Cricket From the Couch

The best seat in the house!

Proably a captain obvious take but Jaiswal is a next level talent. A name we will be hearing in the years to come

The last problem that Test Cricket has is the on-field product.

A couple days ago, we had one of the best days of test cricket in recent memory. A one-footed Shamar Joseph near single-handedly bowling the West Indies to a historic win and Tom Hartley snatching a test for England in one of the historically hardest places for away teams to win. This is Test Cricket and this is why we love it. There is simply no substitute for the drama and suspense offered by the longest format.

Despite this truth, you cannot look at cricket media without being inundated by despair at the future of the international game. One day cricket is dead. It hasn't died yet but the ship has sailed for the 50-over game.

After days like the other day, you will see writers and pundits lauding the health of the game. How could the game be in trouble when performances like that can capture the imagination of the cricketing world?

Literally, the last problem faced by Test Cricket is Test Cricket. The game is magical and that is why we love it. That hasn't changed and it won't. As long as there is Test Cricket, we will be captivated by magical, match-winning spells and heroic performances.

The problems Test Cricket faces are off the field. Bilateral series don't make money. Smaller nations don't play enough, and importantly, don't play 'big' teams enough. Players lack the financial incentive to take test cricket seriously. Broadcast rights are tossed around like a hot potato nobody wants.

When people talk about the uncertain future of test cricket, we must remember that the on-field product is the last of cricket issues. Of course, overrates, competitive imbalances, and changing weather conditions around the world aren't ideal,. These are not existential threats to the game as the structural, off-field issues are.

Shamar Joseph for president

I asked Chat GPT for its opinion on an all-time NZ best test match team.

Clearly, there are some differences here. However, I am surprised by how much overlap there is. Going in, I expected a heavy bias towards modern-day players.

If these two teams ever met each other, who do you think would come out on top?

What is the greatest New Zealand test match team?

This is a debate for any followers of New Zealand cricket. Now it is my turn to have a crack at this eternal question. Of course, there are no fixed answers when it comes to these questions.

Please let me know your thoughts down below!

The Parameters

When selecting this team of New Zealand greats, we are considering the overall player. We are not just considering the absolute peaks. For this reason, some notable players have missed out. Players who suffered injury riddled careers or saw only short peaks miss out for players with greater overall record.

1. Glen Turner
I would argue that Glen Turner is the best opening batter NZ has seen in their history. A test average of the better part of 45 in tough conditions and against tough opposition is sublime. A short career of 41 tests is deceiving when you look at it on paper. Had he played in a different era, he may have had a far longer international career. One of only a handful of batters to score 100 first-class centuries shows just how talented the man was. Turners’ ability to control the new ball is unmatched over the course of New Zealand's opening batters.

2. Bert Sutcliffe
Bert Sutcliffe was a batter ahead of his time. A strong opener at a time when that wasn’t a thing in NZ cricket. An average of 25 would have put him up there as one of NZ's best at the time. However, Sutcliffe exceeded these heights with ease. A marvellous player, Sutcliffe was one of the best players NZ produced in its infant years as a test-playing nation. We do not know the heights he may have reached if not for the disruption caused by the Second World War or the unfortunate head knocker he received later.

3. Kane Williamson
If any list of the best test match XI for NZ does not include Kane Williamson at first drop, you should immediately discount it. Not only is Kane Williamson the best number 3 batter NZ has seen, but he is also the best batter for any position. His mid-fifties average is head and shoulders ahead of any other New Zealand batter with even ballpark the amount of runs he has. He burst onto the scene with a hundred on debut and didn’t look back. Part of the ‘fab four’ of top batter in the world, Williamson has been a constant in NZs batting lineup. Williamson is a gorgeous player to watch bat. He bats in the classical high elbow, head over the ball style that tickles any red-ball cricket lover.

