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"I don’t wanna grow in a world of pain, I just want to see you again"

That's what I sang to my beloved, my eternal spirit girlfriend, in my dream today. I liked the song so much that I woke myself up to remember and record it. I'll have fun expanding the melody soon, as I have for many of my guitar songs based on dreams.

Some dream details are very interesting and instructive to share. I was working at a computer desk on an old product I made in my 40's called PicoSearch. It was a site search tool to help you find things on your own website. I always liked that symbolism of helping people search themselves, and it was a happy time in my computer career.

I realized in the dream that I was older and our company no longer supported that product. I got excited to tell my boss let's sell the business, someone else will want it. Maybe he'll share some of the proceeds with me.

Then I'm standing to the right of my seat, and without looking I can feel that my recurring dream spirit girlfriend is sitting where I was. I look up past the computer and see behind it is a green field outdoors. I see me approaching the desk to sing a love song to my/our girlfriend.

Objective me sings a rap melody that none of us really like. He says let me try another rap song and backs up. I think that's not going to be any better, since the violent associations of rap upset us. He approaches again and sings now in a country western style that fits with our childhood good memories. He sings:

"I don't wanna grow up
in a world of pain.
I just want to
see you again."

Now we're all happy and I wake up to record the melody.

What's interesting is that I soon felt it works better to change "grow up" to just "grow". And when I make that change, I remember that when I was growing up in college, I wrote a tragic love song in which I saw my perfect partner girlfriend from a distance, but then as we ran to each other the bombs fell starting WW3.

I satirically, bitterly, called that song a romantic comedy and made a music video for my college art class. I was 21 and no longer believed in the promise of technology to save humanity. I was at MIT to study AI because in fourth grade my spirit guide told me to make a computer talk to me to get my best friend. That was decades before the current AI craze, so I was ahead of my time in both studying AI and then rejecting it as what saves the world. Love saves us, the soul saves us. I got a degree for the day job, but my focus was on humanities and writing electronic music to express my wounded spirit.

My spirit was wounded because the year before I had visited Munich to see my college girlfriend Sherry who was on a German studies year abroad. I had emotional flashbacks there, it was intense. I recognized parts of the city and I knew my way around some of Munich university. Sherry invited me into her class to see a documentary on the White Rose, the student resistance movement that distributed information about the rise of fascism. The N***s caught and shot the leaders Sophie Scholl, her brother Hans and their friend Christoph. Americans may not know their names, but the White Rose are legends of courage in their home country

Sophie famously said on the day of her ex*****on, "It is such a splendid sunny day and I have to go, but what does my death matter, if through us, thousands of people are awakened and stirred to action?"

I cried then and I cry now. Later in my 30's when I started remembering and believing in past lives, I had recurring dreams of hiding from the N***s to meet the White Rose at night in the library basement, to tell them what I knew. I had by then already quit my teaching position and joined the Munich underground where I met a young man named Michael Ende. Some of you may know him as the author of The NeverEnding Story which debuted in Munich in 1984. I was there to see the first screenings of this world famous fable of the soul, and I cried plenty more.

I don't know the name of my lifetime then for certain, but I call her/us Berthe after Berthold Brecht, a college hero for me. She survived the war but knew many who were killed, including people I have met and instantly loved in my current life.

So when I came back deeply affected from Munich in 1984, I desperately needed a model for the split in my humanity. How could some people do such horrific hateful deeds? Sherry and I had visited Nuremburg and nearby Dachau. I remember the signs "Krieg nie wieder", war never again.

To help me Sherry shared what German author Max Frisch said of the divided German consciousness. "Powerless spirit, spiritless power". So I allied with the side of powerless spirit, and that became the name for my music projects. Here is my college video in the style of German Expression and the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, which prefigured the sleepwalking of the German people into fascist horror. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhrwtQa1hF4

Today I've worked through the many more flashbacks that 2016 triggered here in my disunited United States. It was inconceivable that the nation which rose to world leadership from having helped Europe defeat the N***s in WW2 would later see its own fascists rise and threaten WW3.

Thank goodness my soul prepared me so well. I teach reality creation now with my soul family, so those who don't want to die can leave the dead-end world of WW3 and reach the paradise of the predestined parallel Earths where our beloveds call and sing us home. Jesus taught the multiverse. "Let the dead bury the dead, come follow me now", for "unless you be like little children you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven" which is where "The meek shall inherit the Earth"

So today all of this flooded back from my inner adolescent with his heartfelt song. I was happy to reassure him that together we are powerful spirit, as we are free to leave the powerless spiritless ones to their own freewill choices. We are grown up so we can continue to grow, as we see our beloved again and again in lucid dreams.

In bed with my beloved in one lucid dream - so happy and alive to be together whatever the reality - I asked her. "We always know each other and yet we can look a little different every time. What are we?" She replied as she often does with a symbolic ritual. She turned to announce into a vintage microphone, "The silver dollar giveaway will begin in 15 minutes." This is a recurring theme, as she says we are the ones who give silver dollars to the poor and homeless. Silver is Earthly truth, gold is heavenly. Dollar is the wholeness of that truth. The number 15 comes up a lot.

As Dr. Michael Newton discovered in his groundbreaking life between lives interviews with past-life regressed subjects, we don't incarnate with all of our energy. Most of us stays above/behind in the world of dreams and afterlife energy, to guide us through this most challenging Earth school that we chose to learn reality creation.

