Elizabeth Carlin Coaching

What parts of you are wanting to be seen the way you want others to see you?
What parts of you are still seeking proof or evidence of themselves through another person’s perception?

Do you need someone else to see how lovable you are?
Desirable you are?
Fun you are?
Generous you are?
Thoughtful you are?
Capable you are?

Feeling misunderstood, misperceived, or inaccurately represented by another person has been one of the most challenging adult experiences I’ve ever worked with.

At times, the mission to correct another person’s perception of me has been intensely consuming.

“No, that’s not what I meant.
“That’s not who I am.
“If I could just explain it differently, you’d understand me.

But underneath that compulsion lives a fascinating question:

What becomes unstable inside me when you don’t see me the way I see myself…

And even deeper:
What if the person who misunderstands me is showing me the exact place where I still need them to understand me?

This is where rejection has become one of my teachers.

Not because rejection doesn’t hurt.

Not because human beings don’t need belonging, mirroring, intimacy, or being deeply known.

But because another person’s perception of me does not have to become the authority on my relationship with myself.

You are allowed to misunderstand me.
You are allowed to dislike me.
You are allowed to decide that who I am is not for you.

And I can let the feelings that creates move through my very human body without making your acceptance the condition upon which I return home to myself.

I don’t have to abandon my knowing of myself because you cannot see me there.

There is tremendous energy returned to us when we stop campaigning to be correctly perceived.

Energy for discernment.
For creativity.
For relationship.
For pleasure.
For truth.
For becoming increasingly, unapologetically particular.
Increasingly Me.

So yes.
Reject me.
Let me discover whatever part of myself still believes it requires your agreement in order to exist.

Let me meet her.
Let me know her.
Let me bring her home.

And let rejection become an invitation into deeper BEing of Me.

Thank you for rejecting me
so that I can become
even more
Me.

The capacity to experience more life because less energy is being spent trying not to experience oneself.

Avoidance is energetically expensive.

Suppression is expensive.
Chronic indecision is expensive.
Hyper-analysis is expensive.
Being at war with parts of ourselves is expensive.
Continually reaching outside ourselves to stabilize what feels difficult inside is expensive.
Holding incompatible internal positions without ever bringing them into relationship is expensive.

So much of our energy can be consumed by the interior friction of not wanting to experience what we are already experiencing.

Integration doesn’t mean we suddenly have unlimited energy.

It means
less of the energy we do have is consumed by that friction.

More of the organism becomes available.

Available for clarity.
For discernment.
For creativity.
For relationship.
For pleasure.
For play.
For rest.
For grief.
For desire.
For the unexpected.

For whatever life is actually asking us to meet.

This is part of why I care so deeply about increasing our capacity to experience ourselves.

Not so that we can become exceptionally good at tolerating difficult lives. Not so that we can learn to “deal with” everything.

But because increasing our capacity to be with what is increases our capacity to experience the breadth of life.

There is less distance between me and myself.

I am here.

More of me is available for my life.

More Life...
that is the destination.

The wonder of a peaceful morning.

For me, maximizing life (not really a fan of the word maximizing but going with it now!) is not about curating it to never cause me to FEEL.

It’s coming home to the vessel of my body so intimately such that its capacity to experience all of life’s nuance, wildness, richness, challenge, and chaos is expanded.

Increasing our capacity to experience ourselves…
Increasing our capacity to BE IN life…
Increasing our capacity to experience life…

This is what I’m here for.

For me, for the child I am responsible for stewarding in to human BEing-ness, for those I care about and love, for people who feel aligned to work with me.

Is anyone or does anyone know someone who’s northbound en route Portland to Seattle right now?

My car transmission just went out and I’m trying to get a ride the rest of the way to Seattle.