4. Martin Crowe (C)
If Kane Williamson is NZ’s greatest batter, Martin Crowe is. His 17 hundreds and 18 fifties are a mammoth feet amongst NZ batters. A controversial figure, Crowe's batting record speaks for itself. There is not a lot that needs to be said for it really. the sheer volume of runs and scores really demonstrate the level he was on.
Not only was Crowe a gifted batter, but his captaincy was revolutionary. The mark he left on the 1992 World Cup via his captaincy helped make cricket what we know today. Opening the bowling with Dipak Patel was otherworldly at the time. In the modern world, people do not think twice about spin bowlers opening the bowling, no matter the format. This started with Crowe. His ‘Cricket Max’ concept never caught on but was a precursor to the behemoth that would become T20 cricket. As a captain and as a leader, Crowe's outlook on the game was revolutionary.

5. Ross Taylor
Now I know, Taylor batted a mere 17 times at number 5 across his 112-test career. However, this is not a like to like comparison list. If Taylor had played in the same era as his mentor Crowe, he would have been perfectly fine as the number 5 batter. Taylor stands at second amongst New Zealand's highest run scorers. This is impressive when we consider the doubt Taylor was faced with. Viewed as nothing more than ‘a dirty slogger’ when he first appeared on the scene, he was not expected to become the red-ball force he did. Taylor's 290 at the WACA is a personal highlight of my cricket-watching career. Given how close he was to Crowe before his passing, it is almost fitting that he joins him with the highest score just shy of 300. An unorthodox red-ball player, Taylor carved himself a name as one of the best batters NZ has seen.
His contributions were not limited to the bat. At first slip, Taylor was as good as they get. A stalwart standing next to the wicketkeeper, Taylor became one of New Zealand’s most accomplished slip fielders there has been.

6. BJ Watling (Wk.)
BJ Watling was one of the most boring players in cricket. Relying on a rock-solid forward defence and a solid leave is never going to be sexy. However, Watling leaned into what he did well and excelled at it. His average of just below 37.52 and a strike rate of 42.61 do not tell the story that was BJ Watling the batter. He would often come in, NZ teetering on the edge of collapse, and save the day like a boring, unsexy version of Superman. He would soak up the pressure, work the odd single off his hip, and allow the in-batters the opportunity to go about their work.
He was also uniquely talented at batting through with the tail.
As a wicketkeeper, Watling was not the most flashy or showy wicketkeeper. However, much like his batting, Watling did what he needed to do. The kind of keeper that, while he may not be flying around one-handed like some others, he would snaffle every single chance he got. Perhaps not the most talented player in the world, Watling’s gift was squeezing every single ounce of performance out of himself.

7. Daniel Vettori
Like the opening batters, New Zealand has not been blessed with any enormous depth of talent when it comes to spin bowlers. New Zealand does not possess the most conducive conditions to spin bowling. Although counter-intuitive, this was what set Vettori apart. Never a big spinner of the ball, Vettori used accuracy and flight and dip to beat batters. A useful skill that allowed Vettori to have success in New Zealand conditions where spin conducive conditions are very rare. Not a strike bowler by any means, Vettori strangled his opponents to death. This skill is particularly useful for our XI here. As we get into the seam bowling ranks, we will see a number of strike bowlers. Strike bowlers, quite notoriously that run the risk of going for runs.
Vettori batting statistics do not leap off the page at first glance. Is number 7 too high for a player who averages 30? Like many bowling first allrounders, Vettori batting didn’t develop until later on in his career. Early on, I would describe Vettori as a useful number 8 or even 9. However, by the end of his career, Vettori was a genuine all-rounder. By no means would he be classed as a NZ great with the bat alone of course. But, especially in this NZ XI, there would be no danger at all of a player of his calibre batting at 7.
Vettori may not be the sexiest cricketer in the XI. A dry bowler who could chip it around does not sound like it would be the most important skillset for an all-time NZ XI. This skillset however is unique in that it raises the floor of this team.

