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Carrying The Dead Body
This lesson may be one of the most important things we can learn.



He murdered someone in her family.



And now she had the chance to get revenge.



They were out on a boat.

His hands were bound and he was about to be thrown overboard for his crimes against her family.



But there was one final decision to make.



She could save him.



Or she could let him drown.



No one would charge her with a crime because this was the custom of the village.



If you hurt someone, you could be hurt in return—and the victim got to decide.



But there was a catch.



If she chose not to save him, she would get justice, but she would not get healing.



If she chose to save him, she could heal, but she would never get justice.



So which would you choose?



Now, maybe don’t think about murder.



Think about the person who hurt you deeply.



What if they cheated on you—and you got to watch them be cheated on?



What if they stole from you—and everything they loved was taken from them?



What if they abused you—and you got to see them suffer the same pain they caused?



Would you want it?



Would you choose justice or healing?



These are the kinds of questions that make forgiveness so difficult—and so important.



A lot of people think forgiveness means being naive, weak, or saintly.



But true forgiveness is none of those things.



Forgiveness isn’t pretending something didn’t happen.



It isn’t saying what they did was okay.



And it doesn’t mean allowing someone to continue hurting you.



Forgiveness is releasing your life from being chained to the wound.



That’s why justice and healing are often very different things.



Justice evens the score.



Healing frees the soul.



Sometimes they happen together.



But often they don’t.



Sometimes people do things that can never be justified—horrible, cruel, life-altering things.



And yet we can still decide to let go.



Why?



Because freedom matters more than revenge.



Carrying unforgiveness is like carrying an injury long after the event is over.



Healing requires something different from punishment.



It requires us to process the pain instead of becoming it.



To learn from it instead of living inside it.



To care for ourselves enough that we no longer need someone else to suffer before we can breathe again.



That’s the real work.



I know people who haven’t forgiven others who say, “Oh, I just don’t think about it anymore. I don’t care.”



But sometimes we don’t realize what resentment is costing us because we’re so used to carrying it.

read more here:

Carrying The Dead Summary: Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing what someone did, forgetting the pain, or abandoning healthy boundaries. It means choosing to stop carrying the wound and allowing yourself to heal. Justice may punish the person who hurt you, but healing frees you from remaining emotionally chained to th...

The Bully Who Changed My Life


He tormented me for years.



And honestly, I’m still not sure what I ever did to deserve it.



At a middle school dance, he had a younger kid continiously shove me as hard as he could.



I would run after him and, the bully was standing there waiting.



He was huge.



I used to fight for years before this all happened, but decided to stop when I learned fighting only gets you so far and there’s always someone bigger.



That night at the dance, I left early and walked three miles home on a pitch-black road because I didn’t want to face him.



The harassment continued.



I tried everything I could think of.



I even had the toughest kid in school threaten him.



Nothing worked and this went on for a few years.



Eventually, I stopped trying to change the situation.



Instead, I decided to change myself.



The summer before my sophomore year, I made a commitment.



I worked construction with my dad all day.



I lifted weights.



I ate well.



I barely saw my friends because I knew too much socializing would pull me away from my goal.



I wouldn’t even look in the mirror. I didn’t want to become distracted by quick results. I simply trusted the process.



I put myself in a cage of discipline.



By the end of that summer, I had changed so dramatically that some people thought I was a new student.



Then one day it happened...

https://bertastacio.com/the-bully-who-changed-my-life/

From Looksmaxing to Lifemaxing
There’s a term I’ve been hearing lately: looksmaxing.



It started online as the idea of maximizing your physical appearance—fitness, grooming, style, skincare, posture, haircuts, and even cosmetic procedures.



And honestly, there’s something I like about it.



I like the pursuit of excellence and becoming the best version of yourself.



I believe we should take care of ourselves, be healthy, and present ourselves well.



But something about it bothered me.



It felt incomplete and frankly shallow.



It seemed to focus entirely on the exterior while ignoring the interior.



And that’s not wisdom.



It’s only half the equation.



It got me thinking: what happens when something looks good on the outside but receives no work on the inside?



A few examples came to mind.



It’s like a movie set. From a distance it looks like a real town. Walk closer and you discover it’s just a facade. There’s nothing behind the walls.



Or the houses my friend from Australia noticed when she moved to the Midwest. She couldn’t believe how quickly some were built. They looked beautiful, but when powerful storms came through, many were torn apart.



