Dr. Gail Gazelle

Oftentimes, we physicians feel like we have to be superhuman. That we always have to have the correct answer, we can’t make mistakes, we always have to be perfect. Heaven forbid, we ever show any emotion!

And yet, underneath the veneer of being a physician, we are human. We don’t always know the correct answer. We sometimes make mistakes. We cannot always attain perfection. And we have feelings.

The more we can give ourselves permission to be human, the less anguish we experience in the moments when our human foibles are present. And the less anguish we experience, the less at risk for burnout we are.

Be a Mindful MD today:
When you’re chastising yourself for any human foibles, remind yourself that you are human too.

I don’t have to tell you that we are a social species, so it shouldn’t surprise you that our psychological health is inextricably linked to our ability to connect with others.

From an evolutionary standpoint, our ancestors' survival depended on banding with others for mutual support in a harsh, dangerous world; for them, lack of connection could truly lead to death. So social affiliation is hardwired into our instincts, and our emotional health is sustained by our bonds with other people.

Yet, it’s a rare relationship that goes perfectly smoothly; bumps occur in all of our important ones. Unfortunately, we learn little about how to manage conflicts and this can leave us hesitant to address difficulties in our relationships with others.

As we age we see how valuable a real friendship is, and how painful it can be when we lose one.
Close relationships require regular investments of love and care. And the good news is that there are simple strategies we can learn.

In my 2020 book, Everyday Resilience, I present a protocol for repairing relationship strains. The most important aspects of the protocol are asking ourselves a few questions:

What’s important to me about this relationship?
How might this challenge look through their eyes?
What do I appreciate about this person?
What will I gain by working through this conflict?

Be a Mindful MD today:
If you have a relationship in need of repair, take the time to ask yourself these questions.

Are you someone who learned how to be kind to yourself?

If you answered “no,” you are far from alone. Most of us never learned how to be as compassionate with ourselves as we are with others. Further, our medical training is much more focused on our shortcomings than our strengths. Unfortunately, this leaves us being harshly critical of ourselves.

The costs of self-criticism are high! When we exclude ourselves by giving compassion to others and not to ourselves, we’re basically telling ourselves that others are worthy of love and compassion, and we are not. This leaves us isolated, another risk factor for burnout.

Be a Mindful MD today:
Today, notice when you’re being critical of yourself. Push yourself to counter self-criticism with a message of self-kindness.

We learn in our training to strive for perfection, that somehow we're a failure if we get anything wrong. On rounds, we see co-residents shamed for not knowing the diagnosis of an obscure disease. We see med students being pimped by an arrogant attending. Perhaps we are the ones subjected to the shaming.

It's easy to think that perfection is necessary. After all, as a physician, of course a lot is at stake. The truth, however, is that perfectionism, by definition, is an unattainable standard. All humans make mistakes. We are all fallible.

Mindful MDs know that striving for perfection only leads to anguish. Unnecessary anguish at that.

Be a Mindful MD today:
Notice when you're striving for perfection. Ask yourself if it's actually the correct goal for that situation.

All of us face challenging tasks, not just at work, or at home as well. We can find ourselves having an enormous long to-do list, and have difficulty getting it all done.

Oftentimes, we try to motivate ourselves by pushing ourselves harder. ‘Nose to the Grindstone’, ‘just get it done’, and ‘everyone else can do this, what’s wrong with me?’ may be messages that we’re all too familiar with.

Modern motivational science helps us here. The self-determination theory is one of the most prominent and well-evidenced series of human motivation. It basically includes three things:
A for autonomy
R for relationship
C for competency

In terms of the last of these three, the more we see our own competency, the more motivated we are to move ahead with whatever challenging tasks we have to get done.

Be a Mindful MD today:
Today, reverse your usual pattern and try motivating yourself by focusing on your strengths.

Starting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?

Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?

When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found; carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life–

What can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?

- William Stafford

A surprising number of us grew up in family circumstances that were less than perfect. Economic distress. Alcoholism or mental health issues in a parent. A differently-abled sibling. Frequent moves to new school systems. Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.

When that is us, it's easy to start thinking that we are the only ones. That somehow all of our colleagues grew up in loving, supportive families where they were well cared for and encouraged in their career pursuits. That somehow we are different than others.

Having grown up in a highly abusive family, I know for myself just how long I carried this storyline. And I know now that it did little to serve me. In fact, it created more separation from others than the opposite, reinforcing the separation my childhood created.

I know now that everyone struggles and while others can look completely together, I can never know what difficulties they have faced in their lives.

Be a Mindful MD today:
Pay attention to your mental stories, especially ones about your wounds. Remind yourself that you can never truly know what the life journey others have walked.

Trees stand tall and withstand many things—storms, droughts, floods. Sidewalks cover their roots. Teenagers carve initials into their bark.

Yet, trees endure. They bend in fierce winds, yet do not break. Even when old and damaged by the ravages of time, trees will grow new leaves. You can lean against a tree, even a young one, and it will bear your weight.

Trees remind us that there’s amazing strength and beauty in nature, often right outside our door. A strength that may require a little attention, but is always present. A beauty that is unique and somewhat magical. A presence that we so often take for granted, yet part of the landscape we see each and every day.

Something as simple and natural as a tree can serve as an important reminder.

Be a Mindful MD today:
Today, can you allow a tree to be your teacher?