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Local Drunkard Doesn’t Care If It’s Monday, Tuesday or Saturday

Residents of Mzansi’s quiet township of KwaMashu say they’ve long given up on trying to figure out what day it is—because according to local legend and part-time philosopher, 53-year-old Bra Shabba, “every day is Friday if your liver is strong enough.”

Eyewitnesses confirm that Shabba can be spotted daily at the corner tavern, confidently ordering a quart of Black Label with the same enthusiasm on a Monday morning as most people reserve for a Friday payday.

When asked whether he ever worries about work or responsibilities, Shabba reportedly laughed so loudly that the shebeen’s electricity tripped. “Work? My boss retrenched me in 2003. Since then, I’ve been self-employed as a consumer of beverages. I don’t need HR, I’ve got BR—Beer Resources.”

Locals say the drunkard’s confusion about the calendar has caused minor inconveniences. Last week, he gatecrashed a funeral thinking it was a wedding (“they were dressed in black, so I thought it was a classy affair,” he explained). On Tuesday, he congratulated school kids for “finishing their exams” even though it was just break time.

Municipal councillor Nomsa Dlamini says she tried to intervene. “We told him it was Monday and people had to go to work, but he simply raised his bottle and shouted: ‘Time is a capitalist scam!’ Honestly, I couldn’t argue with that.”

Experts suggest Shabba may have accidentally stumbled onto the secret of happiness: never distinguishing weekdays from weekends. Psychologists, however, warn that his method involves “catastrophic liver damage, mild hallucinations, and mistaking pigeons for police officers.”

Meanwhile, Shabba remains unfazed. When journalists asked what tomorrow is, he blinked slowly, sipped his quart, and declared with confidence:
“Tomorrow is another chance to be hydrated.”

He’s just here to carry the bags... 🛍️🥔😂

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