Brian G. Murphy

open relationship = stronger relationship?

You deserve sunshine and a fairy-tale romance…
… and that can look a lot of different ways!

If you’re considering opening up (or opening up more), know that a lifetime of love still awaits on the other side.

And if you’re in an open relationship and the spark is fading and you’ve resigned yourself to “that’s just the way it is after so many years”, know that it’s never too late to (re)kindle a roaring fire of romance.

Love, s*x, partnership, commitment, pleasure, play, curiosity, exploration, stability… they can all exist together with a little work and attention.

Sound like something you want more of? Let’s talk!

has this happened to you?
how did you handle it?
how might you handle it differently?

It’s a paradox. However much confidence I have on the dance floor or in the bedroom, it’s because I practice looking like an absolute fool when I’m alone in my room.
Getting comfortable being silly and sometimes even looking “stupid” is how you get out of your head enough to enjoy your body (and the other person’s)

Sometimes you’re gonna swing and miss.

You can’t find the rhythm on the dance floor.

You make a noise during a hookup and your partner laughs rather than being gets into it.

You try a new position and you bump an elbow or knock over a bottle.

It’s hardly ever going to be “perfect” - the best encounters are a little imperfect, actually. That’s where authenticity breaks in.

Find a way to be silly today!

And follow along if you want to build right fit relationships and sizzling s*x lives without shame or shoulds ☺️

Love is abundant, time is not.

How you spend your time matters. I’m trying to let go of the “shoulds” and to make peace with my ever-growing TBR list. Maybe it can be liberating for you.

WHAT IS IT YOU PLAN TO DO WITH YOUR ONE WILD AND PRECIOUS
(You think I’m gonna have an existential moment without some Mary Oliver??)

Secret romance killer alert!
Texting your husband, girlfriend, or partner throughout the day SEEMS romantic at first but it could be sabotaging an important way you kindle romance.

Learning more about someone is one of the key ways you build intimacy (it’s why those early days of a relationship are so exciting! There’s so much to learn!)

The longer you are together, the more you know about each other. When you add in constant communication while you apart, when you are actually together you have less to talk about!

Cue scrolling on instagram in silence with your toes touching. Which is cute for an evening (um HELLO Heated Rivalry cottage moment) but if all you do is veg out together, your romance won’t be as sizzling as it could be)

So try it out for a day and let me know how it goes for you: hold off on texting your partner and save it all up to talk to them about when you get home.

I want to hear how this experiment goes for you!

Go get him! I BELIEVE IN YOU!

Stories are powerful because they help reflect life back to us. They make visible our hopes, fears, pain, and regrets. They invite use to imagine a different future—or grieve a past we know we can’t change.

There’s lots of discussion right now about Heated Rivalry and whether slash how it represents our stories.

This is your invitation to go beyond simply being a fan and use the story of Heated Rivalry—or Q***r As Folk or Noah’s Arc or Moonlight or The L Word or Buffy or whatever stories have been meaningful to you—to make sense of your own life and your own story.

Why does it speak to you so much?
In what ways do you see yourself in it?
What do you wish was different in your past?
How do you want your future to unfold?

Let’s talk about it!

If you’re in a long-term relationship, you’ve probably figured out how to take care of each other really well. That’s amazing.

BUT the flip side of a super stable relationship, is that change becomes harder. You’re so used to doing it one way and you’re both so used to smoothing out any ruffles that come your way.

Sometimes, you need to do something on purpose to shake things up.

If either of these feels familiar to you, this might be for you:

1️⃣ it’s really important that you (or your partner) (or both of you) do things the “right” way. You’re a planner. You’re a perfectionist. You like things juuust so.

2️⃣ you’re relationship feels great but it also feels easy and predictable. You’re wanting a bit more spark but there’s nothing “wrong” with your relationship. It’s just… the way it’s always been.

Making your bed, together, in the wrong direction is an intentional act of defiance. But it’s also, in the grand scheme of things, pretty safe. And easy to do.

If you’re used to the way things are, doing something silly and different (and even a little “wrong”) on purpose can be a way to (a) help you practice imperfection and (b) embody change.

Who’s gonna do it with me? Let me know! 👇