09/29/2024
::: The difference that made the difference [part 8]
Last time I shared how I experienced such a profound transformation, I felt compelled to dedicate my life to sharing it with as many guys as possible…
But I had a question I needed to answer first, before I could coach others:
::: What changed? :::
How did I go from zero results for 3+ years…
…to a harem of 5 model girlfriends in 3 short months?
It was none of the things guys assume women want:
❌ I didn’t suddenly gain more ‘status’
❌ I had no more money (in fact I was thousands of dollars poorer)
❌ I didn’t get more ripped
❌ I didn’t learn any more PUA techniques (in fact I stopped using all of them)
❌ I didn’t have a new flashy car….
Funny story about that:
One evening I was lying in bed with one of my girlfriends…
We were listening to music on her phone and she went out of the room for a bit…
A whatsapp notification popped up and, semi-accidentally (but also due to my own curiosity getting the better of me) I clicked it…
I saw a series of exchanges where she basically gave 1-2 word answers…
And this guy was constantly texting her:
He was the most ripped guy I’d ever seen outside of an issue of Men’s Health, probably 8% bodyfat (I know because he was sending her shirtless selfies)...
The most recent text was him posing in front of his 250k lambo…
And offering to take her out and buy her whatever she wanted…
And here she was, in bed with me - a guy with no car at all, making $30k a year!
So if none of those things changed…
What did?
The answer: I uninstalled this thing I call the “Mind Virus”
TF is that you ask?
Well, to answer that I have to tell you a quick story…
Ever taken a kid to a playground?
(Hopefully your kid or a neice or nephew!)
Notice how they just go straight up to other kids their own age and play?
They don’t have ‘social anxiety’ at all!
They just do what they authentically feel would be the most fun in the present moment…
That’s because they don’t have the Mind Virus installed yet…
But then, the forces of socialisation, education and parenting take over:
Suddenly they keep getting punished for doing what they feel like, and told:
❌ You can’t just do whatever you want
❌ You can’t say that to someone it’s rude
❌ You must respect other people’s feelings, think before you speak
❌ Sit down, shut up, do what you’re told
❌ Don’t express anger, frustration or sadness
…and pretty soon the Mind Virus comes around:
It says: “I’m here to keep you safe”
Safe from punishment and disapproval…
To keep you safe, the Mind Virus proposes two things:
(1) It’ll filter external reality to help you focus on any data that lets you know whether you’re being disapproved of, or receiving external validation:
This is exemplified in ‘the Dinner Party Effect’, where you can’t be consciously aware of 5+ conversations simultaneously, until your name is said…
At which point you can immediately locate the speaker, to see what their expression is…
(2) It’ll act to suppress your authentic desires if they MIGHT cause you to be disapproved of or judged negatively…
Why this obsession with disapproval?
Because we come pre-programmed from 100,000s of years evolving in nomadic tribes:
To break a social rule like “no hoarding food” could risk the survival of the entire tribe…
And the punishment for being judged negatively by your tribe was ostracism, which would usually mean death, or at least never procreating
So our psyche comes pre-installed with the core belief:
Being judged negatively = DEATH
Which is why the feeling of ‘approach’ anxiety triggers the same exact sympathetic nervous system response as the threat of mortal danger!
Most people live their entire lives as victims of the Mind Virus:
Hyper aware and overly sensitive to the slightest criticism, perceived slight or rejection from others…
Constantly suppressing their authentic selves in case they say the wrong thing…
Until the vast majority of their actions are nothing to do with what would make them fulfilled, happy or successful…
And solely about making other people happy, or at least not rocking the boat and staying ‘safe’…
(I’ve lost count of how many times a student tells me he hates his job, but only does it because it would make his parents happy!)
And that had been me:
Getting straight As, doing what I was told, saying the polite respectful thing… being trotted out by my parents, sweaty and terrified of making a mistake, to play classical piano to their friends from age 6…
Years of PUA material hadn’t helped at all, because none of it addressed this underlying root of my anxiety:
In fact, it made it worse…
It made me even more in my head:
❌ Worried about ‘losing value’ by not doing the right techniques…
❌ Worried about if I was getting an indicator of interest from her or if she was being police…
❌ Worried about misremembering my material and there being an awkward silence…
..And still just as terrified of a rejection that I’d stay in the safe comfort of conversation, and never risk making a move to take things to the next level…
Why I’d been able to get such fast results was simple:
My ‘Yoda’ had taken me through experiences that proved that the outdated Mind Virus’ model of reality was no longer true:
By going through potentially awkward situations where people could judge me negatively…
I rewired my brain to understand that I wouldn’t die…
And uninstalled the Mind Virus, forever, in a matter of hours…
Unleashing my innate ability to express my authentic self fearlessly to attractive women wherever I go…
No longer held back by any concern about what they might think!
And that’s what inspired me to continue the work, developing my iCPB system over the past 13 years to help 1,000s of guys around the world uninstall approach anxiety and fear of rejection, and attract the women they desire and deserve.
If any of this series resonated with you…
Maybe it’s time to stop listening to self-proclaimed dating / redpill / men’s coaches...
..who regurgitate the same “get money / status / lambos / muscles / be more alpha” BS that not only doesn’t work... but makes you feel worse about yourself…
And talk to someone who deeply understands the psychology behind removing anxiety, and getting results with women ;)
Or not, it’s your life after all ;)
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