Funderful Experiences

Do the people you love know what you love about them?

I’ve been thinking about how many lovely things we say about people when they’re not in the room.

“She’s such a good friend.”

“He has the biggest heart.”

“She always knows how to make me laugh.”

We tell our spouse. Another friend. The person sitting next to us.

And it occurred to me: Are we as good at saying these things when the person is actually in the room?

Apparently, we’re perfectly comfortable giving someone a five-star review to everyone except the person being reviewed. 😂

Of course, “I love you” and “I appreciate you” matter. But there’s something different about hearing: “You always know how to make me laugh when I’m taking myself too seriously.”

“I love how you make people feel included.”

“You’re the person I can call without having to explain the whole backstory.”

That doesn’t just say I care about you. It says I see you. I notice who you are. And this particular thing about you matters to me.

So here’s a little challenge: Think of someone you care about and one specific thing you appreciate about them.

Then tell them. Text it. Call them. Say it over coffee. Tell your partner tonight. No birthday, anniversary, or Hallmark card required.

The people we love shouldn’t have to guess what they mean to us.

What’s something someone once said about you that you’ve never forgotten?

I've been thinking about how often we talk about wanting more connection without really thinking about what kind of connection we're actually looking for.

I've realized that I don't have a ton of free time for socializing, and I also need a fair amount of downtime. I love people, but I equally love being home in my comfy clothes with nowhere I have to be. 😊

So when I do choose to spend my time socially, I'm pretty selective. I'd rather spend time with people I can have a really good conversation with, or connect over something we both genuinely enjoy doing, than have a calendar full of social plans just for the sake of being busy.

But that's me.

I know people who are happiest with a packed social calendar, lots of activities, different groups of people, casual get-togethers, and always something coming up. They genuinely get energy from that.

I know others who would happily spend most of their free time alone and have no desire for a huge social circle. But give them one person they really enjoy and a couple of uninterrupted hours together, and they're perfectly happy.

Some people love connecting through shared interests like hiking, mahjong, pickleball, books, volunteering, whatever it might be. Others care less about what they're doing and more about who they're doing it with.

Some want a handful of very close relationships. Others enjoy having lots of different people in their lives.

And, of course, most of us probably aren't entirely one thing or another.

None of these is better. But I do think it's useful to know which one is you.

Because if what you really want is a few close relationships, adding more and more casual social plans probably isn't going to leave you feeling satisfied.

And if you love variety, activity, and meeting new people, trying to force yourself into a tiny social circle may not feel like enough.

Sometimes the question isn't “Do I have enough people in my life?”
Maybe it's “Am I spending my social time in ways that actually feel good to me?”

I'm curious, what have you figured out about yourself? What kind of social life feels best to you?

Are you easy to get to know?

I’ve been thinking about this question lately, and it’s a little more uncomfortable than asking whether other people are friendly, interesting, or good at conversation.

Because you can be warm, friendly, and genuinely interested in other people...and still be surprisingly hard to know.

Someone asks, “How was your weekend?”

“Good! How was yours?”

“Good!”

Well, we certainly learned a lot about each other. 😂

Here’s what I’ve realized: Being curious about other people is only half of connection. We also have to give people something to get curious about.

An opinion. A story. Something you’re excited about. Something that made you laugh. One little detail instead of the automatic answer.

Think of those details as threads. When you offer one, you give the other person something to pick up. And when someone offers you one? Pick it up. Ask another question. See where it goes.

You don’t have to overshare. You don’t have to become more outgoing. And every conversation certainly doesn’t need to become profound.

Just make yourself a little easier to know. Because genuine connection isn’t something another person creates for us.

We create it together.

So I’m curious: Do you think you’re easy to get to know?

https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/article/2024/jun/14/what-is-social-health

What is social health? The little-known idea that could make all the difference Research has proven that social health – wellbeing that comes from connection – is as essential as food and water, but it is vastly underappreciated

Thirty years.

That's how long it's been since I walked into a group fitness class.

Back in the day, I actually taught step aerobics (yes... think leg warmers, Reebok high tops, and big hair 😄). I loved it.

Then life happened.

Recently, I watched Physical on Apple TV, a show about the rise of aerobics in the '80s, and it stirred something in me. It reminded me how much joy I used to find in moving to music.

I started looking for step aerobics, but apparently it's become extinct. 😂

Then I discovered a Jazzercise studio just a few minutes from home and decided to give it a try, even though I'd never taken a Jazzercise class before.

I absolutely love it.

For someone who doesn't really enjoy exercising just to exercise, it's perfect. Great music, fun choreography, and before I know it, I've gotten a workout without even realizing it.

One thing I've learned over the past few years is that some of the best experiences come from being willing to try something new... or rediscover something you once loved.

You never know what might bring a little more joy into your life.

Have you rediscovered an old passion lately? I'd love to hear what it was.

One year ago I hit send on my very first 𝘜𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘵. I had no idea where it would lead. I only knew I felt called to write honestly about life, connection, courage, and all the messy, beautiful growth that happens in between.

What I didn't expect was how much writing it would change me. I've learned that growth rarely looks the way you think it will. It doesn't arrive as confidence or certainty. It arrives as a willingness to do the scary thing. To show up before you feel ready. To let yourself be seen.

One year in, I'm more at home in my own skin than I was when I started. Not because I have it all figured out. Because I kept going anyway.

If any of that resonates, 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘜𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘵 lands in your inbox every week. You can subscribe here: https://www.funderfulexperiences.com/get-the-uplift/

This week, try something small. The next time you're with someone, ask them one question you genuinely don't know the answer to. Not "How's work?" or "How are the kids?" Something that requires them to actually think. Then stop talking.

Listen to the whole answer before you respond. Don't compose your reply while they're still speaking. Just listen.

That's it.

It sounds simple. It isn't.

Most of us are so busy thinking about what we want to say next that we miss what's actually being said. But when you do this, the other person feels it. The conversation goes somewhere real.

Try it once. Then tell me what happened.