Body by G Coaching by G

Tolerating always becomes resentment.
At first I called it patience and then I called it love, but what it truly is is self abandonment.

Every time I swallow a boundary, excuse, pattern.. each time I silence my discomfort, something inside of me is keeping score.

Self abandonment is a skill I perfected as a child to save my life.

The way we learn to protect ourselves as children may be out dated but our nervous systems do not know that. Until we are wiling and able to walk backwards through our life lessons, facing the future but revisiting the past with eyes forward, we are stuck there.

We get stuck at the ages of our traumas.

I learned before I was out of diapers to abandon myself because my parents never held me. I was never safe. I never co-regulated.

I learned that if I abandoned my self for others interests, I could get a few needs met. I was never held, but I was fed and clothed. I had shelter from the elements but not from the rage inside my house. If I abandoned myself I could alleviate the rage and fill a gap that allowed moments of peace.

As an adult, I have very strong boundaries.
I had to learn how to have boundaries. I had to learn that choosing ME had nothing to do with anyone else.

To people who have no boundaries or very weak boundaries this still feels like shame and blame to them because anything less than going along with it, is not something they understand.

I was that person, too. For a very long time, I thought that I had to abandon myself to be in relationship.

Growing up in my family of origin taught me that having needs was unacceptable. My job was to be there for others. I learned how to be a blackbelt co-dependent.

The spiral wound catches me off guard every now and again but now I know myself and I know what home really means.

Know I help others find their way home, too. Not my way, their way.
Compassionate inquiry and guidance, weightlifting and breathwork, deep listening and gardening are a few things I use to shepherd people home to themselves.
❤️💫🌈🐝

While watering my garden I turned to discover the horror of this little robin’s death which must have been absolute torture.
She was tangled wing and feet tied. I cut the net down. I freed her every feather and laid her with service berries, sage, cedar, to***co and roses.
I am devastated.
The net I put up to hold the vines of squash, to support new life, ended a beautiful song.
I am so sorry and I pray for grace and forgiveness.

It was a fairly hard day long before this ending. I am haunted by the struggle of this little winged angel.

May all beings be free from struggle.
💫🙏🏻🕊️🪶❤️

Baby Sparrow and temporarily losing a dog.
I had just lit the brush in the fire pit and was scooping up dry leaves around the pit to throw in and discovered this little angel bird flopping in the grass way too close to the heat of the fire and my dogs curious mouths.
My intuition is the wise person that lives inside of me. It never speaks with judgment or criticism.  My intuition is never analytical, never doubting.
The yes-but voice is never my inner voice.
I didn’t think. I simply bent and picked up the baby bird. I mean, she let me — just sat in my hands, on my arm, sweet as fresh rain. We walked around the yard looking for her momma. We went to the porch and got some water, we tried the soft cedar, but my arm was a better spot. She pooped on my arm and I was so relieved, like a mom, to know that everything was working and that she had eaten.
Practice taking time to listen to the divine. I am making time to go home everyday to an intimate sanctuary within myself. Deep listening.
Look how spirit shows up in a baby bird to say, pause, dear one. You can just BE here.
We really are pilgrims to our own deep nature. We are pilgrims to the wisdom self that resides deep within us.
Intimacy means into me see. It is a solitary practice long before a shared practice and always a returning to self.
I must go inward to see my own true nature. I sit loving the tiny sparrow with words or doing. Just being there. Holding her as she wishes, not trapping her, just letting her be there.
In the second half of life, we are called to wake up to our true nature and many times in the second half of life we have a reckoning or a wake up call. At midlife, or in the second half of life, we are forced to face the corpses in our life, which is to say, we are forced to face our fears in the second half of life we are forced to face our old patterns of appeasement, denial, victimization, and dramatization.
We are met in exhaustion with all the ways we are not ourselves.

Want to Read more??
https://open.substack.com/pub/coachingbyg/p/baby-sparrow-and-temporarily-losing?r=3allm&utm_medium=ios