8. Sir Richard Hadlee
Richard Hadlee is not only the most talented swing bowler in NZ’s history, but he is also perhaps one of the most skilful bowlers the world has ever seen. A bowler of Hadlee’s pedigree could nearly single-handedly demolish any opponent. During his career, he was often alone as the only bowler on his team of his level. The use of the swing in favourable conditions meant that there were little opponents could do aside from hope to get lucky.
Hadlee was one of the big four all-rounders of his era, alongside Kapil Dev, Ian Botham, and Imran Khan. I won’t lie to you Hadlee’s inclusion in this group was perhaps the most generous. Arguably the best bowler of the group, Hadlee was by far the worst batter. Given his mastery with the ball, nobody would have batted an eye if he had averaged 5 from number 11. That however was not the cricketer he was. Hadlee’s average of 27 was more than useful for his team. A number 8 that is more than useful and can average high 20’s is the cherry on top of a masterful player.

9. Tim Southee
Tim Southee is a stalwart of New Zealand cricket. Playing for such a long period of time, Southee has grown as the game has grown. Early in his career, Southee relied on the conventional arts of swing and seam. Later on, as the wobble ball revolutionized red ball bowling, Southee brought on the 3/4 scrambled seam delivery. He used this wonderfully to go across the left-handers in particular. Not the kind of bowler that some of the others are, Southee is sure to chip away and go about his work. The lengthy career of the fast bowler means he is one of the best bowlers NZ has seen.
By no means a batter, Southee does at least offer raw power with the bat. If you look to the list of the most test sixes hit, you will see him ahead of the likes of Tendulkar, Viv Richards and AB De Villiers. Not bad company at all!

10. Neil Wagner
Neil Wagner is one of the most influential bowlers of recent times. Not only has he been a valuable part of New Zealand attack, but he has helping in revolutionising quick bowling worldwide. The explosion in the use of the short ball is, in large part, due to Wagner. The use of his ‘body line-lite’ gives a different look to our swing and seam heavy attack. Wagner broke into the national team as a first or second change bowler, who would steam in for over after over after over, who could also make use of any reverse swing there may be. However, his short ball barrage allows him the opportunity to add a string his bow. Wagner’s versatility as a bowler makes him invaluable to this team.

11. Trent Boult
Trent Boult is perhaps one of the best strike bowlers NZ has been blessed with. The image of Boult steaming in on an overcast day 1 and trapping some poor opening batter in front of their stumps is as iconic in my childhood as anything. The left arm seam of Boult gives our attack yet another diverse option. You cannot blame the guy for choosing the money offered by T20 franchise cricket. The shame of it is we may never know where he would have ended up on the list of New Zealand's most successful red ball bowlers. However, the sheer skill he displayed as the spearhead of the New Zealand attack demonstrated just how good he was.
His contributions we not listed to the ball. You could also do worse than having Trent Boult as your number 11. By no means a batter, but he does have a fifty to his name and can hold a bat. In the field, he could throw himself around on a level, not many fast bowlers can. A rounded competitor that would add immense value across the board.

Honourable mentions

If I was to sum up the career of Shane Bond, the words ‘oh what could have been’ would do it. On sheer skill alone, Bond would have been right there with Sir Richard Hadlee in terms of New Zealand’s, and potentially even the worlds greatest bowlers. His 150 kmph in swingers

- Brendon McCullum
B Mac was the kind of player who could single-handedly change a game. An explosive and compact wicketkeeper, McCullum was amongst the first T20 generation of players. This translated across to the test match arena. Particularly towards the end of his career, he would absolutely pulverize attacks. He could however play the traditional test innings. Most notably, his match-saving 302 against India at Wellington in 2014 came off a whopping 559 deliveries.

- Stephen Flemming
Flemming was one of New Zealand’s most prolific batters and most successful captains. The reason I elected to not select one of New Zealand's most prolific scorers was his notorious inability to convert starts into big scores. Of the 55 times he crossed the 50 mark, he was only able to kick on to triple figures nine times. This is not to take away the success Flemming enjoyed. He remains third on the list of New Zealand's leading run scorers which shows his consistency and long career given the lack of big single scores.