Or the trees that were grown inside a biodome. Because they were protected from wind and adversity, they never developed the deep roots and strength that ordinary trees need. If exposed to the real world, even a moderate storm could uproot them.



These examples all point to the same truth:



If we only focus on appearances, we may look strong while actually becoming fragile.



Still think that looks maxing is the way to go?



In his book, Psycho-Cybernetics plastic surgeon Maxwell Maltz shared stories about clients who he would do major reconstructive surgery on, and they would come in complaining that he never changed a thing.



They looked completely different, but they couldn’t see it



So, guess what they wanted more of??? Plastic surgery!



This may seem extreme but think of people you know who’ve gotten plastic surgery.



Do they really look better?



Doesn’t it become its own rabbit hole that doesn’t really solve anything?



And even if people do look better, from looks maxing.



Is this going to make them happier?



Isn’t all of this because we’re so dreadfully unhappy with ourselves?



Jim Carrey the successful comedian said everyone should get everything they want just to realize it’s not the point.



So why am I sharing this?



Because I’m all for maxing.



In fact, it’s what I teach.



I believe we should all strive to become the best version of ourselves.



Why?



Because nothing less truly satisfies the soul.



The problem is that many of us get distracted trying to look our best when what we really need is to be our best.



I’ve always had a goal to become the best person I can be and to help others do the same.



To pursue excellence.

To use our gifts.

To discover our purpose.



That’s not just looksmaxing.



That’s lifemaxing.



So where did this idea come from?



When I was young, I watched what dysfunction which led to selfishness can do.



As the youngest child born into difficult circumstances, I saw firsthand the damage that comes when people focus only on themselves and their immediate desires.



Somewhere along the way, I made a quiet promise to keep growing learning and living for what’s truly important.



Yes, I’ve taken care of my body. I’ve stayed in shape for more than forty years.



But the most important work I’ve done has never been in the gym.



It’s been in my mind and heart.



Like learning how to forgive, how to grow, how to serve, how to face challenges, and how to become a better man.



The world has plenty of problems.



I believe many of them begin to improve when we improve ourselves—not through vanity, but through character.



Not through appearances, but through purpose.



Not through selfishness, but through service.



So yes, improve the outside if you can.



Get healthy.

Get strong.

Dress well.

Take care of yourself.



But spend even more time developing what’s inside.



Build character.

Build wisdom.

Build courage.

Build compassion.

Build faith.

Build purpose.



Because someday someone is going to get close enough to see what’s behind the facade.



Make sure they discover something real.



After all, we are so much more than our appearance.



We are minds, hearts, souls, gifts, dreams, and possibilities.



My wish for you is that you see your own greatness—inside and out and shine brightly as you inspire others to do the same.



Remember who you really are…



— Bert

From Looksmaxing to Lifemaxing This article takes the popular trend of looksmaxing and expands it into a much deeper idea: lifemaxing. While improving your appearance is worthwhile, true fulfillment comes from developing your character, purpose, wisdom, and heart. Through examples like movie sets, poorly built houses, and shallow...

What Wildfire Smoke from Canada Taught Me this Week

For the last couple of days, the skies have looked hazy.



(The photo was taken at 9am on a sunny day with not a cloud in the sky.)


At first, I couldn’t figure out why. It looked like it was going to rain all day.


Then I found out the haze wasn’t rain at all. It was smoke from wildfires in Canada drifting across the Northeast.



Someone asked on social media what was happening.



As I read through the comments, I noticed something interesting.



Very few people answered the question. Instead, some cursed Canada. Others mocked the person asking.



“Don’t you watch the news?”



Normally, I probably would have been annoyed by all of it.



Especially because the air quality meant I couldn’t even go outside and exercise.



But this time a different thought came almost immediately.



I hope everyone up there is okay. Maybe I should say a prayer for them.



Believe it or not, that’s new for me.



So what changed?



I think it came from years of learning, reflection, and watching good people.



Two people who shaped me were my friends Danny and Rob.



I met Danny at a men’s conference while I was going through one of the hardest seasons of my marriage.



During a break, when everyone else was enjoying the recreational activities, Danny sat with me for nearly three hours and simply listened.



He gave up his free time to help someone he just met who was hurting.



About six months later, Danny was in a terrible car accident caused by a drunk driver and was in acoma for months.



My friend Rob, who is a pastor, called me and asked if we could pray for Danny.



Of course we prayed for Danny.



