Erika RGV

I used to wait until I felt ready.

Now I know better.

My body does not believe promises.

It believes receipts.

The room I walked into.

The thing I tried.

The moment I did not shrink.

That is how I am becoming without permission.

Sunday evenings used to feel strange to me when I was teaching.

The weekend wasn’t over yet…

but my body was already leaving it.

I would be sitting on the couch trying to relax while part of me had already started walking the school hallways in my head.

The emails.
The pressure.
The schedule.
The responsibility waiting for me Monday morning.

And the strangest part is:
nothing bad was happening yet.

But my shoulders would still tighten.
My chest would still feel heavy.
My nervous system would start rehearsing the week before the week even arrived.

Back then I thought that was just adulthood.

Now I think a lot of high-functioning women have bodies that learned how to live too far ahead of themselves.

So tonight I’m trying something different.

Feet on the floor.
Hand on chest.
Longer exhale.

And reminding myself:

Monday does not deserve my nervous system before it arrives.

Brilla desde adentro. 💫