Sports Time Machine

BILLY J. … My neighbor Beth slept on her husband’s side of the bed last night. She wanted to figure out why you can’t hear the baby crying from that side?

BILLY J. … I never really cared for cliffhanger kind of TV shows? They were always like….

BILLY J. … Remember those cool dogs that were sitting around a table playing poker? I’ll bet they’re all by themselves now playing on some APP. That makes me sad.

BILLY J. … Well? The smoke is all gone! Is Canada still up there?

BILLY J. … Hmmmm? I would say business is going well. In 1995 Jeff Bezos began selling books online when he officially launched Amazon.com from his garage in Seattle. … In 2026 he’s experiencing some setbacks with his Space Program.

BILLY J. … Sad baseball news. The best pitcher for the Savannah Bananas tore a ligament in his right arm and will need Tommy Bahama surgery.

BILLY J. … Salad BAD! Pizza GOOD! Lord almighty, I’ve been training for this my ENTIRE life!

BILLY J. … People would pay more attention if car alarms, when they go off, played ice cream truck music!

Genie: “And for your third and final wish?”
Me: (After slamming down my fork and finishing my second HUGE piece of a Johnnie’s birthday cake.) “TAKE A WILD GUESS GENIE BOY!”

BILLY J. … GOOD NEWS! The diarrhea problem is NOT caused by lettuce! It’s hereditary! It runs in your genes!