But then Rob prayed for the drunk driver…



…and for his family.



I’ll never forget that.



Until that moment, all I could see was Danny’s suffering.



Rob saw a bigger picture.



He realized another family had just been shattered too.



That perspective changed something in me.



Years later, when smoke from another country filled our skies, my mind didn’t go to blame.

It went to compassion.



Instead of thinking about what I was losing, I found myself wondering how the people in Canada were doing.



That doesn’t make me a better person.



It simply means I’ve been fortunate enough to learn from better examples.



And that’s why I wanted to share this.



Not to tell you how you should think.



But to encourage you not to judge yourself if your first reaction isn’t perfect.



If we’re going to judge people by their first thoughts, then I would have failed that test for most of my life.



I don’t think we’re defined by our first reaction.



I think we’re shaped by what we choose to practice.



Just as we don’t judge someone for their skin color or their athletic ability, I don’t think we should condemn ourselves because our minds haven’t yet learned a wider perspective.



What matters is that we’re willing to grow.



I’d love to tell you I’m always thoughtful, kind, and loving.



That wouldn’t be true.



Most days I still wrestle with worry, insecurity, and fear.



But I’m getting better.



Not because I’m special.



Because I want to become better.



So I keep practicing.



I keep learning from people whose hearts are bigger than mine.



Over time, their perspective becomes a little more like my own.



That’s one of the beautiful things about being human.



We are not trapped by who we’ve been.



We can become who we practice being.



I’ve come to believe that fulfillment isn’t found by making life better only for ourselves.



It’s found in making life better for everyone we can.



So if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re a good person or a bad person, maybe you’re asking the wrong question.



A better question is:



Who are you becoming?



Because our capacity for growth is enormous…



and our capacity for love is infinite.



Much love,

Bert

P.S. Danny pulled through!!

https://bertastacio.com/what-wildfire-smoke-from-canada-taught-me-this-week/

The Fire Changed the House, Not the People
There’s this house I’ve seen for years on my runs.



It stands out like a sore thumb in a neighborhood of beautiful homes.



There are broken-down cars in the driveway, junk piled on the front porch, and another car sitting in the backyard.



I’m not trying to be judgmental, but it’s hard not to notice it.



A few years ago, the house caught fire and burned down.



Eventually, they rebuilt it, and honestly, it looked great. Clean. Fresh. Different.



But slowly and surely, as I kept running past it, things started showing up again.



A car returned to the driveway.

Stuff piled back onto the porch.

More things appeared in the yard.



And today, the house pretty much looks exactly the same as it did before the fire.



It reminded me of something important.



How often we try to fix things externally but never address what’s happening internally.



You can rebuild the house, but if the people living inside don’t change, eventually the same patterns return.



I think this is also why we see the same thing happen in some inner cities.



Millions of dollars can be poured into rebuilding neighborhoods, cleaning streets, or improving buildings, but if the pain, hopelessness, trauma, and destructive patterns inside people are never addressed, enough time goes by and things often return to the same condition.



Because the real problem was never just the environment.



It was the hurt, the habits, and the mindset underneath it all.



I see this phenomenon everywhere.



Someone takes a weight-loss drug but never changes their habits.



They may lose weight, but the deeper issues remain untouched, so when the next health challenge comes, they’re unprepared.



Someone leaves a relationship without looking at their own patterns, only to attract the same kind of relationship again. (This is why 2nd 67% and 3rd marriages 78% have higher divorce rates than 1st marriages 41%.)



Someone has money problems and inherits money only to be right back in debt down the road.



I've heard people say this is just bad luck or Murphy's Law, but this isn't the truth.



It's an explanation but not a good one and certainly not an effective one.



Most problems are not solved externally.



They’re solved internally.



By changing our habits.



Our patterns.



Our thinking.



So, what do we do?



We look within.



I know that’s not always easy, and it’s definitely not the typical path, but I’ve found it to be true.



So why do this kind of work? It's hard...right?



Well, not hard but different.



But the real reason to do it is that we are not meant to be stuck, sick, poor and just getting by in life.



That sucks and it's not what we have been given life for.



We're given life to grow, learn, explore and be as engaged and happy as we can.



It’s one of the reasons I’ve dedicated myself to the work I do.



Doing my own inner work brought me a level of peace, comfort, and love that I had never experienced before.



And I’m deeply grateful for every teacher and every person who loved me enough to help guide me along that path.



