Allens Ashburton

Poowife Dairies
It's not very often but sometimes the stars align and I get to share food and time with Pooman AND Pooboy.

They were out on a job together holding hands and checking out some Pigeon poo whilst I was at Woolies getting enough cold and flu stuff to stuff into Pooman to help him s**u oh...I mean feel better. Man Flu...it's real (apparently)... I didn't know the human body could make that much snot 🤢

Anyway, I said let's meet at Taste Cafe. We had heard that they have the cleanest stormwater drains in town 🤣. Didn't check the drains but I had the feeling Pooman really wanted to. A hairy eyeball from me sat his arse down.

Food and drinks ordered from the fabulous selection we found a perch. Chatting amongst ourselves the lovely Ellie brought the coffees over. ☕️ I love people that are creative and like a laugh and she absolutely nailed it. Yes that's a Poo emoji in the coffee 💩, absolutely brilliant 🤣🤣🤣

10/10 for the company, food, s**ts and giggles!! Thanks Rebecca and team! Bloody brilliant 😂😍

Woop woop! The girls played so well this season, so proud of them, especially our daughter in law Sarah! They weren't keen on being call the Pooball Girls for some reason....🤣

A crime has been committed. A crime against my health and wellbeing. The smiling assassin sits beside me. After a night of frivolity, dancing to Jordan Luck at the Tav, and a couple of Shankys (that were forced down my throat....forced I say!) I was looking forward to a leisurely sleep in cradling my poor dehydrated brain.

And then the phone rings. Shhhhhhhhhut that thing up!!! "We've got a job"... ok Batman, can they wait till I'm human again please. "No, it's urgent". Ffs no rest for the wicked or the hungover apparently.

I line the supplements up on the bench. Nutrient Rescue, vitamin C, Liver Detox, anything and everything to help me. Big bowl of granola... Semi human. That will do. Maybe a pie on the way home will help. I'm never drinking again...till next time.

Poowife out.

Poowife Diaries;
No doubt you have all been enjoying the fabulous light show Mother Nature graced us with this morning. Tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the curtains, ripped them open and was taken aback! I quickly located my phone to document this stupendous occasion and share it with my family. Yes we are that cheesy 🧀

Oooo ahhhhh the photos don't do it justice I say.. probably as I'm bumbling along with a 6 year old Samsung. 📱 Pooman is good at making money...and keeping it. Spending it is frowned upon. (I'm sure I can hear his ar****le squeaking when he walks) 🐁

Anyhoo back to the cinematic glory. We all sent our photos, heart emoji overload. Glorious photo after glorious photo! Oh the splendor!
Then Pooman sends his.🤨 Anti climatic, a word he is familiar with 🤣😉 Yes, his is the last photo.. maybe you will have to get up a bitty bit earlier Pooman 🤣🤣

Winner winner!
One happy customer!! Thanks Jane for entering our competition and I hope you enjoy your treat!

Suppose I'll just have to go to the pub with Pooman instead. Hope I get a treat 🤣😉

Poowife Diaries
What a day! Sunshine and s**t, what a combo. Bit nippy on the p**i though. Pooman said i looked like i was going skiing 🤣⛷️ Poo Bunny today. One must be stylish when sucking the s**t.

Rolled out to Rakaia to stir some s**t up. Literally. I was on gate duty and that sucked for a start. You try being 5 foot and climbing in and out of the giant truck. Workout done 💪

Pooman promised it wouldn't smell....well he was full of s**t too. Gagging is my new flex oh and saving lives. Spotted a wee buddy swimming for its life through the turds. I thought..."not on my watch" and got Pooman to scoop him out. Hurrah!

Life saved, drew the line at mouth to beak resuscitation though. Just blew on him. Was alive when we left. . I'm the Pamela Anderson of Poo. 🏊

Back on the tools, sq**rting the turds towards Pooman like my life depended on it. The skill it took not to sq**rt him squarely in the face....willpower was strong today.

What is it with those bloody white hoses..hard to hold on to, and turn off and on. The force nearly sent me over the pond, gloves wet, nearly threw me on my arse...stupid fecking hose.

Home and fed now. Might just lie in the sun like a cat.
Go the ABs. Poowife out.

Well there seems to be a few newbies on the Poo Page, thought we had better reintroduce ourselves! - and yes, we always look this fabulous!

Darryl and Kylie Burrowes have owned and operated Allens Ashburton since 2004, when Josh was a mere toddler and Ella a twinkle in her fathers winkle...oh I mean eye.

We have now evolved to a busy team with 4 trucks on the road and a Chris. We love our Chris and want him to stay forever and no we are not holding him hostage at all...Shhh Chris, get back in the truck.

We have two not so Little S**ts, Josh who is now 24 with a beautiful wife Sarah, and is also our other driver, Josh, not Sarah (her feet don't reach the pedals). Yes we are blackmailing him, it's payback for all the food, power and love we gave him in the early years.

Our other Little S**t is the lovely Ella who is doing a plumbing apprenticeship with Ken Body Plumbing and loving every minute (absolute weirdo - the love of drains and s**t is strong in this family, along with money).

Many of you would have had some encounter with Darryl - aka Pooman. If not, what a treat you are in for! For some strange reason, he seems to be quite popular. Poowife has yet to figure this out...

Pooman has a vast and varied knowledge of drains, poo and septic tanks. Can find a mushroom without even looking, clear a drain in the blink of an eye but manages to lose his wallet and keys multiple times a week. Go figure.

And I'm Poowife. The creative genius (cough cough) behind this page and all the marketing and paying the bills, cooking the meals, doing the washing, invoicing, accounting, driving, everything else basically. Making sure Pooman is fed and watered before he heads out the door each day. Indispensable, fabulous and so under appreciated. (Great being the one that makes up these posts).

So that's us. Our business is your business...think about it. We have been in the s**t for over 20 years and love it! Well, 3 of us do...

Thanks for the support, likes and laughs over the years :)
Poowife out.

🥳ATTENTION GRABBING HEADLINE 🥳

Do you want all your dreams to come true, well maybe not ALL your dreams....This is our genius marketing ploy to get more traffic to our Poo Page! A date with Pooman is up for grabs. Yes you heard that right! In exchange for your tag, like, share and follow our page, you or someone you know will go into the draw to party with Pooman.

You will be treated like Poowife 😂. A night at the local pub, a platter of deep fried goodness, a poke on the pokies (had you going there), a bag of jet planes and maybe a Shankys or two to round the night out. What a dream package. He might even shout you a Shandy or two!

Line up, line up, don't let this one pass you by. Date of your dreams up for grabs.

Or a $200 grocery voucher. Up to you. Like, tag, share till your little hearts content ♥️

May the force be with you ✨️
Will draw this Friday 10 July 2026 - random name generator. Prize cannot be exchanged for cash. :)

Allens Ashburton Locally owned and operated by Darryl and Kylie Burrowes since 2004. Ruralco Suppliers.
Prompt, friendly service. Septic tanks, Effluent Disposal, Drain cleaning and CCTV.

I'd like you all to appreciate my new sheer curtains. Pooman has declared them old fashioned and pointless.
I'll just be over here biting my tongue.....