevant to your journey because the primary function you have is to nurture the world around you..

Not to become the strongest, largest most powerful or fierce version of yourself.. but to bring ‘praana’ and ‘Chetna’ through wherever you move.. whoever you’re connected with.. whoever is dependent on you.

In the end we all invariably realise that the true measure of any kind of success or achievement is not what we have been able to take for ourselves to build what we wanted to build.. but what we were able to afford for others to build themselves up into.

Not in an altruistic way.. but in a conscious way of allowing ourselves to BE whoever as much for ourselves as for others.

Sometimes you’re the river. Sometimes you’re the sage.

The point is to allow sufficient stillness into your life to recognize who you need to be in that moment.

Stillness is not the absence of action. Stillness is the quiet consistency of it.

Raging rivers aren’t revered. The deep still ones that others build their lives around are.

Hari Om!

—Jay Kaushal

Healing yourself is difficult.

That's because at every step of the healing process, you are confronted by demons past and you naturally fight to 'avoid' what happened to you earlier.

In time this habit of fighting to 'prevent' what happened in the past leads you to aim lower, believe less and unconsciously restricting your living experience to 'survival mode'.

That's a big problem.

Why is it a 'big' problem?

That's because 'survival mode' will only ever be good enough to do that for you.. aid your 'survival'. That's it.

You wanna 'thrive'.. you wanna be 'euphoric' in the experience of life.. that's how you wanna live and make living MEANINGFUL.

An existence consciously or otherwise devoted to 'just about doing' what helps you avoid your trauma, will never truly allow you to bloom into the vastness of all that you are meant to be.

Problem is most of us don't even realize we are carrying so much 'trauma' from our past.

.Until we run into a recurrent problem or 'pattern' we can't outgrow..

It's then that you are reminded of all that you had wanted your life to be before 'all of that' happened and you changed course to suit security and comfort.

If you are stuck somewhere in life.. doesn't matter how much money you are making or not, how many dreams you have been able to realize or not.. how many cars, houses or even jets you possess or not..

You are stuck there because you haven't been able to 'un-learn' a prior conditioning to 'outgrow' that state.

How will you un-learn that conditioning?

You will do that by embracing the fact that there are many ways to the top of the mountain.. but sometimes some paths are restricted for you only because time doesn't permit it to be so.

You can always revisit whatever it is you once left behind.

It's not 'failure' or going 'back'.

It's 'revisiting'.

You're a fool if you think you have no 'trauma'. Haha

As a child, even the long term emotional impact of losing a teddy bear can be huge given the circumstance.

Let's say that teddy bear was gifted to that child by a grandparent they really loved but who passed away. Let's say the day it was gifted to them was also a special day with even more beautiful memories.. let's say the teddy bear was lost at a time the child's family were changing countries and things were tough...

get my point?

Doesn't matter how loved you are or have been lucky to be in your life.. there's always some hurt in the past that drives your actions.. drives your choices.. drives your likes and dislikes..

If you find yourself stuck anywhere in life.. rewind your thoughts and try to recall what else of that same time you would have liked more of in your life.. is it a hobby? Is it a place? Is it a person?

Whatever it is.. start going back to that and that will be where you discover a completely different side of yourself.. memories.. and thinking patterns you probably unconsciously left behind with everything else.

At every step of life as we heal we realize just how much of life we've wasted overcoming the parting of things, people.. sometimes a part of ourselves..

The beauty is in realizing parts of you can come back. Haha

They can!

You can just pick up old projects, routines, habits and hobbies that worked for you pretty well and start back right where you left off..

That's life. Give it that much freedom and flexibility. You'll love it for it.

You can reconnect with who you were. You can reconnect with versions of yourself that had better health, finances and ideas..

You can CHANNEL that energy to your PRESENT!

All you need to do is to have the courage to
'Try again'.

That's it. That's all you need to do. No questions asked.

You are your best friend.

Best friends never go out of contact or out of touch. They just get busy sometimes and right when life present's the opportunity, they reconnect and live it out like time hasn't passed at all!

If you're stuck somewhere.. anywhere.. just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that.

Tell yourself you're your best friend and you will get yourself out of it no matter how many things you need to try.

