Darrick Mitchell.

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SKOLL’NN

The Bears fan next door is STILL out there w**d whipping in flip-flops with absolutely no concern for setting a proper NFC North example. 😭

But now we’ve got a new problem…

Apparently Lions fans are stopping to stare.

My guy was literally walking by with his Packers fan girlfriend and got caught looking back like the Bears lawn care show is the hottest attraction in the NFC North. 😂

The Packers fan looks annoyed.

The Lions fan looks distracted.

The Bears fan is still acting like she’s in first place.

Meanwhile I’m just trying to figure out if she’s crossed my property line yet.

At this point, I’m beginning to wonder if the Bears fan is becoming a neighborhood distraction and if the Lions fan should be paying more attention to his girlfriend than the lawn maintenance next door. 🤣

Us Vikings fans are just trying to maintain property values and basic NFC North standards around here.

SKOLL’NN at its finest. 🍿😂

Let's recap a crazy Monday in the NFL:

🏈 Myles Garrett traded to the Minnesota Vikings for JJ McCarthy and picks
🏈 AJ Brown traded to the Patriots for a '28 1st + '27 5th
🏈 Odell Beckham Jr. returns to the NY Giants
🏈 Jared Goff retires from the NFL, joining CBS Sports as an analyst

The NFL never sleeps 🤯

Visualize your highest self and start showing up as that person.

New Apple Air Max Head phones

Early Bday present to my self!

Keep SKOLL’NN

Just when I thought I was finally getting a break from Detroit Lions fans… the universe goes and gives me a Chicago Bears fan neighbor. 😭

Today I look outside and she’s out there mowing her lawn in flip-flops, no safety glasses, no hearing protection, and absolutely zero concern for OSHA regulations.

How is this setting a good example for the neighborhood?! 🤦‍♂️

At this point, it’s days like this that make me wish I was on the HOA board. The city never returns my calls when I complain about Detroit, and now I’m gonna have to start filing reports on Chicago too.

Serious question…

Is mowing your lawn in flip-flops with no safety glasses just normal Bears fan behavior, or is my neighborhood simply becoming the NFC North’s official safety hazard zone?

First the Lions…
Now the Bears…

Meanwhile us Vikings fans are just trying to maintain property values and survive out here. 😂

SKOLL’NN at its finest

The slap sounded small in that kitchen, which somehow made it worse.

Not movie-loud. Not dramatic. Just skin against skin over the hiss of running water and the smell of dishes piled in the sink.

I stood there wearing a purple Vikings hoodie while my brother-in-law—a lifelong Detroit Lions fan—stared at me like I’d personally stolen his playoff hopes.

For one second, I thanked God my twin sister wasn’t standing there.

Because she’s a Bears fan.

And nobody deserves that.

The whole NFC North family had gathered for Sunday dinner. My sister was locked safely in the living room arguing with a Packers fan about how many Super Bowls happened before color television. A Lions fan was pacing around the kitchen explaining how “this is finally their year” for the 68th straight year.

Then it happened.

The Lions fan looked at my Vikings hoodie.

He looked at the TV replaying old NFC North highlights.

Then he slapped me on the shoulder and said:

“At least we’ve been to a Super Bowl.”

The kitchen went silent.

The Packers fan stopped talking.

The Bears fan stopped talking.

Even the dishwasher sounded uncomfortable.

For one ugly heartbeat, the old Viking in me woke up.

The part that wanted to remind him the Lions are still searching for their first Super Bowl appearance like it’s a missing person case.

But I stayed calm.

Control means rage walks into the room and you make it wait by the door.

Then the Lions fan took another step forward.

“Also,” he said, “J.J. McCarthy is overrated.”

The Packers fan gasped.

The Bears fan dropped a fork.

Somewhere in the distance, a bald eagle cried.

I slowly turned off the sink.

“Do that again,” I said.

My voice didn’t sound friendly.

The Lions fan froze.

For the first time all night, he looked nervous.

Then headlights flashed through the kitchen window.

Everyone turned.

A car door opened.

The Vikings fan reinforcement had arrived.

Out stepped a guy wearing a purple jersey, Viking helmet, and sunglasses.

The Lions fan immediately pointed at the window.

“THAT’S HIM!”

The Bears fan sighed.

The Packers fan rolled his eyes.

And the Vikings fan simply smiled and said:

“Relax. I’m just here to check if Detroit found that Super Bowl appearance yet.”

The room exploded.

The Lions fan left.

The Bears fan started talking about next year.

The Packers fan started talking about 2010.

And the Vikings fan stood at the sink wondering how three fanbases could spend so much time letting Minnesota live rent free in their heads.