So, if this spoke to you, and you feel like your “house” needs attention, reach out.



Much love and peace,



Bert

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” — Albert Einstein

The Fire Changed the House, Not the People A run past a burned and rebuilt house becomes a powerful metaphor for human behavior and transformation. Although the house was restored externally, the same patterns slowly returned because the people inside never changed. The piece reflects on how this same truth appears in health, relationships,....

Independence is more than political freedom—it is an invitation to live responsibly and purposefully.

A nation flourishes not simply because it is free, but because its people use that freedom to build trust, solve meaningful problems, value every life, and pursue inner growth as much as outward progress.

Read more here as I share ideas about what a new frontier of freedom offers each of us.

bertastacio.com

Let Go of the Bar!!!



My son and I recently started weight training together.



We’ve been doing free weights, compound movements, and he’s getting stronger.



But I caught myself doing something.



I was helping him too much when I spotted him.



Finally he yelled at me:



“Get your hands off the bar.”



“Stop helping me so much.”



I’ll be honest, it annoyed me a little that he snapped at me like that.



But deep down, I knew he was right.



And it made me ask myself:



Why was I helping him so much?



Then it hit me.



Because I didn’t want him to struggle.



I didn’t want him to get hurt.



Isn’t that crazy?



I literally have him in the gym to get stronger, yet part of me still wanted to protect him from discomfort.



I don’t usually do that with clients or people I train.



But he’s my son.



And that’s why I’m sharing this.



Because I see this same phenomenon all the time with clients, parents, and the young people I do life coaching with.



Parents will bring me their kids because they want them to become more responsible, disciplined, organized, confident, or mentally stronger.



But many times, while we’re doing the work, they’re still spotting their children too much.



Not in the weight room.



Financially.
Emotionally.
Spiritually.



You see, in order for someone to grow, they have to be challenged.



They have to carry weight.



They have to struggle with something long enough to become stronger because of it.



It reminds me of the story about the scientist and the butterfly.

https://bertastacio.com/let-go-of-the-bar/

My father left when I was about three years old, but another father stepped in.



He’s in the photo above.



The other photo below is of me and my children Maya (19) and Zach (15).



Thank you, Dad, for showing me strength, commitment, and what it means to be a man.



Although you never met my children because you passed away before they were born, I want you to know that they know you.



They know you through the way I love them.



They know you through the way I raise them.



They know you through the values, lessons, and character you passed on to me.



Thank you for being a great dad.



And thank you even more because I wasn’t your blood.



There are few things we will do in this world that are more important than being a father.



I’ve seen men accomplish great things because they had a father who was present in their lives.



And I’ve seen highly successful men struggle to know who they are because they were never deeply loved by a man.



A present father is someone who takes the time to truly know his children.



Someone who loves them, can be counted on, and serves as an example of integrity, compassion, and strength.



A father has a relationship with his children.



He knows when to lead, when to confront, when to teach, and when to simply be a friend.



As a father, it isn’t just your life that is in your hands.



It’s your children’s lives, their children’s lives, and generations beyond them.



What we put into our children—whether positive or negative, intentional or unintentional—will continue in ways we could never imagine.



I know that’s a big responsibility.



But we don’t do it alone.

https://bertastacio.com/what-a-good-father-leaves-behind/

https://youtube.com/shorts/WsIeBh8oun0?si=gAPLO4NOszWcZHwu

Watch and see what a football team did to this cheerleader!

I Thought I was Dumb

When I was younger, I struggled in school.



I failed fifth grade, and man, was that embarrassing.



I barely graduated high school.



And there were reasons for all of it.



Lack of stability, support, neglect, and abuse were all things I faced as a child.



On top of that, I worked almost full time while going to school.



It was hard trying to focus on studies, work, and somehow still have a social life.



But one thing I was determined about was this:



I did not want to believe I was “dumb” and I did not want to end up reliving the turbulent and impoverished life I had as a child.



So I decided to challenge that belief and give myself a chance by going to college.



And that became a journey of its own.



I not only had to pay for it myself, but I didn’t have examples in my family of anyone who had done it.



I remember taking my first course and feeling completely overwhelmed. I thought, “What is this guy even talking about?”



I dropped the class right at the end.



Turns out I got a B anyway.



That was its own lesson.



Don’t leave too soon, because sometimes we don’t realize we’re doing better than we think.



College was rough for a while until something changed.

bertastacio.com