The Custody Blueprint

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The Custody Blueprint We help protective parents in a high-conflict custody battle get the best custody arrangement for their children.

11/01/2026

Isn't it interesting how a holiday custody schedule can be settled for months… until the holiday actually gets close?

You've checked the custody order.

Made plans with family.

Maybe you've booked flights or told your child they'll be seeing their grandparents.

And then comes the message.

“Why can't you just be flexible?”

Now you're reading the custody order again, checking old messages, and trying to figure out why something you thought was settled has become another disagreement.

And it's not just Thanksgiving.

It's Christmas. Birthdays. Spring break. Summer vacation.

You start wondering whether you can ever make plans without preparing for another round of conflict.

Because you're not just trying to manage a schedule.

You're trying to give your child something they can look forward to without uncertainty.

Does your holiday custody schedule somehow become another argument every year?

Tell me in the comments.

10/31/2026

Your child has been looking forward to Halloween for weeks.

The costume. The school party. Trick-or-treating with friends.

But your custody order doesn't mention Halloween, and now you're dealing with another disagreement over who gets the evening.

I understand why you're frustrated.

But here's what I want you to consider.

Your custody strategy shouldn't be about which parent deserves Halloween.

What does your order actually say? What traditions are important to your child? Is the current exchange arrangement practical?

And what are you proposing instead?

Because the goal isn't to prove that the other parent is ruining Halloween.

It's to identify an arrangement you believe better meets your child's needs.

That's exactly what we'll work on inside my FREE live training, Holiday Custody Without the Chaos.

November 12 at 2 PM Eastern.

Register here; https://zurl.co/gBSw1

10/31/2026

“The children need both parents.”

“You need to put the past behind you.”

“You need to learn how to co-parent.”

But what happens when the custody case involves domestic violence?

What about the child's experiences? The threats? The fear? The impact of living with abuse?

And what about whether the proposed parenting arrangement is actually safe?

In their 2025 article 20 Ways Custody Courts Can Keep Kids Safe, Barry Goldstein and Veronica York argue that family courts should make greater use of research on childhood adversity and domestic violence when evaluating custody cases.

And I think that raises an important question.

Are we looking at what a parenting arrangement is supposed to accomplish, or are we examining whether it actually meets this child's needs?

Because a parenting schedule is a proposed solution.

It isn't a substitute for understanding the problem.

Do you think family courts are making enough use of domestic violence research when making custody decisions?

I'd like to hear your thoughts.

10/30/2026

Your child has been planning their Halloween costume for weeks.

The costume is ready. The candy bucket is picked out. They've made plans with their friends.

And you're looking at the custody schedule wondering whether any of it is actually going to happen.

Maybe Halloween isn't addressed in your order.

Maybe there's an exchange right in the middle of trick-or-treating.

Or maybe a simple question about the evening's plans turns into another disagreement.

And you're thinking, why does something as simple as Halloween have to become another custody problem?

Because your child isn't thinking about parenting time or overnights.

They're thinking about their costume, their friends, and the night they've been looking forward to.

And you just want them to enjoy it.

Has Halloween ever become a custody disagreement in your family?

Tell me in the comments.

10/28/2026

You've spent months preparing for your custody evaluation.

Organizing records. Gathering messages. Trying to explain the history of domestic violence.

And you're hoping that if you present the facts clearly enough, the evaluator will understand.

But have you considered that the person evaluating your case brings their own beliefs into that process?

Researchers Saunders, Tolman, and Faller studied 465 custody evaluators and found that their beliefs about abuse allegations were associated with the recommendations they made in hypothetical custody scenarios.

Because presenting evidence and having that evidence interpreted accurately are two different things.

This doesn't mean every evaluator is biased.

But it does raise important questions about how domestic violence is assessed in custody cases.

Did you know researchers had studied this?

What do you think should be required of professionals evaluating cases involving domestic violence?

10/27/2026

Two parents disagree about a parenting schedule.

The messages are tense. The exchanges are difficult. They can't seem to agree on anything.

And someone calls it a high-conflict custody case.

But what if one parent is using threats, intimidation, or control to influence what the other parent does?

Because conflict and coercive control are not necessarily the same thing.

One is about disagreement.

The other may involve a pattern of behavior designed to maintain power and control.

And when we label everything high conflict, we risk overlooking that distinction.

Not every difficult co-parent is abusive. But we also shouldn't assume both parents are contributing to the situation in the same way.

Have you ever seen a custody situation described as high conflict when you believed something more was happening?

I'd like to hear your perspective.

10/26/2026

You set a boundary.

And suddenly, you're the difficult parent.

You're uncooperative. Controlling. Refusing to co-parent.

But what if there's a reason you asked for communication to stay in writing? Or for exchanges to happen in a public place?

Maybe those boundaries came from experiences the professionals involved in your custody case haven't seen.

They see the boundary. They don't necessarily see what made it necessary.

And that's what can make these situations so difficult.

Because there's a difference between refusing to co-parent and trying to establish safer ways to manage parenting responsibilities.

The circumstances matter. The history matters. And how those boundaries affect your children matters.

Have you ever set a boundary because of something that happened, only to have it used as evidence that you're difficult to co-parent with?

Tell me in the comments if you're comfortable sharing.

Behind the costume, the candy, and the pictures is a parent trying to make the holiday feel special.Your child is thinki...
10/26/2026

Behind the costume, the candy, and the pictures is a parent trying to make the holiday feel special.

Your child is thinking about Halloween.

You're thinking about Halloween—and everything that could happen around it.

A costume. A school party. A few hours of trick-or-treating.Things that seem simple until you're navigating a custody sc...
10/25/2026

A costume. A school party. A few hours of trick-or-treating.

Things that seem simple until you're navigating a custody schedule and disagreements about holiday time

And underneath all the logistics is a parent who just wants their child to enjoy Halloween

Sometimes it's the little childhood moments that carry the biggest emotions 🎃

10/25/2026

“You two just need to communicate better.”

But what if communication is part of the problem?

You've tried keeping your messages short. Staying polite. Responding only to questions about the children.

And somehow, a simple conversation about school pickup turns into hours of accusations, questions, and explanations.

If you don't respond, you're uncooperative.

If you do, the conversation never seems to end.

During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to bring attention to something important.

Not every communication problem is a communication skills problem.

Sometimes a history of intimidation or coercive control changes what those interactions mean.

And telling someone to communicate more doesn't necessarily address what's actually happening.

Have you ever been told to communicate better when the communication itself was part of your concern?

I'd like to hear your experience if you're comfortable sharing.

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