Lani B: Change Agent

“I’m a failure.”

“I’m not doing enough.”

“Don’t drop the ball.”

“If you get complacent you’ll f**k up.”

I’ve had many clients tell me an array of the above.

They’ve been emphatic about these beliefs.

That inner critic can be so loud that it drowns out any other sounds.

One client told me that his internal berating was so intense that he had to X out of an online work meeting early.

I’ve had clients say worse things to themselves.

It’s a cacophony of s**t talking.

I’d like to think we all have pleasant song birds inside gently praising us, but we all know the reality. It’s often an inner bully hellbent on bitching us out. We all have our version of Tyler Durden of Fight Club that’s acting up inside.

But what do we do with a voice that’s constantly narrating our doom and gloom?

(Read the rest in my BIO)

“I want your money, cash, dirty cash, I want you, dirty cash, I need you.

I’ve been obsessively listening—and dancing alone in my apartment—to PAWSA’s remix of this 90s classic, Dirty Cash, by The Adventures of Steve V.

I love me some house music!

But, hmm, some of the lines are a bit problematic:
“I’ve no excuse, I just want you to use me
Take me and abuse me
I got no taboos, I’ll make a trade with you
Do anything you want me to…
I once had pride, now that’s all behind
I want to get rich quick
I want success and all that goes with it.”

These lyrics aren’t surprising, though. So many of us have a complicated situationship with money and success.

(Read the rest of this in my BIO)

Learn how to overcome phobias in my latest Substack piece.

Link in my BIO

Let’s talk about HOW we think!

Latest Substack article is available.

Check out my BIO.

“Meaningful work” isn’t a value.

It’s what happens after your values are aligned.

Most high-achievers never realize this, until they’re successful, exhausted, and quietly resentful.

Here’s how to uncover what’s really motivating you…

and how my journalism career forced me to face this the hard way.

👉Link to Substack piece in BIO

Learn about expectation and confirmation bias in my latest Substack piece.

Link in bio!

Latest substack piece in my bio!

Let’s discuss identity … and more.

Find this latest Substack article in my bio.

I’m bringing my coaching and journalism worlds together for a project I’ve been working on for months.

👉Come join me on Substack if you want to learn more about I’m doing there.

I’ll link weekly articles, like this one, in my bio.

I was recently featured as a guest on The Healing Odyssey podcast!

In it I explore how my career in journalism, marked by uncomfortable confrontations with anxiety, laid the groundwork for my current coaching endeavors. I delve into the important distinction between changing behaviors and shifting one’s identity, highlighting the pivotal role self-perception plays in lasting change.

It was SUCH a blast to speak with Emma! She’s doing amazing work in the addiction recovery space. We also speak about the dangers of certain identity labels while in recovery.

Link to the podcast in my bio. Check it out. I also provide listeners with a free resource to hack inner harmony. And follow ’s podcast. She’s a great interviewer and conversationalist.

“I can’t hold onto money,” my sales client told me.

He couldn’t look me in the eyes when he said it. And his cheeks grew flush. He was embarrassed, because he was seemingly crushing it with $30K months. But he was genuinely terrified about “losing everything.”

I’m like, “Wait, what do you mean exactly?”

Every time he’d make good money, he’d immediately blow it all. We’re talking expensive sneakers, fancy watches, designer … everything.

He couldn’t let himself actually keep the cash.

Turns out, when he was a kid, his family was financially strapped. No surprise toys, no treats, nothing. He’d watch his wealthier friends get whatever they wanted while he constantly heard “we can’t afford it.” That really messed with his head.

Plus, he had this traumatic experience 15 years ago where he was drowning in debt and had to get a loan just to survive. That fear was still controlling his entire financial life.

What he learned was that your money beliefs aren’t really about money. They’re about WHO you think you are and what you believe you deserve.

And when your self-concept is stuck in scarcity and fear, your behaviors follow.

My client couldn’t level up because his internal story was still “I’m the broke kid who isn’t able to have anything.”

After we unpacked all that childhood baggage and rewired his identity around money, he told me:

“Wow, I actually feel in control of my finances now. I know I can be smart with money.”

Identity work isn’t just feel-good stuff. It’s the foundation that changes how you show up in every area of your life, including your bank account.

👉 Ever catch yourself sabotaging success without knowing why?

📸 .and.milk

The swarm had attacked it.

Leaving a partial death.

The fungus gnats not only attacked the leaves but their larvae chewed the root system below the surface.

It all happened slowly, then all at once. First, a few of the Calathea leaves turned yellow at the edges. Then the soil stayed soggy longer than it should have. Finally, those infuriating little bugs hovered above.

Some neighboring plants got taken down by the swarm. Dying completely.

But my Calathea plant somehow survived. In fact, months later, with only half its soil habitable, it began to thrive. Putting out bright unfurled green leaves.

Plants don’t dwell on what’s damaged. They simply starve what’s dying and feed what’s living.

As I nurse the plant back to health, I can’t help but think about how resilient it is.

Just like some people.

Those who choose not to get consumed by thoughts like “I’ll never be successful like her” or “I always sabotage good opportunities” or “Everyone else has it figured out except me.”

My Calathea didn’t waste time feeding what no longer served it. It redirected all it had to what would flourish.

It’s us, the messy humans, that place more of our attention on what’s not working.

👉 Be the Calathea.

This is the core of identity work - learning to starve limiting beliefs and feed your natural strengths.

Most people don’t know how to make this shift to become the qualities they’re after.

If you’re ready to learn a proven model to create identity change …

❄️ DM me to set up a clarity call to learn what’s holding you back from achieving the change you’re seeking.