Sonya Beyond Performance

It's Father's Day here in the Southern Hemisphere. I'm so grateful to my Dad Colin, and my babies Dad Dan Stamp. Thank you for always being here. No matter the challenge. We love you.

“Heritability of ADHD runs around 74 percent, which puts it among the most easily inherited conditions in all of psychiatry and medicine.”

The World Federation of ADHD International Consensus Statement brought together 80 professionals from 27 countries and examined 208 conclusions from meta-analyses and very large studies.

This is what emerged:

ADHD is highly heritable.
Twin studies, the gold standard for investigating heritability, consistently point in the same direction.

Inherited does not mean broken.
ADHD isn’t something society created.

The traits associated with ADHD, novelty seeking, intense curiosity, divergent thinking, rapid pattern recognition, spontaneity, energy, creativity and hyperfocus, are not defects.

They simply don’t work well with every environment we have constructed.

A child who struggles to sit still for six hours can thrive when they’re moving, building, solving, creating and exploring.

An adult who struggles with repetitive work can come alive when they’re innovating, leading, teaching, performing or responding to the unpredictable.

The very traits that create difficulty in one setting can become extraordinary strengths in another.

After more than 20 years working with adults and young people across different settings, I’ve watched far too many people internalise the message that they are the problem.

Too loud.
Too distracted.
Too emotional.
Too impulsive.
Too intense.
Too much.
Not trying hard enough.

Eventually, they stop asking “What environment allows me to flourish?”

And start asking:

“What’s wrong with me?”
That breaks my heart.
One distinction matters enormously:

Hypervigilance caused by trauma is not ADHD.
A nervous system constantly scanning for danger because of trauma is responding to a different process from an inherited neurodevelopmental difference.

We can understand both without confusing the two.

ADHD isn’t caused by trauma or 'bad parenting'.
It isn’t caused by screens.
It isn’t caused by modern society.
And it isn’t caused by children simply not being disciplined enough.

But society absolutely determines how disabling those inherited differences become.

Some environments punish difference relentlessly.

Others harness it.

Stop asking: "How do we make this person fit?"

Instead ask: “What happens when we stop trying to make people fit a mould they were never designed for?”

Because some of the people we’ve spent years trying to correct, contain and quiet aren’t defective.

They’re different.

And different brains have built extraordinary things.

Stop trying to extinguish the difference.

And there she is! It took a while to see a peek of her but she didn't disappoint. Underneath the moon was a cloud that looked like a woman, lying down, face turned towards the sky. She looked like a picture I painted many moons ago.

Tonight, the moon rises full for the final time before we step across the threshold into spring.
This is the Year of the Fire Horse; a year associated with movement, freedom, courage and the refusal to stay where you have outgrown yourself.
This full moon is an invitation to ask:
What am I ready to stop carrying?
Beliefs that keep you stuck in service and sacrifice?
That your worth is measured by what you do for others.
That you have to be useful to be valuable.
That keeping the peace matters more than telling the truth.
That your dreams can wait.
That wanting more is selfish.
That choosing yourself means letting someone down.
Tonight, write down the stories about yourself that you are ready to leave behind.
At moonrise burn them & watch them rise up in smoke.
Then like a phoenix from the ashes recognise what you choose for yourself.

I used to go to Kirtan with . The first time I felt moved to tears. It was like medicine for the soul. I can't hold a note like him, or play an instrument - but I've often wanted to lead singing to heal others. I sing as part of my job. To honour culture, to guide young people, but I could never really lead that kind of healing. After feeling that breaking open though I needed to find out more... so I looked into church singing, chanting, and various forms. Here's the biology; singing vibrates the mylenated sheath around the vagus nerve, this causes our bodies & minds to release stress & relax. It also encourages the shorter inhale & long exhale that is synonymous with releasing tension. I love some songs best, but explore what suits you. Rebirth by is a winner, as is Stoney Creek by , Hum by & Landslide by
Sing them loud in the shower