01/05/2026
((( 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐋𝐘 𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 )))
My whole life I felt like an alien (still do tbh).
‘In this world but not of it.’ (John 17:14)
When I turned 33, I got to the peak of my suicidal depression. I was then living in London and, mainly due to my sensitive nature and numerous heartbreaks, everything felt quite bleak.
My Achilles tendon had always been women (love) and, according to family members and friends, my fiery, passionate (and often blind) commitment to them proved to be my demise. If you are an ex and reading this: I (genuinely) thank you (for unconsciously forcing me into my-Self). To my future partner, my twin flame, my soulmate, if you’re reading this: may we align in divine timing.
Even though, on the surface, I was fortunate enough to work in internationally renowned Film companies (which is what took me to London in the 1st place – to take my MA in Film Curating (by then, the 1st one worldwide)), it all looked rather pointless.
In the West, when you have depression (deep-pressure (needing) deep-rest) you are a no-longer useful member of society, a cog in the machine. The powers that be will deem you faulty and give you pills. I also took them. This is until I realized that I’d rather feel something (even if pain), as opposed to be (comfortably) numb, a living zombie.
You see, in ancient native communities, symptoms of depression were ‘hailed’. What does one feel? The urge to be alone, to go within, to seclude into a pod. Amidst ‘envy’ (yes, you read that right!). guided by the elders, the members of these communities would support this brother/sister and give him/her space. The point is that a ‘death’ is imminent. Nowadays, in ‘civilized’ (what a joke!) societies, we’re not taught how to deal with this. One’s soul is saying that, that way of living, that character, that identity no longer aligns with its higher path. It’s not the body that needs to die! The caterpillar recedes into a cocoon to become a butterfly. So that you can fly!
…continues in comments.