Take yourself back to all the things you loved to do.. all the places you loved to visit.. maybe spend time with some friends, acquaintances, colleagues or siblings you loved to spend time with but haven't hung out with in a while.

When you make a sincere effort to go back and find yourself, you will uncover parts of you that you unconsciously suppressed or forgot to heal.

That's where the work is.

Focus on what's still missing.. what's still incomplete and what you need to do to heal it.. just aim..

and take the shot!

You will thank yourself for it.

Love,

Jay

One of the most important things that I have realized over time that gives meaning to what I do and how I live is accepting that there is always someone out there who is better than you.

You can be the best at a few things things but you can't be the best at all things.

It's also really a choice.

What you choose to do and how you choose to do it defines your unique mark on whatever that is.

Someone may be able to provide the same service for much less but not be as good at the 'intensive' experience of that service.

Someone may be able to provide the same product for a much higher durability and reliability but they may not be able to price it within a competitive budget.

It's not really economics at play here but priorities.

What's your priority?

Who do you want to be know as, known for, known by?

What do you want to be associated with your name, your brand, your identity in the world?

I want you to write down all of that on a piece of paper with careful thought put into it.

Then I want you to tear that paper and throw it in the trash.

Why?

Because that's the unique methodology I bring to my clients, to my sessions and to my process.

What is that?

It's the idea that it is important to 'know what you know' and be able to conceptualize it and organize it in a way that makes sense to you..

but beyond that you need to be able to take a turn towards what you've never tried, how you've never thought and who you've never been.

That's how you GROW.

See at every stage you are given a choice.

Do you want a little more of the same or do you want much more of something different?

That's the formula. You can't game the formula.

That's how continents were explored, inventions were brought to life and path breaking scientific research propagated.

When you are working with more and more and more of the 'same'.. beyond a point you begin to slow down because it gets tougher and tougher and tougher to do it in the way you 'think' you need to keep doing it.

When you choose to break away from that pattern however, you are braced with the infinite variety of all that you can be, everything you can try and everyone you can ally with.

Here's why this is not usually the path chosen for growth.

See society and job descriptions and job roles and hierarchy in organizations are all built around people doing what they do, to the best they can do it.

This quite often means pushing the hell out of a saturated model and squeezing the last drop out of an overused formula.

This is why companies that are thriving on their 'cash cows' one day go kaput all of a sudden.

In reality, they have not become redundant all of a sudden. It had been coming for a while. They just chose NOT to 'expand' their 'map' of their world.

This is what we as humans tend to do.

This is our biggest security paradigm: We build these maps of the world that we conveniently distort, delete and enhance information from our everyday lives to justify and fit into.

Why do we do that?

Because it makes life easier.
You are conveniently able to arrange, organize and distribute tasks around time schedules, events, festivals, seasons etc. It makes life easier to navigate.

Now here's the problem: In time the 'learning' mechanism in you brain begins to gather rust.

Why?

Because you get so stuck in your ways of looking at things, doing things and experiencing things even relationships et all that your mind starts resisting new information even if it points to glaring contradictions in your facts and assumptions of the world.

What does that do?

Ultimately it leads to failure and 'breakdown' in some aspect of your life. This forces you to rebuild the map or 'repopulate' it with new events and circumstances/ occurrences.

Sometimes this goes well sometimes it happens in a very painful way such as what happened to the world during COVID and the Sub-prime crisis of 2008.

Ultimately you do navigate it, learn from it and grow from it but not everybody really is able to do so.

Many perish.

Coming back to where we started:

You HAVE to focus on what you want to excel at and what is important to you. However, you need to understand that no matter what you choose, there will always be someone or 'something' better than you at it. (Read AI/robots/computers)

So if there's ONE thing you should consciously choose to become better at everyday: It's becoming better each day at 'learning'.

If you can learn to learn better on a regular basis, there is no stopping you!

You will constantly innovate, predict and outmaneuvere threats, disruptions and roadblocks. You will always stay ahead of the curve and be expand your map of the world.

The world is at your feet then, and not even the sky is your limit because you probably would've figured out a way to settle down on Mars. Lol!

Love,
Jay