10/18/2024
WARNING WARNING CYNICAL FRIDAY!!!
That’s right after a long hiatus Cynical Friday is back!
Let’s start with a question. Personal trainers are you all ok out there? I’ve seen this game evolve or devolve over the years. It used to be trainers just had to have a tight shirt, biceps, and some kind of kick ass tribal tattoo. Now the ads I’ve seen look and sound like a sappy Morgan and Morgan commercial, with tags such as “I was contacted by a young man who said I’m a nobody and you probably don’t want to work with me” or one of my favorites the fake interview. Come on bro we see you reading the script as you get “interviewed” by someone off screen. What’s just as equally painful are those that try to emulate these but don’t have the production values and it turns into a 5 minute video of you saying “umm” like a cave man using a system of grunts to convey that you don’t know what you’re talking about. The staged photos of candid shots need to stop. Think about it you stopped set up the camera got the best angle or you asked your bro during a routine chore hey video me raking these leaves but wait I need to take my shirt off. Here’s an idea be real be genuine and be good.
And since it’s been so long just remember if the shoe fits and this upsets you lace that sum bitch up and wear it.
05/13/2020
With everyone being shut in we are doing are best to help others.
04/26/2019
WARNING WARNING!!! Cynical Friday. It’s a new age addition. Recently read a post about the powers of crystals and essential oils. Wow did you know that with the right concoction of oils and crystals you can reach such a state of enlightenment you no longer fart you instead emit plumes of spiritual whispers?!? Mind freaking blown! No longer do you need to eat clean, train hard, do your recovery, and sleep when all you have to do is is take a well essential oiled up crystal and place it in your butt. I may need to fact check that but give it a try.
03/29/2019
WARNING WARNING!!! Cynical Friday!
It’s safari time. With the gym clearing out as the temps get warmer the challenges of spotting gym wildlife gets tougher but never fear we have a safari checklist for you.
Dumbbell Rack Donnie: this species can be observed doing curls, tricep kickbacks, and flexing in the gym so close to the dumbbell rack that they claim their territory by resting their ge****ls on the dumbbells themselves.
Squat Rack Steve: this species usually comes in carrying a roller suitcase full of gear and sets up base camp in the rack spreading their belt, wraps, chalk, knee sleeves, mouth guard, shoes, socks sense of dignity so everyone knows that they are going to work up to a heavy single in about an hour or two.
Banded Debbie: this spry creature is usually found near the smith machine. Markings include extremely high waisted yoga pants and a colorful band around the thighs. They perform a ritual dance including half squats, walking squats, hip thrust, and some kind of weird kick back.
Mark these off your wildlife list and add more
03/15/2019
WARNING WARNING!!! Cynical Friday!
Let’s take a look at the politician. The politician is everyone’s friend. They cruise the gym talking shop to anyone and everyone whether they want to hear it or not. It usually starts out as a simple conversation that ultimately leads to their last triumph of some minor inconvenience or mental break through, which will involve some kind of vocabulary check for s**t that doesn’t really matter. A typical conversation goes something like this, “how’s your training... well I realized that all though CrossFit is stupid I’m all for it but don’t really care for it and the reason being during my last contest I noticed my lower triceratops wasn’t firing because I was using the wrong metabolic training cycle in part because my dog was on her period, my last meal didn’t consist of enough beta-buttclean, and my tempo was more of a salsa dance instead of a foxtrot. Weird I know right?” Their main focus is to be for, against, and next to whatever current issue there may be. I reckon you need to stand out in some way.
