09/15/2026
This week I have an article for you. It's a sequence of three simple tips, but it works wonders for your feel and communication with your horse - and can automatically help you regulate your nervous system.
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How to Develop Better Feel and Timing with Soft Hands
When we become uncertain, concerned, or overly focused (we want to get it right!), tension quietly creeps into our bodies.
It shows up first in places we barely notice: our jaw, shoulders, hands, and fingers.
When our hands and fingers get tight, without us realizing it, our horse feels it through the reins – but we can’t feel them because of the tension.
Then, our horse might get resistant, heavy, and less responsive.
Next, if we feel they’re not with us, we tighten even more. Not a great cycle!
The good news is we can interrupt that sequence with a few simple steps.
1.Start with an exhale and keep gently breathing.
The next time you check in with your hands, and you feel tension, slowly exhale.
Think of your fingers as flexible and receptive, rather than clingy.
As you keep consciously breathing, notice what happens elsewhere in your body.
Your jaw might loosen. Your shoulders may drop. Your elbows might get heavy and stay closer to your sides (instead of sticking out like chicken wings - lol).
Keep gently breathing. Let it be easy, not forced.
Your horse will be thinking, “Yeah! I was waiting for you to come back and be with me!” (-:
2. Soften your fingers.
Soft does not mean you can never be firm. A soft hand has just the right amount of tension and is responsive to the moment.
Your fingers can close (without undue abruptness or tension) when you need to slow down, collect or guide your horse and then loosen again when the horse responds.
This is a wonderful exercise for developing feel.
It can help you grow your ability to notice incremental changes in your horse and respond appropriately with great timing.
3. Focus on feel.
Again, take a comfortable breath in. As you exhale, soften your fingers around the reins.
Gently check in with your jaw, shoulders, elbows and lower back and let go of extra tension in those areas, too.
Now, as your body lets go of unnecessary tightness, notice how you can feel your horse through your seat and your legs.
As you focus on feeling your horse, you can become increasingly aware of and intentional in how you ask your horse for things and how you respond to your horse.
As you continue to practice, I believe you’ll discover several things at once:
You'll become more aware of the amount and speed of the energy needed to extend to your horse's mouth through your hands/reins. You'll become more accurate and intentional.
You'll feel more settled and grounded.
Other parts of your body will begin to move more freely with your horse.
You'll feel smaller changes in your horse sooner, so your communication will become smoother, more effective, and better timed.
Your horse will relax, too.
I'd love to hear what you think. Hit reply and drop a note to me.