But take heart for the lessons are finite, and you graduate a little more every time that you choose love.

"I don't wanna grow in a world of pain,
I just want to see you again."

best wishes,
Carl Johann Schroeder
Inner Selves Mastery
spiritual teaching and coaching
www.SignupISM.com quick links to free newsletter, meetups, videos and more

IMAGE: "Never again is now" sign at 2023 Berlin demonstration remembering the N**i pogroms of 85 years prior. Thanks to The Guardian, the great independent British news organization that fearlessly reports on the continuing existence of fascism and how to recognize its mark

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY! We are all remembered now in time to ascend. You are never forgotten by the biggest Love.

Below is my summary to my Sunday class yesterday on the ascension process. No AI was used for this; I would not skip my own opportunity to expand my consciousness. I wrote this late into Memorial Day morning. Then I went to sleep happy and woke from an anxious dream that resolved with the most wonderful happy ending.

So first the dream: I dreamt that a bunch of us were moving into a new company that just hired us. Somehow it was outside on a hill with a stream beside our moving boxes. I worried if there was any more rain the stream would flood and everything would be ruined.

That’s an image for worrying that I can’t handle more emotions, but I can. Coworkers said it’s all going to be okay. A group of us were then taken by the most wonderful familiar CEO up in an elevator to his new glass wall office. He showed me how to hang on like in the Buddhist parable of the man hanging by a tree root on a cliff. The man ignores the illusionary dangers to focus on the beauty of a tiny cliff flower.

Then the CEO’s wife joined us with their baby who would grow up knowing only the good life of this new company. I realized with other coworkers that I was never forgotten, that I’ve been given this new fabulous secure opportunity just in time, and everything was always planned for. I woke up so amazed at the contrast with human life where we don’t see the love and it’s so easy to forget that through it all Spirit is calling us to be at home in the world.

So I wanted to share with you and grow the knowing of a plan that our human mind cannot yet fully understand. I was reminded of my joyful gratitude for the many miracles of my life that have gotten me this far, and then I reread the meetup notes below. Now with tears in my eyes and my aching bewildered hopeful expanding heart I typed this out for you.

Have a wonderful Memorial Day! Remember more of the love that remembers you.

NOTES on “Astral Heaven is Here! How to Live from the Real World of Love” Sunday May 24, 2026

Thank you for joining me for this transformative topic! I'm really celebrating how different life is when the seat of our consciousness is fully shifted to the spiritual world, as I decided to do on April 28. I simply had enough of the pain of separation and I knew it was no longer necessary from all the false negative beliefs I've identified and switched out of to positive beliefs.

This is ascension after years of progressive enlightenment, which is an ongoing process after all. Everyone is different so of course it's not about any kind of superiority. The only one I'm superior to is my own old false painful lifestyle. I'm simply not triggered like I used to be. For example, I used to really crash emotionally after the high of doing a Sunday meeting. I had negative thoughts of how bad I did that tormented me, and I would beg my soul family to help me up again. After years of healing steps, this year I've been feeling the wonder and joy of my soul family around me more after each meeting.

After today's meeting, I heard my favorite old negative thought that I'm not wanted enough to ever be successful, and my human self started feeling bad. I jumped in to say hey to my human, we love the group who showed up (I always appreciate you all so much!) and together we were perfect for today, no regrets needed. When you truly feel good enough then you will always feel secure and the Universe can give you everything you need to grow in divine timing.

Then I had lunch outside and tuned into my astral teacher self, who explained how we took on the false belief of feeling unwanted to learn to feel more wanted AND so we could be a better teacher who helps people who feel unwanted come home to astral heaven. In the real world of spiritual energy, I am a completely successful teacher at an astral college where you're all students. I've had recurring dreams for decades of this real identity, the trick was being done with false painful separation beliefs enough to be fully from there and return there fully.

Here's a short video I did recently on the astral college. I started making shorts this year to be more power-packed and accessible. Some shorts get a lot of views (max 1.8k so far), but this got very few probably because it's a bit overwhelming. If you can, give it a like and subscribe:
Reality is AI simulation, I've Seen It!
https://youtube.com/shorts/YOHJkDBRLF8

So rest assured all those years of shadow work will pay off for you! Keep clearing the blockages to get done with wrestling demons, dark nights of the soul, growing pains, ups and downs, etc. This shift is pretty recent for me so I'm still getting a perspective on how it worked. Most of you have seen me talk about process, with the steps of going into a situation, getting what you came for, turning around and going back out again. In terms of decades, childhood is going into the first half of process, with stages of infant, toddler, child, and early teens. The turning point of finding the self is in adolescent late teens, that's why it's such a tumultuous time for many with illnesses arising such as male schizophrenia (female schizophrenia usually starts in another ten years). Late adolescence into adulthood is the second half of process when we need to build our own life.

No worries, nobody's perfect and you don't have to be! You're always doing better than you know because the negative beliefs are defining everything as a failure. Just keep doing your best with good intentions and the false painful ideas about you will clear up in steps. Healing doesn't have to take time, it takes steps of consciously improving your choices and beliefs. People get stuck when they stop and wait for rescue in their favorite unhappy emotional state. Keep feeling it to heal it, and ask for guidance to better beliefs and actions to ground your progress.

best wishes,
Carl Johann Schroeder
Inner Selves Mastery
spiritual teaching and coaching
www.SignupISM.com quick links to free newsletter, classes, videos, more