Hooping Bliss

Kate Manne changed how misogyny is understood by shifting the focus from feelings to function.

In Down Girl, Manne argues that misogyny is not primarily about individual animosity toward women. It is a social system that polices behavior and enforces hierarchy. When women comply, the system stays quiet. When they resist, speak, or demand equality, punishment follows.
(Source: Kate Manne, Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny, 2017)

This explains a pattern many recognize.

Women are praised when they provide care, deference, and emotional labor. They are attacked when they assert boundaries, ambition, or authority. The backlash is framed as deserved. Tone. Attitude. Likeability. Misogyny activates to restore order.
(Source: Down Girl, chapters on moral economy and entitlement)

Manne’s framework clarifies why misogyny intensifies around moments of progress. As women gain access to power, the policing grows sharper. The goal is not persuasion. It is correction.
(Source: contemporary feminist philosophy analyses citing Manne)

This definition matters because it redirects accountability. If misogyny is a system, then good intentions do not neutralize harm. Institutions, norms, and incentives must change. Otherwise enforcement simply adapts.
(Source: academic reviews of Down Girl)

Manne did not soften the truth. She made it precise.

Misogyny is not about who men hate. It is about which women are punished, when, and why.

If punishment is the signal, not hatred, what behaviors does the system still demand from women?

And who benefits when enforcement is mistaken for opinion instead of power?

So very helpful

My original caption from TikTok 10/15/25: It’s not pointless. It just feels that way because your brain adapts to progress it can’t see. The dishes don’t end but neither does your effort 💪❤️and hopefully you have some help around the house so you don’t have to do it all yourself 🙏🥺 #procrastination #productivity #Science #adhd #executivedysfunction

Mark Hyman, MD

Reminder: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT0u3orEqKx/?igsh=NmZieDI1ZnU5azgz

This is long. And complicated. But Love is complicated. And Relationships are complicated. But I think they're kind of the purpose of life, really, for our primate social selves. At least that's how it feels for me.

I'm currently working through some STUFF, and it is not easy. Nothing feels easy right now, but this is especially hard. And I know I'll survive, but I'm not very hopeful that I'll ever find someone to share a relationship like this. Most people don't want this level of Work, and even fewer are capable. I just keep reminding myself that it's not because I'm unlovable, or too much, or not enough (Even though that's what my inner child believes.) It's just Life: complicated and always challenging.

https://www.facebook.com/share/16xfWqzFGD/

https://www.facebook.com/share/1AYHC9BHXp/

Please try to keep in mind that the friend who reaches out would love to be reached out to.

The friend who does the inviting would love to be invited.

The friend who listens would love to be listened to.

The friend who helps would love to be helped.

The friend who shows up would love to be shown up for.

The friend who initiates things would love if someone would initiate things with them.

The friend who plans would love to have something planned for them.

The friend who compliments would love to be complimented.

The friend who gives would love to be given to.

The friend who makes others a priority would love to be prioritized.

The friend who appreciates would love to be appreciated.

Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone has a limit. Everyone gets exhausted and grows weary of a friendship that isn’t returned, so make sure you are reciprocating.

Be intentional with where you pour and how you pour.

We act like you can’t lose genuine friendship, but absolutely you can. You can lose anything and anyone you don’t nurture.

Everyone in every healthy relationship needs to feel valued.

Make the effort.

Or don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Love,
Amy