Realize Today

Uncertainty is an inevitable component within the gift of transformation. So don’t hold on. There is no need to mold it into certainty. Trust the intelligence, and let it kill you, so that you can fully live.

The cave I most feared to enter was the cave that held my sexual shadow. Repressed desires, internalized self hatred, and a deep feminine loving nature that I feared to express.

I thought embracing this side of myself would compromise my masculinity and make me weak so I looked away from it for years. I kept myself busy with all the other internal work that called my name and avoided this cave at all costs, even though I could feel it beckoning to me.

Eventually, I surrendered to it. Each time I went through a phase of diving deeper into this part of myself, it would be followed by a period of enhanced masculine energy. As I expanded my capacity to hold feminine energy, it naturally expanded my masculine pole as well. We strengthen our masculine pole by embracing who we truly are.

There are few things less masculine than hiding who we are and overcompensating with a phony mask of masculinity because we feel like we’re not enough. This will destroy our masculinity.

Joseph Campbell once said, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek”, and boy did I learn the truth of this quote.

Find your cave and enter it.

What does your animal desire? Are you ashamed of it? Does it make you feel dark and evil? Does it make you feel weak and submissive?

Make peace with these deep animalistic desires that might trigger you. They’re a foundational part of you and they continue to inform you.

This doesn’t mean indulge, but it might.

If you’re rejecting a part of yourself, it will come out and spoil other areas of your life until you deal with it.

DM me your email to get my free sexual shadow integration PDF.

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Reminder to self. 👇

Pedestalizing has crippled me and taught me lessons time and time again. I can fall deeply in love with other humans that seem to be sharing the depths of their hearts. They can sometimes strike a chord in me that can be incredibly inspiring and envigorating.

I mistakenly believe them to be the entirety of what I am loving, but what I may be loving more so is the exchange of energy and intelligence. I attribute the quality of what I am feeling to them, forgetting that it’s just them unveiling the parts of myself that I already love but cannot always see.

If you spot it, you got it.

It is your world.

This poem highlights my experience with an aspect of gender that I’ve been learning how to love and express for precisely 16.5 months.

I’ve been seeking answers to questions, as if the answer would remove the obstacle, hardly noticing the questions had become the obstacles themselves.

What even is gender?
What is gender dysphoria?
What is the role of societal conditioning?
What is the role of hundreds of years of patriarchal domination?
Are we all just genderless eternal beings that sign up to play a temporary role for each of our infinite lifetimes?
Do people get born into the wrong body?
Is fluoride turning the frogs gay?

I don’t know and I don’t care. All I can do is express the totality of me as I bask in the mystery of it all.

***These questions are rhetorical, they are not meant to be answered in the comments***

I hope you enjoyed this, and if you didn’t, I hope it atleast triggered you. 😆

“Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer” -Rainer Maria Rilke

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The funny thing about our experience in this universe is that it is composed of our beliefs. We live in a mental universe. If you’ve never prayed with your whole heart, you likely will never see or experience pronoia.

If you do not believe pronoia is possible, you will not experience it.

If you do believe it’s possible and you are committed to experiencing it, you will undoubtably experience it.

Some might go as far to say that for those that do not believe pronoia exists, they’re 100% right. Because that person is literally existing in a universe that they’ve created with their mind. I might interact with them fo some time, but they’re living in an entirely different world.

I will exist in my universe over here, where I create magic everyday.

1. Create a sacred space where you can practice daily devotion to a power greater than yourself, whatever that means to you. You will meet your maker this way.
2. Pray often. Pray for guidance, support, and signs to align you with the highest good of all. Use your imagination to put yourself in the reality that you are already being divinely guided and you always have been.
3. Go through your days consciously believing and aware that the universe is speaking to you. Talk to a stranger and allow a spontaneous conversation to guide you. Follow the bread crumbs. Say yes more. You create synchronicity and multiply magic this way.
4. Enjoy heaven on earth.

I used to wait for my life to eb and flow so I could perfectly time my significant life changes at a rock bottom point because this was the easiest place to springboard transformation from. I rode the waves of momentum alone and used them to decide the type of life that I was going to have, not realizing my true power.

I write this right now to remind myself. The stories in our head can begin and end in any given moment based on a choice that you decide to make over and over again.

It’s not always easy, but it’s available to us.