Aviva Klein Parent Coach

Our teenagers often seem so angry and we don’t know how to help them.

Start looking beneath the behaviors to understand their emotions and feelings.

Anger is typically a surface expression.

What is hiding underneath? Stress? Fear? Shame? Resentment? Exhaustion? Lonliness? Hurt? Disappointment?

Let’s be curious and listen to your teen, connect and support your teen, and show your unconditional love. (Your teen may be in a place that they don’t feel lovable).

Credit: The Gottman Institute

Your teen wants to chat and connect at night when you’re exhausted from the day. Lisa Damour, one of the most insightful psychologist for teenagers, explains why your tween and teen chooses the most inconvenient time and why we should push ourselves to stay awake for these late night talks.

Advice | Teens open up at night. Parents should embrace that. Our teens may not talk much to us during the day. But at night, it's a different story.

*The Power of Parents*

As parents, we have the biggest impact. Even with big anxiety feelings, the way we handle our tween and teen’s BIG feelings are teachable moments. Are we showing our teens to run away from anxiety ( because it’s too overwhelming to experience for us and for them)? Or are we showing our teens that anxiety is just a feeling that comes and goes throughout our lives and it can be dealt with?
Our teenagers are learning from us. Let’s provide our teens with the right perspective and tools.

*The Power of Parents*

Aviva-

The temptation to lift our kiddos out of the way of anxiety can be spectacular. Here's the rub though - avoidance has a powerful way of teaching them that the only way to feel safe is to avoid. This makes sense, but it can shrink their world.

We also don't want to go the other way, and meet their anxiety by telling them there's nothing to worry about. They won't believe it anyway. The option is to ride the wave with them. Breathe, be still, and stay in the moment so they can find their way there too.

This is hard - an anxious brain will haul them into the future and try to buddy them up with plenty of 'what-ifs' - the raging fuel for anxiety. Let them know you get it, that you see them, and that you know they can do this. They won't buy it straight away, and that's okay. The brain learns from experience, so the more they are brave, the more they are brave - and we know they are brave.

My coaching approach:

What?
The change you want for your teen’s behavior starts with YOU.

How?
As you begin to verbally express and appreciate your teen’s behaviors.

Why?
The old cycle of fighting and control are dismissed. Your teen wants to hear your heartfelt appreciation and feel connected to you, valued, and understood.

Who?
You become the PARENT HEALER. You start to learn the ANSWERS for what your teen needs and your teen begins to want you in their life again.

Report card time! What was your first response? Pride? Dread? A sense of accomplishment? Disappoint?

What does it mean to YOU if your child earned A’s? What does it mean to YOU if your child earned C‘s or lower?

Now, what does it say about your child if they earned A’s or C’s?
Is your teen smart or anxious? Is your teen lazy or have trouble with motivation?

We need to get curious about our kids and look beneath their behaviors to start understanding and finding solutions.