Own Your HAPPY

Truly, you might as well be saying this to your child when they’re upset. When they slide into their survival state, they have the same tools as a lizard!
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They cannot process many words so save your breath. You might be tempted to say, “We don’t hit our friends (or lie to our teacher). How would you like it if they did that to you?”
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First of all, we DO hit our friends or lie to our teacher if they just did that! Second, your words are just noise when they are upset.
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Instead, breathe mindfully to keep yourself out of YOUR lizard brain. Let them see that you are breathing. Keep a neutral expression. Say just a few words, “I’m here. I can help.” “You don’t like this.”
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The talking and teaching can happen later when they’ve shifted out of lizard brain and closer to wizard brain.
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When you feel that you’re about to explode, try one of these quick energy-shifting tips:
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1 - Calm your vagus nerve. Use the quick, effective vagal nurturing process. DM me for link to a demo video.
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2 - Tap. Tap on your breastbone as you take a deep breath and say, “I’m safe. I can handle this.”
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3 - Press. Press the gamut point on either hand as you take a deep breath and imagine yourself responding calmly. (The gamut point is located on the back of either hand below the knuckles at the base of the ring finger and the little finger.)
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Which one helps you the most? 🤔
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Picture this: Your kid is throwing some kind of fit out in public. No matter their age, it feels as if everyone is watching you and thinking you’re a terrible mom. You’re either being too hard or too easy on them.
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And then that one stranger catches your eye, smiles sympathetically and says something like, “I remember those days.” “That was me yesterday with my kid!” “I get it!” “Can I give you a hand?”
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Or they start doing something silly or fun to distract your young kid or say something to your irritable tween or teen to try to make a connection.
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And suddenly, life feels easier. You’ve still got that kid’s behavior to deal with but you just feel lighter. Someone gets it - and they let you know they get it. That’s gorgeous! 💜💜💜

Our minds are a wonderful resource when we want to change our parenting patterns. That’s where I started when I wanted to change some harmful emotional patterns, especially my anger response. It felt like such a relief to talk about it, and I made progress.

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But… I noticed over time that my anger pattern was still strong and I sometimes could not tame it just with my mind.

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When I discovered energetic exercises, I felt as if I shifted into overdrive! The more I used the energetic exercises, the more I noticed that I didn’t have to manage my anger so much - because it just wasn’t showing up nearly as often or nearly as powerfully!

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What a gift! For me, my family and everyone else in my life.
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NO NO NO! Humans are not designed to be happy all the time and if you set that as your standard, you make life harder for you and your child.

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Three main points about this:

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1 - For your child’s emotional health, what matters most is that you stay present and guide them through any not-happy emotions.
I’ve seen this work thousands of times. Just being with them, acknowledging what feels bad, and reassuring them that you are there to help, allows them to regulate without being distracted by a screen, a treat or a threat.

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2 - For your emotional health, what matters most is that you learn to trust that both you and your child can handle the not-happy times. Together.
At first, it feels scary and sometimes doesn’t go well. With practice, you both learn to trust. Even then, it’s not always going to go well - but it likely will be better than it used to be.

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3 - For the emotional health of both of you, what matters most is that you not worry about being your child’s friend but being their parent.
The roles are very different. It’s important to have a friendly relationship with our kids but remain in the parenting role. Basically, friends tend to say that every choice is great while parents are expected to guide kids to safe, healthy choices.
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Our minds are a wonderful resource when we want to change our parenting patterns. That’s where I started when I wanted to change some harmful emotional patterns, especially my anger response. It felt like such a relief to talk about it, and I made progress.
💜
But… I noticed over time that my anger pattern was still strong and I sometimes could not tame it just with my mind.
💜
When I discovered energetic exercises, I felt as if I shifted into overdrive! The more I used the energetic exercises, the more I noticed that I didn’t have to manage my anger so much - because it just wasn’t showing up nearly as often or nearly as powerfully!
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What a gift! For me, my family and everyone else in my life.
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Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs around - and it’s often 24/7 with little training or outside support. It’s no wonder that it sometimes feels impossible to change the habits we don’t like in ourselves as a parent.
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A key factor in whether change happens - or sticks - is whether you have a mentor, guide or village.
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I felt very alone as I created my own support system and made huge changes in my parenting patterns. Now I share many do’s and don'ts which have helped me and other parents.
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Keep your hope alive! Change is possible and you can do it with the right support.
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Enjoying some quiet time in lovely weather as Mother’s Day winds down. I hope you did something fun or relaxing! Gotta feed our spirit as well as our body. 🤩

✋✋✋ Hold up, hold up! I am NOT saying children shouldn’t be taught how to apologize. BUT forcing kids to apologize can happen because of faulty assumptions, such as:

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1 - They knew it was wrong and they did it anyway, just to be mean, difficult, ornery, or some other version of “they should know better.” (TRUTH BOMBS: They did it because they ran out of appropriate options to get what they wanted. They can feel an adult’s negative judgment of them as a person and this becomes their internal voice of self-criticism and self-judgment.)

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2 - They have self-control and they did this purposefully. (TRUTH BOMB: Depending on their age and stage, they likely have limited self-control and they act impulsively.)

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3 - They knew ahead of time that their choice would cause problems for others. (TRUTH BOMB: Often they don’t have the life experience or organized brain function in the moment to see what will happen due to their choices.)

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4 - This is necessary and there’s not a better way. (TRUTH BOMB: There’s a much better way.)

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5 - This will make them a more caring person. (TRUTH BOMBS: This will teach them that force - bullying - wins the battle and that an apology has no meaning. This will teach them to lie to protect themselves. This will make them more competitive - to try to prove their worth - rather than more empathetic.)

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Put yourself in their shoes. Mistakes happen. Misjudgments happen. Differences of opinion happen. If there’s no chance to reflect on what happened, and consider other options, no learning will happen. Well, learning will happen but it’s not what you want them to learn!

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So don’t say that!