Clara for Daters

If he wanted to see you, you would not be praying for him to text by Thursday.

I dated a man who was great in person.
Thoughtful dates. Great conversation. A lot of chemistry.

But the communication in between was not good.

I told him early on that I was frustrated by the lack of communication and the last minute planning. And still, it became a pattern.

Honestly, it would be Thursday and I would be praying he would text and ask me out, so I left Friday and Saturday open.

That was so wrong.

I was giving grace to something that was actually just information.

If a man in the early stages of dating is not actively trying to communicate about when he is seeing you next, that is his level of interest.

Then I met James.

He booked our second date at the end of our first date.
And this was a resident ER doctor working 80 hour weeks.

That is exactly why Clara for Daters matters.

Because sometimes the problem is not that you do not see the pattern.
It is that you keep giving it grace.

Clara helped me reflect honestly, stop explaining things away, and tell myself the truth faster.

No man is a bad scheduler when he is genuinely courting the woman he loves.

Download Clara for Daters. Link in bio.

Wedding Welcome Party
💕2.14.26💕

Makeup:
Hair:
Dress:

Avoiding dating and calling it healing was hurting my life.

After betrayal at 32, I spent 3 years “healing.”

But my life was getting smaller.

I was lonely.
I was self isolated.
I gained 50 pounds.

Every month I chose healing in isolation, I moved further away from my heart’s desire.

I was praying a lot during that time, asking God to help me find the light in that darkness.

Then He gave me the idea for Clara.

A place to write it down.
A place to tell myself the truth.
A place to practice discernment.

Because that was the lesson I needed most:

discernment needed practice.

Starting to date again was hard.

I was terrified of falling for a lie again.
But I kept telling myself: go on the date anyway.

And once I chose to engage in life again, the journey was not fast.

It took 99 dates to find my husband.

I had to keep choosing to go forward.

Betrayed at 32.
Single for 5 years.
Date Number 99.
Married at 37.

Start practicing discernment. Download Clara for Daters. Link in bio.

Christian women keep getting stuck trying to heal the man they are dating.

A few months before I met my husband, I went on a date with a man who was very sweet.

Kind.
Considerate.
Handsome. Christian women keep getting stuck trying to heal the man they are dating.
A few months before I met my husband, I went on a date with a man who was very sweet.

Kind.
Considerate.
Hurting.

He opened up about church hurt, loneliness, and how isolated he felt building his business alone.

Grace looked like listening with an open heart.
Not rushing the date.
Letting compassion be present.

But discernment looked like honesty.
At the end of the date, I thanked him, told him I enjoyed getting to know him, but I was not feeling the romantic connection.

That was a discipline I had to train in myself:
not to confuse compassion with romance.

He may have needed company.
He was not my husband.
That is the lesson.

Grace in the moment. Discernment in the advance.
You can care about him and still let him go.

Follow me at Clara for Daters for hopeful, intentional dating content. Single for 5 years married on 2.15.26 at 37 years old.

I was not waiting on my husband. I was still recovering from the wrong boyfriend.

I was betrayed at 32.

That first year was therapy every week and total devastation. I could not see the light at all.

But looking back, I am so thankful I made a clean break.

I found out.
I left that night.
I blocked everything that night.
I told him he would never see me again, and I kept that promise.

The first 3 years were hard.

I gained 50 pounds.
I self isolated.
I kept trying to diagnose him.

But the more I focused on what was wrong with him, the more I felt myself disappearing.

So I had to take accountability.
For the red flags I ignored.
For the behavior I forgave.

That is when healing stopped being passive.

In year 3, I started building the accountability tool I needed.
In 2023, I launched Clara for Daters and started my intentional dating journey.

Those first dates felt like the first workouts after gaining weight.
Hard.
Awkward.
Necessary.

And just like consistency in the gym helped me lose 50 pounds, consistency in reflecting on my dates and committing to one date a week helped me be ready to meet my husband.

But I did not have the courage to try again or the strength to stay consistent on my own.

God was with me every step of the way.

He gave me the courage to start.
He gave me the strength to keep going.
And He gave me the wisdom to tell the truth about what was and was not for me.

Betrayed at 32.
Single for 5 years.
Married at 37.

Start reflecting on your dates. Download Clara for Daters. Link in bio.

I did not meet my husband because I prayed harder.
I met him because I got honest about who was not him.

Prayer mattered.

But so did honesty.
So did discipline.
So did discernment.

I got honest with myself about what I actually wanted.

If he was not Christian, wanting to be a husband, wanting to be a dad, growth minded, and stable in his career, he was not for me.

I lived the life I wanted to keep living as a wife.

I audited my atmosphere.
I stopped feeding myself negativity, bitterness, and settling.
I spent my time around couples I admired.
I prayed for my husband.
And I asked God for His wisdom before and after every date.

Then I did the part that actually required discipline:

I reflected honestly in Clara for Daters.
And I intentionally released or intentionally advanced each connection based on what prayer and those reflections were showing me.

That is what kept me free.

So when Date Number 99 came, I was not tangled up in confusion, compromise, or false hope.

I was clear enough to keep advancing all the way to the altar.

I got engaged the day before I turned 37.
I got married five months later on February 15, 2026.
And now we are on our TTC journey.

Download Clara for Daters. Link in bio.

He is not your future husband just because you are already acting like a wife.

I think this is where a lot of women get stuck in dating.

We start giving wife level grace, wife level compromise, and wife level commitment to a man we are still supposed to be discerning.

That is not intentional dating.

Intentional dating takes discipline.

Discipline looks like observing without reacting.
Noticing behavior without rushing to explain it away.
Writing down what happened and being honest about how it made you feel.

If he says he will check in on a boys trip and disappears all weekend, observe.
Do not immediately fill in the blanks for him.
Do not start doing emotional labor for behavior that already gave you information.

A few weeks into dating, my now husband went to a bachelor party in Vegas.

I did not ask him to, but he shared his location and texted me pictures from every place they went.

He knew I had been badly betrayed before.
And with that information, he wanted to show me the kind of man he was.

I observed that.
I wrote it down.
That was a behavior sign that showed me he could be my husband.

That is the difference.

Not fantasy.
Not potential.
Not me deciding too early that he was my future husband.

Behavior.

Follow Clara for Daters for hopeful, intentional dating content grounded in my true story.

3 times I almost talked myself into the wrong man but Clara caught me and reminded me that discernment is for dating.

Before Clara, I could feel something was off and still keep going.

Because he was cute.
Because he was sweet.
Because I wanted it to mean more than it did.

But Clara asked me the kind of questions that made it harder to lie to myself.

And the answers kept leading me to the same truth:

this man is not your husband.

One needed help healing from his ex.
One only texted late at night and asked me out last minute.
One introduced me to his brother and still disappeared.

Different men.
Same lesson.

Clara helped me stop getting stuck in connections that were never going to become marriage.

Because every time I did not stay stuck with the wrong man, I stayed free for the right one.

So by the time I met my husband, I was not tangled up in confusion.
I was clear.
I was available.
And I was ready to recognize peace when it came.

Download Clara for Daters. Link in bio.