blindspot.light

This is a post from the archives, when I was actively dating (and struggling 😅).

What I realized is that when we don’t process relationships individually, or create space between them, we weaponize love and relationships as a whole. We make love the enemy, when in reality, our attachments to past relationships and experiences are the problem. When we externalize an internal issue, we’re unable to get to the root of it, and so we project it onto everything around us— confirming our limiting beliefs.

A practice that helped me along my journey was taking an intentional intimacy cleanse between relationships. Before I’d re-enter the world of dating, I’d dedicate at least two weeks to repairing my relationship with myself. During this time, I released attachments, reclaimed my time and energy, and I allowed myself to be selfish with my love.

I poured into my own cup the way I want others to pour into me. During this cleanse I didn’t date, I didn’t have s ex, and I didn’t entertain any flirtatious energy. This was my time to focus on me, direct my energy inward, and recalibrate.

✨ A caption written by single Ric in 2022 ✨
“I honor and celebrate each relationship I choose to participate in. Part of this respect requires a grieving period where I reflect on everything I’ve learned and appreciated from our time together. I meet myself with forgiveness and acceptance for all the times I sacrificed parts of myself for the attachment I’ve created, and the meaning I’ve assigned to this person. Before I’m able to enter a new relationship, I make sure l’ve fully processed and moved on from the last one.
I pride myself on authenticity, and I hope the partners I choose can recognize my commitment to growth, healing, and love. This is my holy trinity. But sometimes growth looks like processing unresolved trauma; sometimes healing shows up through excruciating pain; and sometimes love looks like letting go.”

Questions I’ve been wondering lately and maybe you can relate?

I’m currently moving through one of my biggest uplevels and parts of me are actively fighting it because it’s unfamiliar and requires me to play bigger than I ever have before.

I’m in this with you, so I know it’s not easy. In fact it’s quite terrifying and feels life-altering because it is. But being afraid doesn’t mean we can’t or won’t do it anyway. Let your emotions & actions are separate. Quiet the noise and follow your intuition.

I’m creating a guide & online course for people who are moving through similar scary shifts in their life but don’t know where to start or what to do. Let me know if you’re interested, I got you.

See you on the other side 🫡

Love like this ♡
It’s patient, steady, and grounded.
It’s playful, adventurous, and fun.

It’s not something that can be forced or controlled (I tried that at the beginning and it almost ended us). It’s not something that “just happens,” it’s something we intentionally build. It’s not something we have to earn or chase, it’s given freely and wholeheartedly.

It’s mutual respect and appreciation. It’s feeling safe enough to be honest and vulnerable, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s acknowledging our differences without trying to change the other, just finding a balance between them. It’s allowing ourselves to be independent, while honoring our agreements and commitments to each other.

This love is ours and it fills me with gratitude & joy & awe!!! I wish this kind of partnership for anyone who desires to feel fully supported, seen, and loved.

Being an advocate for social justice requires you to stand up for what you believe in. It also requires you to take care of yourself.

When we don’t, everything feels like a fight or a threat. We start arguing with each other and completely losing sight of the problem at hand (don’t fall for it.) Fight fascism, not each other.

I stand for social justice, equity, freedom, and human rights. I try to move with empathy, love, and respect. This upsets people because they misinterpret my kindness for a lack of rage. Of course I’m outraged! Be angry! But anger itself doesn’t bring about change. Calling senators, donating to grassroots organizations, protesting, and volunteering does that. Alchemize your anger into action. And then nourish yourself.

Rest is not retreat. Love is not passive. Care is not indulgence. These aren’t breaks from the work. They’re how the work becomes sustainable. ♡

Privilege dictates politics. And “privilege” isn’t necessarily a bad word. It’s how you wield it that matters.

Let’s be honest, none of us have the capacity to care about ALL the tragedies happening across the world right now. We’re not built for it. So we have to choose the battles we’re capable of fighting and willing to fight. With that said, I acknowledge the privilege I have in not having to fight every fight, and I’ve been called out for it.

Something I believe in and I tell my clients often is that during times of uncertainty and chaos, we need to train our nervous systems. I think of it like weight training - picking up the heaviness of the day and then putting it back down. If you hold the weight for too long, you’ll become fatigued quicker. You’ll do one rep instead of building the strength and resilience needed to do more. And that’s the balance. Holding the heaviness of injustice but also putting it down so we don’t burn ourselves out. Pick it up and put it down.

On the other hand, I see how privilege can keep people blinded to said heaviness. If you don’t know people of color, people in poverty, or people from other cultures or countries, I imagine you feel quite safe and comfortable. It’s understandable how your priorities are your family, your friends, and your finances. I won’t tell you to do anything differently, but consider when our kids, nieces, and nephews learn about this time in school and they ask what you did or where you stood.

As I feel called to move more towards the coaching world, I hope I never lose my foundation rooted in social work and social justice. I don’t see many coaches speaking on the current state of our country, and I see their privileged perspective. Instead of judging them though, I see the importance in making my stance known. So here we are.
I don’t expect others to share my truth, but I hope some do 🙏✨