09/02/2026
Quote of the Day:
Signs Shame Is Showing Up After a Breakup:
• Feeling ashamed you still miss them
• Thinking you “should be over it”
• Hiding how much you’re hurting
• Overanalyzing what went wrong
• Blaming yourself for the relationship ending
• Feeling embarrassed that you still care
• Comparing your healing to everyone else’s
• Feeling like going back would make the pain stop
Shame makes you question your healing. It tells you that missing someone means you made the wrong choice. It doesn’t. You can miss someone deeply and still know they weren’t right for you. Healing isn’t about being over it—it’s about no longer abandoning yourself because you’re hurting.
08/30/2026
A video book review of Becoming My Own F-ing Soul Mate by Brianne Davis. Reviewed by Michelle Zaffino for In the Stacks. https://www.inthestacks.tv/2026/08/in-the-stacks-252-becoming-my-own-f-ing-soul-mate
08/26/2026
ARE YOU IN THE LAVA TRAP?
In SLAA, LAVA stands for:
L — Love
A — Attention
V — Validation
A — Acceptance
And sometimes what feels like “I miss them so much” isn’t actually about the person.
It’s about what you believe you’ll finally get from them.
❤️ Their love.
👀 Their attention.
✨ Their validation.
🤍 Their acceptance.
This is where the LAVA TRAP can feed the Fantasy Loop.
You start thinking:
“If they text me, I’ll feel better.”
“If they choose me, I’ll finally feel worthy.”
“If they come back, I’ll know I mattered.”
“If they validate what happened between us, I can let go.”
And suddenly, you’re not just attached to a person.
You’re attached to the emotional payoff you believe that person can give you.
That’s the trap.
Because when your nervous system starts treating another person as the source of your love, attention, validation, or acceptance, you can become obsessed with getting the next hit.
The text.
The call.
The breadcrumb.
The apology.
The Instagram view.
The “I miss you.”
The reassurance.
And when you don’t get it?
The Fantasy Loop gets louder.
The goal isn’t to shame yourself for wanting love.
The goal is to ask:
“What am I actually trying to get from this person—and why have I made them responsible for giving it to me?”
Because sometimes the person you’re chasing isn’t the addiction.
The LAVA TRAP is.
Healing ToxicRelationships Limerence EmotionalAddiction
08/26/2026