09/17/2026
"A club hurts the flesh, but evil words hurt the bone." – Chinese Proverb, quoted in Matthew Polly’s “American Shaolin”.
- Matthew Polly, “American Shaolin: Flying Kicks, Buddhist Monks, and the Legend of Iron Crotch; An Odyssey in the New China” (New York, NY: Gotham Books, 2007), np.
BEING SUPPORTIVE
One of my Taiji classmates, who’s a grandfather, finally did the front splits.
I still can’t do them, but I was happy for him. The other students, however, teased him: “Teacher’s pet!” “Show off!” “You’re just trying to make us look bad!”
I really hate that.
Mind you, most of the other students are grandparents too. You would think they’d know better. Or more to the point, I hope they didn’t raise their children and grandchildren that way.
I went to an all-boys high school. It was the worst of male society: competitive, belligerent, and derisive. The faculty was no better. My art teacher regarded a bad painting as an indication of moral failure and lack of will. My French teacher considered anyone who couldn’t become fluent to be lazy (Each time I see a French word, I’m still mentally apologizing to Madame Milliete.) My master was even harsher. I already knew what the reaction was going to be after every attempt: I was no good.
I’ve never treated a child that way. I’ve never treated a student that way. I help and encourage my Taiji classmates. I detest martial arts classes where the senior students mock, bully, and knock down beginning students.
I once read that it takes forty years to get good at Taijiquan. Some of us are still trying. If a person is going to persevere for such a long time, it sure would help for their classmates to be supportive and for the senior students to be nurturing.
Nothing comes for free. Teasing without kindness or affirmation can leave more lasting damage than getting punched and kicked.